Author: Anonymous Page 11

“Emily has put on weight,” said Tom emphatically.

Tom Swifties

As long as that dog hunts, we’ll ride him,

Mixed metaphors

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re probably broke.

Emotions Love Money

A little pain never hurt anyone.

Miscellaneous

Newlywed: A man who puts up the storm windows the first time his wife suggests it.

Definitions Marriage

.. drawing the eye… like a magnet

Mixed metaphors

Death: To stop sinning suddenly.

Death Definitions

It was so cold… polar bears were buying fur coats.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

There is nothing so unbecoming on the beach as a wet kilt.

Appearance Clothing

The discovery of the preserved bodies “breathed new life into” Arctic exploration.

Mixed metaphors

They held a candlelight visual.

Malaprops

Small Town: A place where everybody knows the troubles you’ve seen.

Definitions Places

She's tall enough to go duck huntin' with a rake.

Appearance Body Expressions

Baby: An inhabitant of Lapland.

Children Definitions Family

“Sorry, what I said was a no-brainer?” asked Tom absentmindedly.

Tom Swifties

Book Jacket: A fable of contents.

Definitions

Patriotism: The willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons dreamed up by politicians.

Death Definitions

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Definitions Science/Weather

Bureaucrat: A Democrat who holds an office that a Republican wants.

Definitions Government Politicians

“By convention!” cussed Tom airily.

Tom Swifties

Brute Force: When your brain doesn’t work, just keep beating on the problem until one of you dies.

Definitions