Author: Anonymous

Prophylactic: A rubber check.

Definitions

Marriage: A deal in which a man gives away half his groceries in order to get the other half cooked.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Marriage

Umbrella: A shelter for one and a shower for two.

Definitions Things

The father of the bride should realize he isn’t losing a daughter but gaining a bathroom.

Family Marriage

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

Communication Conversation Entertainment Speech

Doorman: A genius who can open the door of your car with one hand, help you in with the other, and still have one left for the tip.

Definitions Occupations

Home: A place where a man is free to say anything he pleases because no one pays any attention to him.

Definitions Places

Crazier than a dog in a hubcap factory

Expressions

Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.

Death Government Language Taxes

Creativity: The sudden cessation of stupidity.

Definitions Intelligence

Bulletin: Your receipt for attending church services.

Definitions

Book Jacket: A fable of contents.

Definitions

“I manufacture tabletops for shops,” said Tom counterproductively.

Tom Swifties

The most dangerous killer in the animals of crime.

Malaprops

That'll stick out like a red herring.

Mixed metaphors

Brassiere: A bust stop.

Clothing Definitions

Intelligent conversationalist: One who nods his head in agreement while you’re talking.

Communication Conversation Definitions Intelligence Speech

“I’m mentioned in this book,” said Tom contentedly.

Tom Swifties

She plummeted the deaths of inequity.

Malaprops

Fiddling with his guitar

Mixed metaphors

“Eating garbage is a form of recycling, but I can’t eat any more,” said Tom wastefully.

Tom Swifties