Author: Anonymous Page 108

Architects: People who now have to measure their patrons for the breakfast nook.

Definitions Occupations

A bird in the hand is worth two in the tush.

Malaprops

“That’s especially stupid!” said Tom superciliously.

Tom Swifties

I looked to see what I could hear.

Mixed metaphors

“He’s a boring chap,” said Tom indulgently.

Tom Swifties

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Death Definitions

“It’s only average,” said Tom meanly.

Tom Swifties

I know who turned off the lights,” Tom hinted darkly.

Tom Swifties

Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?

Expressions Marriage

Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute.

Definitions Law Lawyers

She's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of Nile.

Characteristics Malaprops

Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.

Success Work

Foot: A politician’s pacifier.

Definitions Politicians

It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.

Mixed metaphors

Quit spitting on the handle and get to hoeing.

Expressions Work

Barber: The town cutup.

Definitions Wordplay

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.

Intelligence Memory

Fashion: A make-work program to get women to buy new clothes for no real reason before the old clothes wear out.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Up a tree without a paddle

Mixed metaphors

Female: One who believes if you charge it, it’s not spending, and if you add a cherry to it, it’s not intoxicating.

Definitions People

Callous: Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.

Characteristics Definitions