Author: Anonymous Page 106

People who wear glass slippers shouldn't kick stones.

Mixed metaphors

Accident: A thing that is caused by people, but often causes people.

Accidents Definitions Problems

To avoid misunderstanding, I’ll stop speaking formal English and just use the binocular.

Communication Language Malaprops

Absentee: A missing golfing peg.

Definitions Golf Sports

“I’m putting on my T-shirt, shorts, and sunglasses,” Tom summarized.

Tom Swifties

The whole can of wax

Mixed metaphors

Bald: When one has less hair to comb but more face to wash.

Appearance Definitions

They're in the trenches; they're on the horse and they're riding it.

Mixed metaphors

Tact: The art of knowing how far one may go too far.

Communication Definitions

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Intelligence Memory Past

Adverse: Promotional jingle.

Definitions

Off the cuff of my head.

Mixed metaphors

Liberal: One who tolerates all beliefs and opinions except those with which he disagrees.

Beliefs Definitions

College: A fountain of knowledge where students gather to drink.

Definitions Education School

“Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I sleep in a wigwam; Tuesdays, Thursdays, and weekends I sleep in a teepee”, said Tom very attentively.

Tom Swifties

Nobody who can read is ever successful at cleaning out the attic.

Situations

Fishing: A delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

Activities Definitions

“Take me to the dance,” Mary bawled.

Tom Swifties

“I have no recollection of the last twenty-four hours,” said Tom lackadaisically.

Tom Swifties

Capital Punishment: Killing people who kill people to prove that killing people is wrong.

Crime Death Definitions Killing

Artificial Insemination: Impregnation without representation and procreation without recreation.

Definitions