Author: Anonymous Page 105

Paradox: Two physicians.

Definitions Doctors Wordplay

“This steamroller is amazing,” said Tom flatteringly.

Tom Swifties

Insurance: A form of gambling in which we bet our chance of escaping disaster, and win only when we lose.

Definitions

Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute?

Communication Men Speech Women

Grocery list: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Activities Definitions Shopping

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun.

America Arms Conflict People Places

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Beliefs Definitions Occupations

Spanking: Stern punishment.

Definitions

Behold, this very day, I have interceded another letter from the fellow.

Malaprops

“Cut it out!” said Tom sharply.

Tom Swifties

Election: When the air is full of speeches and vice versa

Communication Definitions Elections/Voting Government Speech

“Monaural and quadraphonic systems are exceptions,” said Tom stereotypically.

Tom Swifties

Till the cows freeze over.

Mixed metaphors

Toupée: Top secret.

Definitions

Running around like a chicken with its legs cut off

Mixed metaphors

“I prefer trout to salmon,” Tom said officiously.

Tom Swifties

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

Bureaucracy: The art of making the possible seem impossible.

Definitions

Aussie Kiss: Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

Definitions Sex

Fiddling with his guitar

Mixed metaphors

Zigzag: The shortest distance between two drinks.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink