Subject: Work (Page 8)

I manufactured clown shoes… which was no small feat.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Clothing Work

The speed of exit of a civil servant is directly proportional to the quality of his service.

Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Work

Strip Teaser: One who makes a bare living.

Body Definitions Occupations

Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Education Misspokements Occupations

We’re all endowed with God-given talents… mine happens to be hitting people in the head.

American boxing champion
Boxing Occupations Sports

Automation has opened up a whole new field of unemployment.

Situations Work

A guy gave me a job at an information booth – no questions asked.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Occupations Work

Consultant: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Once a man wants to hold a public office, he is absolutely no good for honest work.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Government Occupations Politicians Work

Faustino the Great: How long you study music?
Mr. Lyons: Fifteen years.
Faustino the Great: Fifteen? … You know, two more years, you could’ve been a plumber.

(1887 – 1961) comedian, actor & member of the Marx Brothers
Occupations TV/Movie Quotes

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job: it's a depression when you lose yours.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president
Work

The first myth of management is that it exists.
The second myth of management is that success equals skill.
Corollary (Johnson) – Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within your organization.

Murphy’s Laws Work

My girl works at Hooters… in the kitchen.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Girlfriends People Work

Critic: One quick-on-the-flaw.

Definitions Occupations

Statistician: Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

Definitions Occupations Work

No one wants to hear about the labor pains, they just want to see the baby.

(1939 – ) American baseball player
Success Work

Taxpayer: One who doesn’t have to pass a civil service exam to work for the government.

Definitions Government Taxes Work

When a letter simply addressed to "Duffy the Dope" was delivered to me, I knew it was time to retire.

(1915 – 1987) American football player and coach
Communication People Self Work

It (a cubicle) basically says, like, 'You know what?… we don't think you're smart enough for an office, but we don't want you to look at anybody.'

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian
Intelligence Work

The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? … plutonium hat model.

(1974 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & television host
Occupations Work

Job: A place where you work just hard enough to avoid getting fired while getting paid just enough to avoid quitting.

Definitions Work