Author: Anonymous Page 102

Butt: The body part that every item of clothing makes “look bigger.”

Appearance Body Definitions

She is so ugly… when she walked in to Taco Bell, everyone ran for the border.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

“I’m going window shopping,” said Tom listlessly.

Tom Swifties

This is really a jack of all trades and master of non.

Misspokements

A stitch in time saves a poke in the eye with a wet fish.

Mixed metaphors

“Don’t you know my name?” asked Tom swiftly.

Tom Swifties

Birthdays are nice to have, but too many of them will kill a person.

Age

If you look like your passport photo, you’re too sick to travel.

Appearance

Virtue: Lack of opportunity.

Characteristics Definitions

The record cover was a blank slate in 1939 at Columbia Records.

Mixed metaphors

Garage: An attic on a lower level.

Definitions

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.

Definitions

“I’m sure we can fool them into thinking this is pollen,” said Tom beguilingly.

Tom Swifties

My husband went to Radio Shack and got some dog ears for the TV.

Malaprops Television

Fortune teller: Séance fiction.

Definitions

Farm: What a city man dreams of at 5 p.m…. never at 5 a.m.

Definitions

Among the propensities of humans which almost exceed understanding come the parsimony of the rich and the extravagance of the poor.

Money Poverty Wealth

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are.

Definitions Family People

Heredity: The bad traits a child gets from the other side of the family.

Definitions Family

Hat: Something the average man covers his head with, the beggar passes around, the statesman throws into the ring, and the politician talks through.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

… just to relieve the monopoly.

Malaprops Situations