Author: Anonymous Page 103

Divorce: Going through a change of wife.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Bathing Suit: A garment cut to see level.

Appearance Clothing Definitions Wordplay

Expert: A person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.

Definitions

He’s so chincy, he can call his every dollar by its first name.

Frugal Miscellaneous Money

A missionary is a person who teaches cannibals to say grace before they him.

People

Fishing: A jerk at one end of the line waiting for a jerk at the other end.

Activities Definitions

Only in America can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box whilst a draft dodger lives in the White House.

America Places Situations

Ambiguity: The lack of clarity in speech… or perhaps, something else.

Definitions

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Definitions

Cheerfulness: The art of concealing your true feelings.

Definitions Emotions Happiness

Dog Pound: A used cur lot.

Definitions

How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you are on.

Time

If winners never quit, and quitters never win, what idiot came up with quit while you're ahead?

People Situations

A bird in the hand is mightier than the sword.

Mixed metaphors

“I caught two hares”, said Tom abrasively.

Tom Swifties

Social Diseases: Germs of endearment.

Definitions

When your head is in the bear's mouth, it is not the time to be smacking him on the nose.

Communication Problems

“I used to be a paratrooper,” Tom explained.

Tom Swifties

You’re prettier than a spotted heifer in a pansy patch!

Appearance Expressions

Etiquette: The noise you don’t make while eating soup.

Definitions

Users: Computer users are divided into three types: Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people's computers.

Computers Definitions People Things