Author: Anonymous Page 108

Don't count all your eggs in one basket.

Mixed metaphors

Get the kinks rolling

Mixed metaphors

“I like camping,” said Tom intently.

Tom Swifties

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

Communication

Arabs wear turbines on their heads.

Clothing Malaprops

Funeral: A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

Death Definitions

Diagnosis: A physician’s forecast of the disease by the patient’s pulse and purse.

Definitions Health

I am sure I have done everything in my power since I exploded the affair.

Malaprops

Sprouts: Innocent green plants snatched in their infancy and devoured alive by ravenous vegetarians.

Definitions Food/Drink

These two guys are cut out of the same mold.

Mixed metaphors

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

Money Time

“This fabric is not good enough to make a bolero,” said Tom unravellingly.

Tom Swifties

“This boat leaks,” said Tom balefully.

Tom Swifties

She looks better goin than comin!

Appearance Body Expressions Ugly

Borrow money from pessimists; they don't expect it back.

Characteristics Money

“Why don’t you have some fruit?”, asked Tom with aplomb.

Tom Swifties

Race Track: Where thousands of people can get taken for a ride on the same horse.

Definitions

The wages of sin are unreported.

Government Taxes

We're cooking on all four cylinders.

Mixed metaphors

Adolescence: That period when children feel their parents should be told the facts of life.

Age Definitions

Babysitter: A teenager you pay $7 an hour to eat $20 worth of snacks.

Definitions