Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous
He's a pretty sharp cookie.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“I wish I could remember the name of that card game,” said Tom wistfully.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Sales Resistance: The triumph of mind over patter.
Anonymous
Definitions
Sales Resistance
Don’t be discouraged if your children reject your advice; years later they will offer it to
their
offspring.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Children
Family
Opinion
Advice
CPR: An emergency exercise that helps concerned onlookers feel useful while the victim expires.
Anonymous
Definitions
Health
CPR
Virtue: Insufficient temptation.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Definitions
Virtue
They'll never buy the cow if they can get the eggs for free.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Skiing may be a winter activity, but some think of it as a fall sport.
Anonymous
Sports
Wordplay
Skiing
Forger: A man who made a name for himself.
Anonymous
Definitions
Forger
Like all self-made men he worships his creator.
Anonymous
Insults
Reviews/Criticism
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case; coincidence?
Anonymous
Alcohol
Beer
Food/Drink
Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.
Anonymous
Definitions
Doctors
Osteopath
Psychiatrists: People with the same problems as anyone else, but with an accent.
Anonymous
Definitions
Doctors
Health
Psychiatrists
Life: A play with a lousy third act.
Anonymous
Definitions
Life
“I feel so empty,” said Tom vacuously.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Ability: What will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.
Anonymous
Definitions
Ability
“Whenever I put on my scuba gear, I get pins and needles,” said Tom divertingly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad’s payroll – and on to his wife’s.
Anonymous
Definitions
Education
School
Graduate school
Busier than a moth in a mitten!
Anonymous
Expressions
Situations
Busy
Telephone: A contrivance for letting us talk to people whom we don’t want to meet.
Anonymous
Definitions
Things
Telephone
Expense Account: Account deceivables.
Anonymous
Definitions
Expense Account
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