Author: Anonymous Page 100

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Beliefs Opinion

Isn't that an expensive pendulum round that woman's neck?

Malaprops

“I might as well be dead,” Tom croaked.

Tom Swifties

The menu was frozen in the amber of 1973.

Mixed metaphors

Bowling: Marbles for grown-ups.

Activities Definitions

“Don’t add too much water,” said Tom with great concentration.

Tom Swifties

A sandwich is an attempt to make both ends meat.

Food/Drink

“That may cause my violin strings to snap,” was Tom’s gut reaction.

Tom Swifties

“I guess she fell off the motorcycle,” said Tom ruthlessly.

Tom Swifties

Honeymoon Sandwich: Just lettuce alone, with no dressing.

Definitions Marriage

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Definitions Marriage

Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.

Mistakes Problems

Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?

Expressions Marriage

White Supremacists: The most convincing argument against the theory of white racial superiority.

Beliefs Definitions Intelligence People

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Death Definitions

“I haven’t had my photographs developed yet,” said Tom negatively.

Tom Swifties

The first known case of a rat joining a sinking ship.

Insults

Ambiguity: The lack of clarity in speech… or perhaps, something else.

Definitions

Busier than a moth in a mitten!

Expressions Situations

“Once again, I read it on Wikipedia,” Tom recited.

Tom Swifties

Brute Force: When your brain doesn’t work, just keep beating on the problem until one of you dies.

Definitions