Author: Anonymous Page 109

Education: A progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Definitions Education

Vasectomy: Never having to say you’re sorry.

Definitions

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.

Golf Sports

Black Eye: A stamp of disapproval.

Definitions

Centenarian: A person who has lived to be one hundred years old. He never smoked or he smoked all his life. He used whiskey for eighty years or he never used it. He was a vegetarian or he wasn’t a vegetarian.

Age Definitions Old

“I’ve still got two fingers left,” said Tom handsomely.

Tom Swifties

April 1: The day we are reminded of what we are the other 364.

Definitions Fools Intelligence

As Bob is my witless

Malaprops

Neurotic: A person who, when you ask how she is, tells you.

Definitions People

Self-respect: The secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.

Definitions

War is hell on wheels.

Mixed metaphors

Censorship: The power of the suppress.

Communication Wordplay

Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.

Characteristics

It ain't rocket surgery.

Mixed metaphors

She is so ugly… when she gets up, the sun goes down.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Make money and the whole nation will conspire to call you a gentleman.

Characteristics Money

Obesity: A surplus gone to waist.

Appearance Body Definitions Fat Wordplay

Fashion: Something that goes out of style as soon as most people have one.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

“I must be on a visit”, Tom guessed.

Tom Swifties

Like licking honey off a blackberry vine

Expressions

“Now I can do some painting,” said Tom easily.

Tom Swifties