Author: Anonymous Page 102

Boxing: A mutual affliction of brain damage for the amusement of the public.

Boxing Definitions Sports

The mosquitoes in Louisiana are so big, they can stand flat foot and screw a chicken!

Animals Exaggerations

“I find you guilty,” said the judge with conviction.

Tom Swifties

Post Operative: Letter carrier

Definitions

Hold the Farm!

Mixed metaphors

Waiter: A guy who believes money grows on a tray.

Definitions Occupations Work

Beer math is 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.

Beer Science/Weather

John Hurt looks like Joan of Arc, after she's burnt at stake.

Appearance Insults

Beware of the half truth… you may have gotten hold of the wrong half.

Beliefs Honesty Truth

Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your own way.

Definitions

Testosterone: Hormone which causes facial hair, muscularity, a deep voice, speeding tickets, the desire to watch professional wrestling, Arnold Shwarzenegger movies, war, fist fights, and the need to purchase cocktails for women with names like “Boom Boom. ”

Definitions Men

“Let’s sort this out,” Tom ordered.

Tom Swifties

Billboards: Litter on a stick.

Definitions

Family Planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Children Definitions Family

“I’m about to hit the golf ball,” Tom forewarned.

Tom Swifties

Zircon: A diamond falsie.

Definitions

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

Death

Youth: The first fifty years of your life… the first twenty of anyone else’s.

Age Definitions Young

Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's rainin'!

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

He's so thin he had to stand twice in the same place to make a shadow.

Miscellaneous

Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Body Definitions