Author: Anonymous Page 109

Barber: A brilliant conversationalist who cuts hair for a sideline.

Conversation Definitions Occupations

He’s one brick short of the whole nine yards.

Mixed metaphors

… quicker than any other slowdowns

Mixed metaphors

“Has my magazine arrived?” Tom asked periodically.

Tom Swifties

Military Expert: One who tells you what’s going to happen tomorrow – then tells you why it didn’t.

Definitions Government Military

The monkey is in your court.

Mixed metaphors

I guess the foot’s on the other hand now!

Mixed metaphors

“2 bdrm furn w 5 appl”, said Tom aptly.

Tom Swifties

It is so hot… the trees are whistling for the dogs.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Family Planning: Having all your children while their grandparents are still young enough to be babysitters.

Children Definitions Family

As useless as a pocket on a cow

Expressions

Bus: A vehicle that runs faster when you run after it and runs slowly when you are inside it.

Definitions Driving

He ain’t got enough sense to poor piss out of a boot.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

Bachelor: One who treats all women as sequels.

Definitions

When arguing with a stupid person, be sure he isn’t doing the same thing.

Fools Intelligence

Accrue: People who work on a ship.

Definitions

A rolling stone kills no birds.

Mixed metaphors

He swept the rug under the carpet.

Mixed metaphors

“Now no-one can detect my halitosis,” said Tom breathlessly.

Tom Swifties

Fountain pen: A writing instrument that works marvelously in the store.

Definitions Things

“The phone reception here is excellent,” he said clearly.

Tom Swifties