Author: Anonymous Page 112

Dirt: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

She is so ugly… when she walks into a haunted house, she came out with a paycheck.

Rattlesnake: Tattle tail.

He reads like a fish.

The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

I know who turned off the lights,” Tom hinted darkly.

Centimeter: A parking meter that takes pennies.

Teenagers: People who express a burning drive to be different by dressing alike.

He is so fat… his high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.

“I’m on the green,” Tom lied.

That's the whole kettle of fish in a nutshell.

She is so fat… she laid on the beach and people tried to push her back into the ocean.

Clarification: To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.

She is so stupid… when you said it was chilly outside she went and got a bowl.

“This food tastes of plutonium,” said Tom glowingly.

I turned a blind eye to all that bad stuff I was hearing.

Debt: A trap which a man sets and baits himself, and then deliberately gets into.

At twenty, we don’t care what the world thinks of us; at thirty, we worry about what it’s thinking of us; at forty, we discover it isn’t thinking about us at all.

No Exit: A sign indicating the most convenient way out of a building.

Consciousness: The annoying time between naps.

Caffeine: One of the four basic food groups.