Author: Anonymous Page 109

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Life Money

When you feel that you would like to go back to your youth, think of algebra.

Age Old Young

“Oops! There goes my hat!” said Tom off the top of his head.

Tom Swifties

Business Lunch: Lunch.

Definitions Food/Drink

Father’s Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Children Definitions Family Food/Drink

Accrue: People who work on a ship.

Definitions

Orthodox: Bone doctors.

Definitions Doctors

Race Track: Where thousands of people can get taken for a ride on the same horse.

Definitions

The light at the end of the tunnel is only muzzle flash.

Mixed metaphors

Mixed Company: What you are in when you think of a story you can’t tell there.

Definitions People

Beware my friend… you are skating on hot water.

Mixed metaphors

It is so hot… the trees are whistling for the dogs.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

He's like a cat out of water

Mixed metaphors

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

Government Politics

It's a long road to hoe

Malaprops

Middle age: When a woman’s hair starts turning from gray to black.

Age Appearance Definitions Hair

Wife: A former sweetheart.

Definitions Marriage

It was so cold… pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets to keep warm.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

“Where’s my pants?” asked Tom briefly.

Tom Swifties

Parents: People who bear infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

I rented The Cool Surface last week; words can't describe how awful it is. I'm a big Teri Hatcher fan, but a rental… is $2.75 thrown down the drain. Save your money by reading the attached plot synopsis: 
[WARNING: spoiler follows] Teri Hatcher has breasts. They look OK.

Reviews/Criticism