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You have the right to remain silent; anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

Communication Law Speech

Intimacy: The first step toward parenthood.

Definitions

Let's call the kettle what it is!

Mixed metaphors

Wrinkles: Something other people have… you have character lines.

Appearance Body Definitions

The monkey is in your court.

Mixed metaphors

Don't corner something that is meaner than you.

Expressions Situations

“I have a gift for you,” said Tom presently.

Tom Swifties

She knocked the socks off the ball.

Mixed metaphors

Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?

Insults Intelligence

When I ask what time it is – I don't need to know how the watch is built.

Communication Expressions Speech

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

Characteristics Men People Women

Toupée: Top secret.

Definitions

I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I’m in the bathroom.

Situations

Hypochondriac: Someone who enjoys bad health.

Definitions Health

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Definitions Health

Perfume: What a woman hopes will make her the scenter of attention.

Definitions Wordplay

I don’t dance, but I’d love to hold you while you do.

Dance Entertainment

Make like a tree and head out.

Mixed metaphors

An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies of a dozen naked women to get to a bottle of stout.

Alcohol Food/Drink People

The guy literally flew down the stairs!

Malaprops

Government Deficit: The difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.

Definitions Government