Author: Anonymous

I wouldn’t speak to her if I met her in hell and she was carrying ice.

Expressions Insults Opinion

One way to get a real kick out of bridge is to sit opposite your wife.

Activities Games

Accountant: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Definitions Occupations

Sleeping Bag: A nap sack.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

The beer flowed like wine.

Mixed metaphors

“Who goes there!” the soldier called out haltingly.

Tom Swifties

Taxation: The process by which money is collected from the people to pay the salaries of the men who do the collecting.

Definitions Government Taxes

“This looks like the fruit of the blackthorn,” said Tom slowly.

Tom Swifties

“This fabric is not good enough to make a bolero,” said Tom unravellingly.

Tom Swifties

Worst case Ontario.

Malaprops

You could just charm the dew off of a honey suckle.

Expressions

“This is mutiny!” said Tom bountifully.

Tom Swifties

Bank: An institution that will gladly lend you money provided you can prove you don’t need it.

Definitions Money

Automation takes more people to correct the mistakes.

Mistakes Problems

Honeymoon: The vacation a man takes before starting to work for a new boss.

Definitions Marriage

If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet.

Mixed metaphors

It is so hot… the cows arre giving evaporated milk.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Doughnut: Holey food.

Definitions Food/Drink

Bargain: Something you can’t use, at a price you can’t resist.

Activities Definitions Shopping

A lot of people are leaving the company; the nutrition rate is very high.

Malaprops