Author: Anonymous Page 100

Courtesy: The art of yawning with your mouth closed.

Dating Definitions Relationships

The amount of education you have determines your loot in life.

Education Malaprops

Agreeable Person: One who agrees with me.

Definitions

“I decided which car to purchase after looking at the pictures,” said Tom autobiographically.

Tom Swifties

Courtship: When a fellow and a girl are always trying to show how smart he is.

Definitions Relationships

Unopposed candidate: An officeholder who has mastered the art of campaign reform.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Tax Reform: Taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven’t been taxed before.

Definitions Government Taxes

“I got demoted,” Tom admitted privately.

Tom Swifties

Newborn Baby: Fresh heir.

Definitions

Isn't that an expensive pendulum round that woman's neck?

Malaprops

“I’m putting on my T-shirt, shorts, and sunglasses,” Tom summarized.

Tom Swifties

Sense Of Humor: Being able to laugh at your friends’ misfortunes.

Definitions Emotions

If you put his brain in a gnat's butt, it would fly backwards.

Miscellaneous

Punctuality: The art of arriving for an appointment just in time to be indignant at the tardiness of the other party.

Definitions Time

“Let’s take a vacation in the south of France,” said Tom nicely.

Tom Swifties

“We can’t have this and eat it too,” said Tom archaically.

Tom Swifties

My girlfriend says that she thinks her husband is the world’s greatest lover, but she hasn’t been able to catch him at it!

Marriage Sex

Yodeling: Slope opera.

Definitions Wordplay

The only man who can fool all the women all the time is a fashion designer.

Appearance Clothing People Women

Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.

Marriage

Get two birds stoned at once.

Mixed metaphors