Author: Anonymous

A rolling stone is worth two in the bush.

Mixed metaphors

“I’m not going to give up anything this Easter,” said Tom relentlessly.

Tom Swifties

There are lots of reasons to love a horse, sometime it's no more than the sweet little way he stepped on some asshole's foot.

Animals

“I can see the Greek woodland deity is no more,” Tom said with a deadpan expression.

Tom Swifties

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Housework Work

It's like pulling hen's teeth.

Mixed metaphors

Remember Pearl Island.

Malaprops Places

Domestic Harmony: Music produced only if the husband plays second fiddle.

Definitions Marriage

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

Accidents Age Beliefs Old

Have no delusions about the past.

Malaprops

Toast: The only thing that can be eaten or drunk.

Definitions

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Activities Beer Food/Drink

Farm: What a city man dreams of at 5 p.m…. never at 5 a.m.

Definitions

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are… but I laugh more.

Emotions Laughter

Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory is too good.

Intelligence Memory Wisdom

Sex Education: Sermon on the mount.

Definitions Sex Wordplay

Gardener: A man who never lets grass grow under his feet.

Definitions

Smilin’ like a goat in a briarpatch

Appearance Expressions

“My garden needs another layer of mulch,” Tom repeated.

Tom Swifties

White Supremacists: The most convincing argument against the theory of white racial superiority.

Beliefs Definitions Intelligence People

It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.

Beliefs People Religion Sex