Author: Anonymous

Life is a box of cherries.

Mixed metaphors

“I’m losing my hair,” Tom bawled.

Tom Swifties

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Beliefs Opinion

I won’t miss it one aorta!

Malaprops

If you are riding a high horse, there ain’t no way to get down off it gracefully.

Characteristics

He's not the brightest cookie in the lamp.

Mixed metaphors

Honeymoon: The morning after the knot before.

Communication Definitions Marriage

“Pass the playing cards,” said Tom ideally.

Tom Swifties

He was a man of great statue.

Appearance Body Malaprops

Bank: An institution that will gladly lend you money provided you can prove you don’t need it.

Definitions Money

“That’s especially stupid!” said Tom superciliously.

Tom Swifties

She is so fat… she can't even jump to conclusions.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“I ain’t afraid of those white men,” said Cochise bravely.

Tom Swifties

“One of the ten finalists in the ‘London derriere’ contest had to drop out”, said Tom asininely.

Tom Swifties

An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies of a dozen naked women to get to a bottle of stout.

Alcohol Food/Drink People

“I will now demonstrate how to dissect a sheep,” delivered Tom.

Tom Swifties

Some people pay their bills when due, some when overdue, and some never do.

Money

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

Beliefs Proverbs

It's all Greek to a blind horse.

Mixed metaphors

Black Eye: A stamp of disapproval.

Definitions

As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp.

Animals Appearance Dogs Expressions Ugly