Author: Anonymous Page 107

Fine Print: A clause for suspicion.

Definitions

“I won’t finish in fifth place,” Tom held forth.

Tom Swifties

Night Club: A place where they take the rest out of restaurant and put the din in dinner.

Definitions Places

Cemetery: An isolated spot, usually in a suburb, where mourners swap lies.

Definitions

Desire: The thing that is so often nipped in the budget.

Definitions Emotions

Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your own way.

Definitions

“Here’s your allowance for the next two weeks,” Tom advanced.

Tom Swifties

Senility: The pleasantly rueful experience of forgetting what we’ve forgotten.

Age Definitions Intelligence Memory Old

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

Definitions Wordplay

Doctor: Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.

Definitions Doctors Health

I'd like to be a fish on the wall at that meeting.

Mixed metaphors

We certainly don't want to rock the apple cart.

Mixed metaphors

Undertaker: The last guy to let you down.

Definitions Occupations Work

Nurses: Patient people.

Definitions Health Occupations

A circle is a line of no depth running round a point forever.

Science/Weather

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Husbands Marriage Wives

Lawyer: Men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers.

Definitions Lawyers

The ship of state has a difficult road ahead.

Mixed metaphors

Marching to the beat of a dead horse

Mixed metaphors

“Boy, will I give you a haircut!” said Tom barbarously.

Tom Swifties

Election: When the air is full of speeches and vice versa

Communication Definitions Elections/Voting Government Speech