Author: Anonymous Page 103

Zoo: A place where humans go and animals are barred.

Animals Definitions

Abscond: To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

Crime Definitions

State-Of-The-Art: Soon-to-be-obsolete.

Definitions

He is so dumb, blondes tell jokes about him.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

“I’ve got sand in my dinner,” said Tom grittily.

Tom Swifties

I'm not the kind of person who wears his heart up his sleeve.

Malaprops

He’s so crooked that when he dies, they’re going to have to screw him into the ground.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

Antique: An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of,  and you're buying again.

Definitions Things

Looks like he’s been sortin’ wildcats.

Appearance Expressions

Plagiarism: Failure to adorn stolen ideas with footnotes, as opposed to scholarship, which repeatedly acknowledges the theft.

Definitions Ideas Reading/Writing

You might think the Channel Islands are a backwater.

Mixed metaphors

Yacht: A floating debt.

Definitions

He is so fat… he had his own area code.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Put your monkey where your mouth is.

Malaprops Money

He was as mad as a mule chewin' on bumblebees!

Miscellaneous

Our organization really frowns down on that.

Mixed metaphors

“Our local clergyman has a toothache,” said Tom vicariously.

Tom Swifties

Love: A form of self-government under a two-party system.

Definitions Emotions Love

My husband and I have a monotonous relationship.

Malaprops Relationships

Ventriloquist: A man who never speaks for himself.

Communication Definitions Speech

He’s not only turning grey, he has a receiving hairline!

Malaprops