Author: Anonymous Page 106

World: A place that was built in six days – and looks it.

Definitions Places World

It is so flat, you can stand on a milk crate and watch your dog run away for three days.

Expressions Places

Dictator: A self-madman.

Definitions

If you can't fix it with duct tape you haven’t used enough.

Problems Situations

He was a very immortal person.

Characteristics Malaprops

If your time ain't come, not even a doctor can kill you.

Death Doctors Health Life Situations

It is so hot… I saw a chicken lay a fried egg.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Window Screen: A device for keeping flies in the house.

Definitions Things

How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?

Food/Drink Situations

Don't beat a dead horse in the mouth.

Mixed metaphors

The best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one!

Dating Men Relationships Sex

“My bicycle wheel is damaged,” said Tom outspokenly.

Tom Swifties

If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.

Characteristics Expressions Situations

Nymphomania: A disease where the patient enjoys being bedridden.

Definitions Sex

Fern: A plant that you’re supposed to water once a day, and when you don’t it dies, but if you do it dies anyway, only not so soon.

Definitions

Acorn: An oak in a nutshell.

Definitions

He’s so lazy, he’d marry a pregnant woman.

Characteristics Expressions

II want to go home and smuggle with my wife.

Malaprops

Patriotism: The willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons dreamed up by politicians.

Death Definitions

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

Murphy’s Laws

When making picture frames, you’ll need a Midas box, so you can cut the angle right.

Malaprops