Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 108
Automatic: If something is automatic, that simple means that you can’t repair it yourself.
Anonymous
Definitions
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Repair
Disc Jockey: A guy who lives on spins and needles.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Disc Jockey
People have one thing in common: they are all different.
Anonymous
People
Oxymorons
“A spirit transported me from the couch to the chair,” said Tom, visibly moved.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
Anonymous
Situations
Practice
Ambition: Goaled rush.
Anonymous
Definitions
Ambition
Zeal: A nervous disorder affecting the young and inexperienced.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Definitions
Zeal
“I have been reading Voltaire,” Tom admitted candidly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Candide
“I’m not leaving the chapel until I finish this painting,” said Michelangelo insistently.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Sistene Chapel
Middle age: When a woman’s hair starts turning from gray to black.
Anonymous
Age
Appearance
Definitions
Hair
Middle age
The real estate agent can give you all the
perpendiculars
of this listing.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Particulars
Diaphragm: A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.
Anonymous
Body
Definitions
Health
Diaphragm
The Norwegian language has been described as German spoken underwater.
Anonymous
Communication
Language
Places
Norway
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
Anonymous
Sports
Skiing
I've been mostly camping and living in
hostiles.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Places
Hostels
Congress: A body of men brought together to slow down the government.
Anonymous
Congress
Definitions
Government
He looked very thin and
emancipated.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Malaprops
Emaciated
I spent all my money on a FAX machine; now I can only FAX collect.
Anonymous
Money
Things
FAX machines
That's a hard bubble to crack.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Tolerance: That uncomfortable feeling that the other fellow might be right after all.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Characteristics
Definitions
Tolerance
“That’s more or less correct,” Tom said roughly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
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