Subject: Work (Page 9)

1. Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
2. Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
3. If at first you don't succeed, try something else.

Murphy’s Laws People Work

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Situations Work

I used to work for a living, then I became an actor.

(1927 – ) English actor
Acting Entertainment Occupations Work

If the hours are long enough and the pay is short enough, someone will say it's women's work.

Money People Women Work

If you have a choice of selling shoes to ladies or giving birth to a flaming porcupine… look into that second, less painful career.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Situations Work

Critics are to authors what dogs are to lamp-posts.

(1945 – ) American author
Occupations Work

There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Entertainment Work

Truck Driver: A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people.

Definitions Occupations

“Pickup artists” and “garbagemen” should switch names.

Occupations Wordplay Work

Automation has opened up a whole new field of unemployment.

Situations Work

I manufactured clown shoes… which was no small feat.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Clothing Work

The man who knows "how" will always have a job. The man who knows "why" will always be his boss.

Murphy’s Laws Work

If you want it done quickly, it won't be done correctly.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

Definitions Doctors Occupations

When all else fails, try the boss's suggestion.

Murphy’s Laws Work

I'm not an actor, and I enclose met press cuttings to prove it.

(1915 – 1999) American stage, film & television actor
Acting Occupations Work

1. You can't get anything without working for it.
2. The most you can accomplish by working is to break even.
3. You can only break even at absolute zero.

Money Murphy’s Laws Work

It’s not the work that keeps most people from doing volunteer work, it’s the pay!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Work

The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job.

(1921 – 1995) American comedian & actor
Work

It’s just a job; grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand… I beat people up.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Occupations Sports Work

I never met anybody who said when they were a kid, “I wanna grow up and be a critic.”

(1940 – 2005) comedian & movie actor
Communication Occupations Work