Author: Anonymous

Alarm Clock: That which scares the daylight out of you.

Definitions Wordplay

Dollar: The jack of all trades.

Definitions

Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

Definitions

It is so dry… I caught a catfish that had ticks on him.

Exaggerations Science/Weather

Diplomat: A fellow who prefers ironing out his differences to flattening his opponent.

Definitions

You have to take the bad with the worse.

Mixed metaphors

“Would you stop horsing around!” yelled Tom woefully.

Tom Swifties

“Hurry up and get to the back of the ship!” Tom said sternly.

Tom Swifties

The guy literally flew down the stairs!

Malaprops

She is so fat… she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Geologist: Fault finder.

Definitions Wordplay

“Sorry about that butt call,” he said cheekily.

Tom Swifties

The difference between bagpipes and an onion is that nobody cries when you chop up a bagpipe.

Situations

The crust of the problem

Malaprops

Education: A technique employed to open minds so that they may go from cocksure ignorance to thoughtful uncertainty.

Definitions Education

Running around like children with their heads cut off

Mixed metaphors

It sounds good on paper.

Ideas Intelligence Mixed metaphors

Every silver lining has a cloud around it.

Mixed metaphors

“I have three houses, and I’m going to buy another,” said Tom forebodingly.

Tom Swifties

Arsonist: A person who sets the world on fire… at least in a small way.

Definitions

People have the persona that all Texans wear cowboy hats.

Beliefs Malaprops Opinion