Author: Anonymous Page 105

Maps: The shorthand of geography.

Definitions

… quicker than any other slowdowns

Mixed metaphors

Post Office: U.S. Snail.

Communication Definitions

“I have a delivery of shoes for the prisoners,” said Tom consolingly.

Tom Swifties

Punctuality: Waiting around for other people.

Definitions

“She even flies her own jet,” Tom leered.

Tom Swifties

“I can take photographs if I want to!” Tom snapped.

Tom Swifties

Accountant: One who uses your books to figure his profit.

Definitions Occupations

Foresight is knowing when to shut your mouth before someone suggests it.

Communication Speech

Autobiography: An I-witness account

Books Communication Definitions People Self

A missionary is a person who teaches cannibals to say grace before they him.

People

“That young insect is female,” said Tom gallantly.

Tom Swifties

It is so hot… I saw two trees fighting over a dog.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

State-Of-The-Art: Soon-to-be-obsolete.

Definitions

People will blow smoke and mirrors at you.

Mixed metaphors

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars

Men People Women

Pregnancy: The shape of things to come.

Definitions

Ability: What you have to get by on if you don’t kiss-up to the boss.

Definitions

Acupuncture: Waiting for a cure on pins and needles.

Miscellaneous

We should get our foot in the door and get the ball rolling.

Mixed metaphors

I am sorry to say that my affluence over my niece is very small.

Malaprops