Author: Anonymous Page 109

“I’m just an ordinary soldier,” Tom admitted privately.

Tom Swifties

She really stuck her neck out on a limb.

Mixed metaphors

Genius: One who can do almost anything except make a living.

Definitions Intelligence

Ventriloquist: A man with a dummy who always talks to himself.

Definitions

Siamese Twins: First person plural.

Definitions People

He’s a wolf in cheap clothing.

Malaprops

Obscenity is whatever gives the judge an erection.

Law Sex

“Who goes there!” the soldier called out haltingly.

Tom Swifties

Martial Arts: A family of Asiatic self-defense disciplines consisting largely of sweeping ornamental gestures of the arms and legs – amusing to look at but disappointingly ineffective when one’s opponent is armed with a semi-automatic.

Definitions

“I’m falling into a void,” said Tom flawlessly.

Tom Swifties

Cuddling: An act of warmth and affection that a husband will inevitably interpret as foreplay.

Definitions

He couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

Alone… in bad company

Insults

A plastic surgeon increases your face value.

Appearance

Detour: The roughest distance between two points.

Activities Definitions Travel

Aversion: One side of a disputed story.

Definitions

Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Definitions Money

It'll be a cold day in January when that happens!

Mixed metaphors

He’s like a duck out of water.

Mixed metaphors

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.

Dating Men People Sex Women

I disagree with unanimity.

Beliefs Opinion