Author: Anonymous

“Don’t add too much water,” said Tom with great concentration.

Tom Swifties

“I’ve an urgent appointment,” said Tom in Russian.

Tom Swifties

She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.

Appearance Body Expressions

But I don't have an intricate relationship with it.

Malaprops

Monastery: Consecration camp.

Definitions Religion

You’ve buttered your bread, now lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

“I teach at a university,” Tom professed.

Tom Swifties

Diet: A system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer.

Definitions Food/Drink

Hydroponic Gardening: Using a plant to convert water into yard work.

Definitions

Hypochondriac: One who can’t leave well-enough alone.

Definitions Health

“We can’t let the fire die out,” Tom bellowed.

Tom Swifties

Gardening: Man’s effort to improve his lot.

Activities Definitions

“It’s become much bigger,” said Tom with a groan.

Tom Swifties

She may want to tackle that battle.

Mixed metaphors

“I am removing the lining of my gloves,” Tom deferred.

Tom Swifties

Caterpillar: An upholstered worm.

Animals Definitions

He’s a wolf in cheap clothing.

Malaprops

Invitro Fertilization: The innoculate conception.

Definitions

Female: One who believes if you charge it, it’s not spending, and if you add a cherry to it, it’s not intoxicating.

Definitions People

“Phew! I’ve just finished learning all Shakespeare’s works,” said Tom willfully.

Tom Swifties

She had a seashore disorder.

Health Malaprops