Author: Anonymous Page 104

Advice: Something which we give by the bushel but take by the grain.

Definitions

“Monaural and quadraphonic systems are exceptions,” said Tom stereotypically.

Tom Swifties

I don't want to hold an open manhole over your head.

Mixed metaphors

Birthdays are nice to have, but too many of them will kill a person.

Age

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

Entertainment Marriage Sex Television

You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince.

Dating Relationships Situations

We need to have photographic ears.

Mixed metaphors

Keep your nose up!

Mixed metaphors

Just when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, the roof caves in!

Situations

Conscience: The voice that tells you not to do something after you have done it.

Definitions

Window Screen: A device for keeping flies in the house.

Definitions Things

Please excuse Timmy from school Friday. He has very loose vowels.

Health Malaprops

The discovery of the preserved bodies “breathed new life into” Arctic exploration.

Mixed metaphors

If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances are 50–50 it will.

Situations

Miser: One who’s perfectly content to let the rest of the world go buy.

Definitions

We’ll do this individually as a group.

Mixed metaphors

“Give me some Chinese food”, said Tom wantonly.

Tom Swifties

“I’ve joined the navy,” Tom said fleetingly.

Tom Swifties

The monkey is in your court.

Mixed metaphors

Diet: Something to take the starch out of you.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink

Honesty: The fear of being caught.

Characteristics Definitions