Author: Anonymous Page 100

Can’t act. Slightly bald. Also dances.

Reviews/Criticism

Banging on their chests with a primeval scream.

Malaprops

Announce: Thirty grams or a sixteenth of a pound.

Definitions Wordplay

Toupée: Top secret.

Definitions

Hypochondriac: One who enjoys poor health, then complains of feeling better.

Definitions Health

Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from nonpractitioners.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

Communication

Gold Digger: A girl who will date any man that can pass the asset test.

Definitions Money People Women

You have to dance to a different drum.

Mixed metaphors

Group Therapy: A drama-in-the-round staged for the entertainment of a professional therapist, who commands the players to put on a new show each week and charges them for the privilege.

Definitions

Etiquette: Learning to yawn with your mouth closed.

Definitions

It was so cold… politicians stopped blowing hot air.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Doctor: A man who suffers from good health.

Definitions Doctors

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Alcohol Food/Drink

Humility: The ability to act ashamed when you tell people how wonderful you are.

Definitions

Eunuch: One who is cut off from temptation.

Body Definitions

Beware my friend… you are skating on hot water.

Mixed metaphors

Due process of elimination

Mixed metaphors

Bridge is a friendly game invented by two married couples who disliked each other.

Activities Games

If a job’s worth doing, make sure you delegate it to the right person.

Work

Dog: The only friend you can buy for money.

Animals Definitions Dogs