Author: Anonymous Page 100

She couldn’t catch a cold if it had handles.

Expressions

It's on the tip of my frontal lobotomy.

Mixed metaphors

Reunion: When you meet people your own age who all look a lot older than you.

Definitions People

Clothes Dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.

Definitions Things

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Communication Definitions Speech

I haven’t seen him for donkey’s ears!

Malaprops

Bugs: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.

Animals Definitions

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Definitions Marriage Wives

Whenever you hear the word save, it is usually the beginning of an advertisement designed to make you spend money.

Communication Language Money

I can syncronize with those homeless people.

Malaprops

He's not the brightest cookie in the lamp.

Mixed metaphors

Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

“I like fuzzy bunnies”, gurgled Tom acutely.

Tom Swifties

Antique: An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of,  and you're buying again.

Definitions Things

“It’s not a candy mint, it’s a breath mint”, Tom asserted.

Tom Swifties

A rolling stone catches the worm.

Mixed metaphors

They held a candlelight visual.

Malaprops

“I wonder if there’s a number between seven and nine,” said Tom considerately.

Tom Swifties

“I need some suspenders for my pants,” Tom upheld.

Tom Swifties

Conscience: The voice that tells you not to do something after you have done it.

Definitions

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.

Communication Marriage Speech Wives