Subject: Work (Page 6)

What do you give a florist who is sick?

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Occupations Work

If a man works like a horse for his money, there are a lot of girls anxious to take him down the bridal path.

(1922 – 2018) comedian & actor
Marriage Money Work

Interior Decorator: A man who does things to your house he wouldn’t dream of doing to his own.

Definitions Occupations

Ambassador: An honest man sent abroad to lie for the good of his country.

(1568 – 1639) English author, diplomat & politician
Government Occupations

Sailors ought never to go to church; they ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

(1866 – 1946) English author
Occupations Work

Barber: A brilliant conversationalist who cuts hair for a sideline.

Conversation Definitions Occupations

Banker: A pawn broker with a manicure.

Definitions Occupations Work

I think housework is far more tiring and frightening than hunting is… and yet after hunting we had eggs for tea and were made to rest for hours, but after housework people expect one to go on just as if nothing special had happened.

(1904 – 1973) English novelist & biographer
Housework Work

Economist: One who takes a lot of unwarranted assumptions and reaches a foregone conclusion.

Definitions Occupations Work

[Critics] search for ages for the wrong word, which, to give them credit, they eventually find.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
Communication Occupations Work

Accountant: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Definitions Occupations

I dedicate this show to my dad who was a roofer… so dad, if you’re up there…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Family Fathers Occupations Work

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves into a position of power should on no account be allowed to do the job.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Characteristics Government People Work

Employment Agency: Where people are put in their place.

Definitions Work

When all else fails, try the boss's suggestion.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason why so few engage in it.

(1863 – 1947) automobile industrialist
Intelligence Thinking Work

Generals who can write always make me nervous.

(1921 – ) American newspaper editor
Government Military Occupations

‘Employee of the month’ is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Work

A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Education Occupations Sleep

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Old Situations Work

The first myth of management is that it exists.
The second myth of management is that success equals skill.
Corollary (Johnson) – Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within your organization.

Murphy’s Laws Work