Author: Anonymous Page 106

Motherhood: If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor.

Definitions

Miser: One who’s perfectly content to let the rest of the world go buy.

Definitions

He’s so ugly his mother had to borrow a baby to take to church.

Appearance Expressions Ugly

If the baby is happy, don’t try to make it happier.

Family Proverbs

Director: The one who always faces the music.

Definitions Music

“Don’t add too much water,” said Tom with great concentration.

Tom Swifties

Hard to tell whether somebody wanted to make a pretentious allegory and threw in a naked Melanie Griffith to help market it, or just wanted to market a naked Melanie Griffith and threw in a pretentious allegory as justification.

Reviews/Criticism

When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.

Problems Situations

Divorce: A splitting headache.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

You can lead a gift horse to water but you can't look him in the mouth.

Mixed metaphors

Babysitter: One who accepts hush money.

Definitions

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Beliefs Definitions Occupations

Philanthropist: One who gives away what he should give back.

Definitions

Love: A form of self-government under a two-party system.

Definitions Emotions Love

“Your trousers have come apart!” was Tom’s unseemly comment.

Tom Swifties

“I can’t be bothered,” said Tom carelessly.

Tom Swifties

Nothing out of the unusual

Mixed metaphors

You could have blown me over with a feather.

Misspokements

Which way are the tea leaves blowing?

Mixed metaphors

Expert: A man from another city, and the farther away that city is, the greater the expert.

Definitions

“I hear a brook,” Tom babbled.

Tom Swifties