Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 112
“I need an injection,” Tom pleaded in vain.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Business Forecaster: A person who is uncertain about the future and hazy about the present.
Anonymous
Definitions
Business Forecaster
I put the pro in procrastinate.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Procrastination
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
Anonymous
Husbands
Marriage
Racehorse: A barn athlete.
Anonymous
Animals
Definitions
Wordplay
Horses
Racehorse
You’re the sort of person Dr. Spooner would have called a shining wit!
Anonymous
Insults
Spoonerism
Whining shit
Election: When the air is full of speeches and vice versa
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Elections/Voting
Government
Speech
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Agreement
Compromise
Impossible: What nobody can do until somebody does it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Impossible
Possibilities
It's like locking the barn door after the nuts have bolted.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Fanatic: One who, having lost sight of his goal, redoubles his efforts.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Fanatics
Good Neighbor: One who doesn’t borrow his garden hose back too often.
Anonymous
Definitions
Good Neighbor
Budget: An orderly system of living beyond your means.
Anonymous
Definitions
Budget
You've gotta stick your neck out on a limb sometimes.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Dad says the monster is just a
pigment
of my imagination.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Figment
Imagination
Sinker: Lead weight attached to the end of a length of fishing line to facilitate the speedy disposal of unwanted lures.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Things
Fishing
Sinker
Butt: The body part that every item of clothing makes “look bigger.”
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Definitions
Butt
Babysitter: A teenager you pay $7 an hour to eat $20 worth of snacks.
Anonymous
Definitions
Babysitter
Diplomat: A person who thinks twice before saying nothing.
Anonymous
Definitions
Diplomat
Pun: A short quip followed by a long groan.
Anonymous
Definitions
Pun
“These propulsion systems were used by NASA on moon rockets,” said Tom apologetically.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
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