Author: Anonymous Page 110

But I don't have an intricate relationship with it.

Malaprops

“I’ve only enough carpet for the hall and landing,” said Tom with a blank stare.

Tom Swifties

Good Neighbor: A fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn’t climb it.

Definitions

“Everything in Texas is bigger,” he said in measured tones; “Even the cowboys,” he continued hoarsely.

Tom Swifties

Free Verse: Verse written without rhyme or reason.

Definitions Reading/Writing

Yankee: The same as a quickie, but you can do it by yourself.

Definitions

Alphabet: A toy for children found in books, blocks, pictures, and some soup.

Communication Definitions Language

He’s not only turning grey, he has a receiving hairline!

Malaprops

Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

People

Diaper: A changeable seat cover.

Definitions

Sabbatical: A Latin word meaning, “I quit, but you won’t know it for certain for a year.”

Definitions

I’ll get it by hook or ladder.

Mixed metaphors

A heart as big as gold

Mixed metaphors

I keep trying to lose weight… but it keeps finding me.

Appearance Body Fat

She is so fat… when she sits around the house, she sits around the house.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

I'm a nervous basket.

Mixed metaphors

Alimony: A system wherein two people make a mistake, and one of them keeps on paying for it.

Divorce Marriage

Conference: An organized way of postponing a decision.

Definitions

Spilt Milk: Udder waste.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

“Where’s my pants?” asked Tom briefly.

Tom Swifties

Window Shopping: Eye browsing.

Activities Definitions Shopping