Author: Anonymous Page 102

We should continue to ride the horse that brings in the gravy.

Mixed metaphors

Let's call the kettle what it is!

Mixed metaphors

He is so old… I told him to act his own age, and he died.

Age Exaggerations Old

“I’ve stuck a pin through my nose,” said Tom punctually.

Tom Swifties

“Why is this telephone flex always tangled?” asked Tom coyly.

Tom Swifties

Self-respect: The secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.

Definitions

Doctor: The only man who hasn’t a guaranteed cure for a cold.

Definitions Doctors Health

The bottom line boils down to…

Mixed metaphors

Amnesty: The state’s magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

Definitions

Upgraded: Didn't work the first time.

Definitions Situations

Arthritis: Twinges in the hinges.

Definitions Health

Between closed walls

Mixed metaphors

Nothing is so fallacious as facts, except figures.

Beliefs Facts

Accomplice: One who lacks brains as well as honesty.

Definitions

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

Characteristics God Life

The fights you avoid do you far more good than the ones you will win.

Conflict Fights Proverbs

Gardening: Man’s effort to improve his lot.

Activities Definitions

“I can eat one hundred and forty-four,” Tom boasted grossly.

Tom Swifties

Philosopher: One who, instead of crying over spilt milk, consoles himself with the thought that it was over four-fifths water.

Definitions Occupations

Detour: The roughest distance between two points.

Activities Definitions Travel

He is so fat… he can't even jump to a conclusion.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat