Author: Anonymous Page 102

“That’s not how you draw a circle,” he criticized her roundly.

Tom Swifties

Diplomat: A person who thinks twice before saying nothing.

Definitions

Rugby: A game played by gentlemen with odd-shaped balls.

Definitions Sports

Bride: A gal who puts her foot down as soon as her new husband has carried her over the threshold.

Definitions Marriage Wives

Bigamist: A man who marries a beautiful girl and a good cook.

Definitions Marriage Wives

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Dating Definitions Relationships

Fishing License: Permit issued upon payment of a modest fee that allows fishermen to lose lures in a specified area.

Activities Definitions

“I’ve been to a film festival in Southern France,” said Tom cannily.

Tom Swifties

Lemonade Stand: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of fifteen cents.

Definitions

Bridge is a friendly game invented by two married couples who disliked each other.

Activities Games

Good Advice: What a man gives when he gets too old to set a bad example.

Beliefs Definitions Opinion

“I visit my parents every Sunday,” said Tom weakly.

Tom Swifties

If you let the cat out of the bag, how can you let sleeping dogs lie?

Mixed metaphors

Don't count your chickens until you see the whites of their eyes.

Mixed metaphors

“I’m very popular with women”, said Don wanly.

Tom Swifties

“I’m a broken man,” Tom cracked.

Tom Swifties

Altar: Place where a man loses control of himself.

Definitions Marriage

Diagnosis: A physician’s forecast of the disease by the patient’s pulse and purse.

Definitions Health

Dance: The action of moving rhythmically to music with a partner, a skill which a woman possesses naturally, but which a man acquires only for the short time in his young adulthood when he wishes to meet and impress young women, and abandons thereafter due to mysterious knee injuries.

Dance Definitions Entertainment

It's time to swallow the bullet.

Mixed metaphors

Kin: An affliction of the blood.

Definitions Family