Author: Anonymous Page 108

Automatic: If something is automatic, that simple means that you can’t repair it yourself.

Definitions Murphy’s Laws Problems

Disc Jockey: A guy who lives on spins and needles.

Definitions Occupations

People have one thing in common: they are all different.

People

“A spirit transported me from the couch to the chair,” said Tom, visibly moved.

Tom Swifties

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

Situations

Ambition: Goaled rush.

Definitions

Zeal: A nervous disorder affecting the young and inexperienced.

Characteristics Definitions

“I have been reading Voltaire,” Tom admitted candidly.

Tom Swifties

“I’m not leaving the chapel until I finish this painting,” said Michelangelo insistently.

Tom Swifties

Middle age: When a woman’s hair starts turning from gray to black.

Age Appearance Definitions Hair

The real estate agent can give you all the perpendiculars of this listing.

Malaprops

Diaphragm: A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

Body Definitions Health

The Norwegian language has been described as German spoken underwater.

Communication Language Places

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

Sports

I've been mostly camping and living in hostiles.

Malaprops Places

Congress: A body of men brought together to slow down the government.

Congress Definitions Government

He looked very thin and emancipated.

Appearance Body Malaprops

I spent all my money on a FAX machine; now I can only FAX collect.

Money Things

That's a hard bubble to crack.

Mixed metaphors

Tolerance: That uncomfortable feeling that the other fellow might be right after all.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

“That’s more or less correct,” Tom said roughly.

Tom Swifties