Author: Anonymous Page 106

Up a tree without a paddle

Mixed metaphors

School teachers are not fully appreciated by parents until it rains all day Saturday.

Education Occupations Work

“I’m swimming in the middle of Paris!” shouted Tom insanely.

Tom Swifties

“I wonder if there’s a number between seven and nine,” said Tom considerately.

Tom Swifties

Savages: People who don’t know what is wrong until missionaries show them.

Definitions People

When I ask what time it is – I don't need to know how the watch is built.

Communication Expressions Speech

Spanking: To impress upon the mind from the bottom up.

Definitions

It's like pulling hen's teeth.

Mixed metaphors

Truck Driver: A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people.

Definitions Occupations

Tougher than a boiled owl.

Expressions

Altar-Boy: A type of bicycle accident.

Definitions

Bury it under the carpet

Mixed metaphors

“Rasputin and I are lovers,” said Nicholas bizarrely.

Tom Swifties

Memorial Service: A farewell party for someone who has already left.

Death Definitions

Two in every one people in this country are schizophrenic.

People

Due process of elimination

Mixed metaphors

Jazz Musician: A juggler who uses harmonies instead of oranges.

Definitions Entertainment Music

This is just a nightmare waiting to happen.

Mixed metaphors

Among the propensities of humans which almost exceed understanding come the parsimony of the rich and the extravagance of the poor.

Money Poverty Wealth

“I won’t stand for painting,” said Tom uneasily.

Tom Swifties

Experience: The name an older man gives to his mistakes.

Definitions Mistakes