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e-mail: An advertising medium which is misused for personal messaging.

Communication Definitions

Donuts: The only non-negotiable element to a successful meeting.

Definitions

There's many a pessimist who got that way by financing an optimist.

Characteristics Money

“Nay!” said Tom hoarsely.

Tom Swifties

Electric Eel: Fish that thrives in strong currents.

Animals Definitions

Bigamist: A man who makes the same mistake twice.

Definitions Marriage

Parking Meter: An automatic device that bets a dollar to your nickel that you can’t get back before the time runs out.

Definitions Things

You have to dance to a different drum.

Mixed metaphors

They live in a beautiful apartment overlooking their rent.

Money Situations Things

Maps: The shorthand of geography.

Definitions

It’s like watching wallpaper dry.

Mixed metaphors

Father’s Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Children Definitions Family Food/Drink

Don't do the crime if you can't get out the kitchen.

Mixed metaphors

Life is beautiful, then you die.

Mixed metaphors

“It’s twelve noon,” Tom chimed in.

Tom Swifties

“That city will never be rebuilt,” the prophets babble on.


Tom Swifties

Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Children Definitions Family

Many nations adopt a tit for tit policy.

Malaprops

Are you getting the jest of this?

Malaprops

Cat: A lap warmer with a built-in buzzer.

Animals Cats Definitions

Psychology: The science that tells you what you already know in words you can’t understand.

Definitions Science/Weather