Author: Anonymous Page 100

Take Home Pay: An amount of money which is called that because it is never big enough to go anywhere else with it.

Definitions Money

Hypochondria is the one disease I haven’t got.

Health

He is so fat… he's on both sides of the family.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Most anybody can be a cowboy, but it takes a damn genius to make money at it.

Money Occupations Work

“Yes, I’m amazingly strongly built,” said Tom soberly.

Tom Swifties

If people weren’t meant to have midnight snacks, then why do they put a light in the refrigerator?

Food/Drink

Garage: An attic on a lower level.

Definitions

Donuts: The only non-negotiable element to a successful meeting.

Definitions

Punctuality: The art of arriving for an appointment just in time to be indignant at the tardiness of the other party.

Definitions Time

I keep trying to lose weight… but it keeps finding me.

Appearance Body Fat

Sidesaddle: How men, rather than women, would ride in a truly logical world.

Definitions Men Women

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Language Science/Weather

He's as crooked as a barrel of snakes.

Expressions

Gardening: Man’s effort to improve his lot.

Activities Definitions

Acoustic: An instrument used in shooting pool.

Definitions

Courtesy: The art of yawning with your mouth closed.

Dating Definitions Relationships

Women: Can't live with 'em – can't live with 'em.

People Women

His nose is so big… he has to lift it to eat.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

“I will now demonstrate how to dissect a sheep,” delivered Tom.

Tom Swifties

It's as plain as the egg on your face.

Mixed metaphors

Alimony: The sum of money a man is commanded to pay his ex-wife in exchange for the pleasure of having her live under a separate roof.

Definitions Marriage