Author: Anonymous Page 109

Men are like lawnmowers: they’re hard to get started, emit noxious odors and half the time they don’t work.

Men People

I can't answer that – it's out of my water.

Mixed metaphors

Idiot: A man who sees your point in an argument but refuses to see your way.

Definitions Intelligence

Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.

Mixed metaphors

State-Of-The-Art: Soon-to-be-obsolete.

Definitions

Liberty: Consists in giving everyone full right to mind everyone else’s business.

Miscellaneous

She don’t have the sense God gave a gopher.

Miscellaneous

“Rasputin and I are lovers,” said Nicholas bizarrely.

Tom Swifties

Consultant: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.

Definitions

You need more sugar to get your brain circulating.

Mixed metaphors

A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.

People

Dirt: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Definitions

It was so cold… when we milked the cows, we got ice cream.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

There are only two types of computers in the world: those that waste your precious time and those that waste your precious time faster.

Things Time

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

Communication Conversation Entertainment Speech

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Appearance Body Characteristics

Ventriloquist: A man who never speaks for himself.

Communication Definitions Speech

I wouldn’t be caught dead there with a ten-foot pole.

Mixed metaphors

Diaper: A bum wrap.

Definitions

Reunion: When you meet people your own age who all look a lot older than you.

Definitions People

Linguist: A person who can be misunderstood in many languages.

Communication Definitions Language