Author: Anonymous Page 110

Men are like lawnmowers: they’re hard to get started, emit noxious odors and half the time they don’t work.

Men People

Never believe anything until it's been officially denied.

Beliefs Communication

Flashlight: A case for storing dead batteries.

Definitions Things

Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Definitions

Never judge a book by its title.

Mixed metaphors

“I have no underwear,” Tom said expansively.

Tom Swifties

Antiques: Furniture that is too old for poor folks but the right age for rich people.

Definitions Things

Forty: The most difficult age for a woman to pass; it often takes years.

Age Definitions

Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

Definitions

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Conflict Marriage War

He's not the brightest cookie in the lamp.

Mixed metaphors

Happier than a pig in slop

Emotions Expressions Happiness

Fortune teller: Séance fiction.

Definitions

“I pulled a hamstring,” said Tom limply.

Tom Swifties

Desertion: The poor man’s divorce.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Fettuccine Alfredo: Macaroni and cheese for adults.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink

Obesity: A surplus gone to waist.

Appearance Body Definitions Fat Wordplay

Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

“I told you not to ride that horse,” Tom nagged.

Tom Swifties

Claustrophobia: The fear of Santa Claus.

Definitions

“It’s not fair!” said Tom darkly.

Tom Swifties