Author: Anonymous Page 108

It is so flat, you can stand on a milk crate and watch your dog run away for three days.

Expressions Places

“I was absolutely vitrified,” said Tom with a glazed look.

Tom Swifties

Like stealing cake from a baby

Mixed metaphors

It ain't a pretty sight for the ears.

Mixed metaphors

They're a legend before their time.

Mixed metaphors

Plumber: A drain surgeon.

Definitions Occupations

Debts: The certain outcome of an uncertain income.

Definitions Money

“I’m on social security,” said Tom dolefully.

Tom Swifties

Work: An unpopular way to earn money.

Definitions Work

Sidesaddle: How men, rather than women, would ride in a truly logical world.

Definitions Men Women

Worry: Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.

Definitions Emotions

Ventriloquist: A man with a dummy who always talks to himself.

Definitions

Divorce: A splitting headache.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Absent: The notation generally following your name in a class record.

Definitions

Contract: An agreement to do something if nothing happens to prevent it.

Definitions

Etiquette: The noise you don’t make while eating soup.

Definitions

Organic Farm: Tilling like it is.

Definitions

“It’s just gold leaf”, said Tom guiltily.

Tom Swifties

Beyond the question of a doubt

Mixed metaphors

Housewarming: The last call for wedding presents.

Definitions

The whole ball of worms

Malaprops