Author: Anonymous Page 103

“That certainly took the wind out of my sails!” said Tom disgustedly.

Tom Swifties

Good to be back on the old terracotta.

Malaprops

Etiquette is the noise you don’t make while having soup.

Characteristics

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.

Definitions

The flood damage was so bad they had to evaporate the city.

Malaprops

Tact: The ability to arrive at conclusions without expressing them.

Definitions

Childish Games: Those at which your wife beats you.

Activities Definitions Games

When it comes to paying, he’s the first to put his hand in his pocket… and leave it there.

Frugal Money

Baby: Morning caller, noonday crawler, midnight bawler.

Children Definitions Family

Horse: An oatsmobile.

Animals Definitions

Apathy: Vigor mortis.

Definitions

Insomnia: contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Our organization really frowns down on that.

Mixed metaphors

Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Activities

Brainstorm: To feign preparedness.

Definitions

“The exit is right there,” Tom pointed out.

Tom Swifties

Window Screen: A device for keeping flies in the house.

Definitions Things

“For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful,” said Tom gracefully.

Tom Swifties

I like a lot of partisan cheese on my pizza.

Food/Drink Malaprops

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common… they should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Government Politicians

“3.14159265,” Tom said piously.

Tom Swifties