Author: Anonymous Page 107

“I just bought a woollen sweater,” said Tom sheepishly.

Tom Swifties

She knocked the socks off the ball.

Mixed metaphors

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Definitions Marriage

Running around like a chicken with its legs cut off

Mixed metaphors

Brothel: Home is where the tart is.

Definitions

“It’s my personal magnetism,” said Tom ironically.

Tom Swifties

Free Verse: Verse written without rhyme or reason.

Definitions Reading/Writing

Cleopatra: Queen of denial.

Definitions

It's as American as killing two birds with one apple pie.

Mixed metaphors

I think the big guns will come to the boil.

Mixed metaphors

Female: One who believes if you charge it, it’s not spending, and if you add a cherry to it, it’s not intoxicating.

Definitions People

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

Jim Rosenthal to an American goalie: So what’s an American doing playing in goal for Millwall.

The goalie’s reply: I’m trying to keep the ball out.

Colemanballs

Everyone has the right to be stupid but you’re abusing the priviledge.

Insults Intelligence

Let dead dogs sleep.

Mixed metaphors

Anesthetic: The painkiller that crazy women refuse during labor.

Definitions

Aborigines: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country.

Definitions People

Conservative: A liberal who has just been mugged.

Beliefs Definitions

Recycling of animal protein in feed proved a recipe for disaster.

Mixed metaphors

Automated: A couple making love in a car.

Definitions

That's the pot calling the kettle's bluff.

Mixed metaphors