Author: Anonymous Page 105

Reunion: When you meet people your own age who all look a lot older than you.

An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be.

The future of the church depends on passing the torch to the next generation.

Our organization really frowns down on that.

Hallucination: A belief owned exclusively by one person.

Fobia: The fear of misspelled words.

She makes pancakes so thin they’ve got just one side to them.

It’s time to grab the bull by the tail and look him in the eye.

Two in every one people in this country are schizophrenic.

Falsies: A hope chest.

She is so fat… she broke the family tree.

X: The signature of a happy man.

Afterthought: A tardy sense of prudence that prompts one to try to shut his mouth about the time he has put his foot in it.

They need to wake up and smell the music.

I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.

Dictator: A self-madman.

Optometrist: A person you have to see.

“Would you like to buy some cod?” asked Tom selfishly.

He’s so skinny, his pants had only one back pocket.

Avoidance: A dance for people who hate each other.

Money is the roof of all evil.