Author: Anonymous Page 112

Angler: A man who spends rainy days sitting around on the muddy banks of rivers doing nothing because his wife won’t let him do it at home.

Activities Definitions

Choir: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync.

Definitions

Garage: Something usually built with a house attached.

Definitions

“I’m shocked,” said Tom electrically.

Tom Swifties

“That painting makes me laugh”, Tom articulated.

Tom Swifties

There are two theories to arguing with women… neither one works.

People Women

Politician: A fellow who borrows your pot in which to cook your goose.

Definitions Government Politicians

Adolescence is the best substitute ever invented for experience.

Age

Diamond: One of the hardest substances known to man – especially the payments on one.

Definitions Things

Don't bite the hand that lays the golden egg.

Mixed metaphors

Middle Age: That period when a man begins to shed his hair, his teeth, and his illusions.

Age Definitions

[a rock group’s] authenticity strikes a chord with fans.

Mixed metaphors

I'm shooting from the seat of my pants.

Mixed metaphors

Status Quo: Latin for “the mess we’re in.”

Definitions Problems

Toast: The only thing that can be eaten or drunk.

Definitions

Civilization: A process whereby one generation finds the questions to the previous generation’s answers.

Definitions

Birth Control: Evasion of the issue.

Definitions

Look what the cat dragged out of the bag.

Mixed metaphors

Minor Operation: One performed on someone else.

Definitions Health

Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.

Definitions Shopping

Advice: A commodity peddled by your lawyer and given away by your mother-in-law, but impossible to dispose of yourself. Famous as the one thing which it is “More blessed to give than receive.”

Definitions