Author: Anonymous Page 101

“The policeman charged me twenty bucks for speeding,” said Tom finally.

Tom Swifties

“Our local clergyman has a toothache,” said Tom vicariously.

Tom Swifties

Electrician: A person who wires for money.

Definitions Occupations Work

Old Age: When you find yourself using one bend-over to pick up two things.

Age Definitions Old

With Lenny in, Carl will fold like a domino!

Mixed metaphors

Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.

Mixed metaphors

Truck Driver: A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people.

Definitions Occupations

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny; if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Food/Drink Men People Sex

When you feel that you would like to go back to your youth, think of algebra.

Age Old Young

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar.

Autos Definitions Things

Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute.

Definitions Law Lawyers

Life: A sexually transmitted disease with 100% fatality rate.

Definitions Life

She knocked the socks off the ball.

Mixed metaphors

“Now I have the tools to chop down that tree,” said Tom with a heavy accent.

Tom Swifties

He is so fat… when he gets in an elevator, it has to go down.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Legal: Used to mean lawful; now it means some kind of loophole.

Definitions Government Law

Tact: The ability to arrive at conclusions without expressing them.

Definitions

Adolescence is the time in life when a youngster is well informed about anything he doesn’t have to study.

Age

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink

Absent: The notation generally following your name in a class record.

Definitions

He experienced some rectal breeding.

Malaprops