Author: Anonymous Page 110

They downloaded the strength of the hurricane.

Malaprops

She tried to use reverse psychiatry on me.

Malaprops

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Alcohol Food/Drink

“I have to keep these eggs warm,” Tom said honestly.

Tom Swifties

“I visit my parents every Sunday,” said Tom weakly.

Tom Swifties

We heard the sea is infatuated with sharks.

Animals Malaprops

Chicken: An egg factory.

Animals Definitions

Loose lips sink like a rock.

Mixed metaphors

Accountant: Someone hired to explain that you didn’t make the money you did.

Definitions Occupations

The bigger the box, the bigger the things that won't fit in it.

Miscellaneous

Newlywed: What you and your spouse will officially be considered until your first anniversary, or until you go an entire week without sex (whichever comes first).

Definitions Marriage

In the nineteenth century, life was hard for Europe’s pheasants.

Malaprops People Poverty

Psychology: The care of the id by the odd.

Definitions Health Science/Weather

“This steamroller is amazing,” said Tom flatteringly.

Tom Swifties

Alcatraz: A pen with a lifetime guarantee.

Definitions Wordplay

It was so cold… we didn't clean the house – we just defrosted it.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Adolescents: People who never seem to realize that one day they will be as dumb as their parents.

Age Definitions

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.

Definitions

Harder’n baptizing a cat.

Expressions

If the hours are long enough and the pay is short enough, someone will say it's women's work.

Money People Women Work

Handicap: An allocation of strokes on one or more holes that permits two golfers of very different ability to do equally poorly on the same course.

Definitions Golf Sports