Author: Anonymous Page 101

Fortune teller: Séance fiction.

Definitions

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

Hors d'oeuvres: A sandwich cut into 20 pieces.

Definitions Food/Drink

You'll get into hot water skating on thin ice!

Mixed metaphors

Communist: A guy who borrows your pot to cook your goose.

Definitions

Bridge is the only game that bruises more shins than hockey.

Activities Games

American: One who gets mad when a foreigner curses the institutions he curses.

America Definitions Places

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Definitions Science/Weather Taxes

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Appearance Body Language

Opportunist: A person who, finding himself in hot water, decides he needs a bath anyway.

Definitions Situations

To make the drawers work better, rub them with paraphernalia.

Malaprops

Vacation: A period during which people find out where to stay away from next year.

Definitions

90% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Government Law Lawyers

There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.

Communication Health Language

Brassiere: A bust stop.

Clothing Definitions

“Who is this Tom Swifty character anyway?” asked Tom unselfconsciously.

Tom Swifties

Spilt Milk: Udder waste.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

Alcatraz: A pen with a lifetime guarantee.

Definitions Wordplay

“I got this ballpoint pen from a Yugoslav friend”, said Tom acerbically.

Tom Swifties

What a terrible cat's after me!

Malaprops

Gorilla see, gorilla do.

Mixed metaphors