Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 105
Reunion: When you meet people your own age who all look a lot older than you.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Reunion
An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be.
Anonymous
Characteristics
People
Optimist
Pessimists
The future of the church depends on passing the torch to the next generation.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Our organization really frowns down on that.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Hallucination: A belief owned exclusively by one person.
Anonymous
Definitions
Hallucination
Fobia: The fear of misspelled words.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Reading/Writing
Fobia
She makes pancakes so thin they’ve got just one side to them.
Anonymous
Expressions
Food/Drink
Frugal
Money
Pancakes
It’s time to grab the bull by the tail and look him in the eye.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Two in every one people in this country are schizophrenic.
Anonymous
People
Schizophrenic
Falsies: A hope chest.
Anonymous
Body
Clothing
Definitions
Falsies
She is so fat… she broke the family tree.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Exaggerations
Fat
X: The signature of a happy man.
Anonymous
Definitions
Signature
X
Afterthought: A tardy sense of prudence that prompts one to try to shut his mouth about the time he has put his foot in it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Afterthought
They need to wake up and smell the music.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.
Anonymous
Communication
People
Speech
Internet
Dictator: A self-madman.
Anonymous
Definitions
Dictator
Optometrist: A person you have to see.
Anonymous
Definitions
Doctors
Optometrist
“Would you like to buy some cod?” asked Tom selfishly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
He’s so skinny, his pants had only one back pocket.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Expressions
Skinny
Thin
Avoidance: A dance for people who hate each other.
Anonymous
Definitions
Avoidance
Money is the
roof
of all evil.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Root
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