Author: Anonymous Page 104

“Pass the playing cards,” said Tom ideally.

Tom Swifties

He really grates me up the wrong way.

Mixed metaphors

We need to look the 800-pound gorilla in the mouth

Mixed metaphors

I'm hungry enough to eat cats and dogs.

Mixed metaphors

Bore: A person who has nothing to say and says it.

Definitions

Applause before a speaker begins his talk is an act of faith; applause during the speech is an act of hope; applause after he has concluded is an act of charity.

Communication Speech

Intuition: The sixth sense that allows a woman five wrong guesses.

Definitions Women

She’s a tall drink of water.

Appearance Body Expressions

He smokes like a fish.

Mixed metaphors

Teachers: United Mind Workers.

Definitions Education Wordplay

“Who was in the sauna with you while I was at work today?” she asked hotly.

Tom Swifties

Fewer and fewer in between

Misspokements Mixed metaphors

Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

Their relationship was purely plutonic.

Malaprops Relationships

Fern: A plant that you’re supposed to water once a day, and when you don’t it dies, but if you do it dies anyway, only not so soon.

Definitions

Armor: A knight gown.

Clothing Definitions

We have taken care of all of the silver bullets.

Mixed metaphors

Opportunist: One who goes ahead and does what you always planned to do. 

Definitions

Age: The time when everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.

Age Definitions Old

It'll be a cold day in January when that happens!

Mixed metaphors

The amount of education you have determines your loot in life.

Education Malaprops