Author: Anonymous Page 107

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

Entertainment Marriage Sex Television

The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

Loose lips sink like a rock.

Mixed metaphors

Smuggler: One who neglects his duty to his country.

Definitions Wordplay

I’m so hungry I could beat a dead horse.

Mixed metaphors

Inflation: Being broke with a lot of money in your pocket.

Definitions Money

I’m gonna dig in my feet on this one.

Mixed metaphors

I’m just talking out loud.

Mixed metaphors

He used to kiss her on her lips, but it's all over now.

Situations

It will have a special time on our plate.

Misspokements

Sympathy: What one usually gives to a friend or relative when he doesn’t want to lend him money.

Definitions Emotions

Executive: A big gun – that hasn’t been fired yet.

Definitions

Desk: A dangerous place from which to view the world.

Definitions

Parents are embarrassed when their children tell lies, and even more embarrassed when they tell the truth.

Children Communication Family Honesty Lies Speech Truth

Philosophy: Common sense in a dress suit.

Definitions Intelligence Wisdom

I invented a new word – “plagiarism.”

Communication Language Wordplay

Keep paying the electricity bill.

Health

They'll never buy the cow if they can get the eggs for free.

Mixed metaphors

Jury: A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

Definitions

Abash: A high school graduation party.

Definitions

He is so fat… he's on both sides of the family.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat