Author: Anonymous Page 107

Taxation: The process by which money is collected from the people to pay the salaries of the men who do the collecting.

Definitions Government Taxes

Black Eye: A stamp of disapproval.

Definitions

She is so ugly… when she gets up, the sun goes down.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

A heart as big as gold

Mixed metaphors

Get a new car for your spouse; it’ll be a great trade!

Autos Marriage Things

Sabbatical: A Latin word meaning, “I quit, but you won’t know it for certain for a year.”

Definitions

Sunburn: Getting what you basked for.

Definitions

Now you have hit it on the head with the nail.

Mixed metaphors

Craze: The other guy’s hobby.

Definitions

Toupée: Top secret.

Definitions

I keep trying to lose weight… but it keeps finding me.

Appearance Body Fat

“Doctor, why do you have to remove my womb?” asked Mary hysterically.

Tom Swifties

“The exit is right there,” Tom pointed out.

Tom Swifties

Cantaloupe: Gotta get married in a church.

Definitions Marriage

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

Definitions

Birthdays are nice to have, but too many of them will kill a person.

Age

Caffeine: One of the four basic food groups.

Definitions Food/Drink

There are two sides to every argument, and they’re usually married to each other.

Communication Conflict Marriage Speech

Spouse: Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

Definitions Marriage

“Who is this Tom Swifty character anyway?” asked Tom unselfconsciously.

Tom Swifties

[Marriage] is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Marriage