Author: Anonymous Page 104

Aren't you ever tired of having yourself around?

Insults

“I lost my pants in the stock market,” Tom speculated.

Tom Swifties

Quality Control: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.

Definitions

Dentist: A collector of old magazines.

Definitions Occupations

“This is mutiny!” said Tom bountifully.

Tom Swifties

Babysitter: A teenager you hire to watch your TV.

Definitions

Women: Can't live with 'em – can't live with 'em.

People Women

Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Definitions

I'm happier than a woodpecker in a lumber yard.

Miscellaneous

Censorship: The power of the suppress.

Communication Wordplay

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Divorce Marriage

Married at the hip

Mixed metaphors

Whistle: Wind having a narrow escape.

Definitions

Tears: A good-bye product.

Definitions

Window Screen: A device for keeping flies in the house.

Definitions Things

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink

That's the whole kettle of fish in a nutshell.

Mixed metaphors

Television Programming: Material that fills the time between commercials.

Definitions Entertainment

Fobia: The fear of misspelled words.

Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

Internship: A sleepless ordeal imposed on young M.D.’s for the purpose of weeding out the weak and infirm among them, and eroding the health of the survivors sufficiently to ensure better empathy in the years to come.

Definitions Doctors

It’s time to grab the bull by the tail and look him in the eye.

Mixed metaphors