Author: Anonymous

“I’ve only enough carpet for the hall and landing,” said Tom with a blank stare.

Tom Swifties

Apparently: As either mother or father would do it.

Definitions

“I’m being sent down to the minors,” said Tom beleagueredly.

Tom Swifties

Exaggeration: Formal term for a collection of fishermen (i.e. an exaggeration of anglers).

Activities Definitions Language

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Food/Drink

“I work at a bank,” said Tom tellingly.

Tom Swifties

Racehorse: A barn athlete.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

The shit’s gonna hit the stick.

Mixed metaphors

Bridegroom: A man who is amazed at the outcome of what he thought was a harmless little flirtation.

Definitions

Twins: Infant replay.

Children Definitions Family

What if there were no hypothetical situations?

Situations

Waffle: A pancake with a nonskid tread.

Definitions Food/Drink

Chicken guarding the hen house

Mixed metaphors

I’m getting up on my feedbox here.

Mixed metaphors

Linguist: A person who can be misunderstood in many languages.

Communication Definitions Language

You have to walk before you can swim.

Mixed metaphors

Psychology: The science that tells you what you already know in words you can’t understand.

Definitions Science/Weather

It's all Greek to a blind horse.

Mixed metaphors

Alibi: Slip cover.

Definitions

Honest Politician: One who, when he is bought, will stay bought.

Definitions Government Politicians

Worst case Ontario.

Malaprops