Author: Anonymous Page 113

Fishing: A delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

Activities Definitions

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather

“Will you quit rustling around in my closet!” said Leif.

Tom Swifties

Make like a tree and head out.

Mixed metaphors

He's got a face like the north end of a south bound cow.

Appearance Expressions Ugly

They gave him a raw shake.

Mixed metaphors

Politician: A fellow who borrows your pot in which to cook your goose.

Definitions Government Politicians

We'll mend that fence when we get to it.

Mixed metaphors

Don't count your chickens until you see the whites of their eyes.

Mixed metaphors

A well-adjusted man is one who can play golf as if it were a game.

Golf Sports

If you can't fix it with duct tape you haven’t used enough.

Problems Situations

Imagination: What puts men in asylums unless they are crazy enough to put it down on paper or canvas.

Definitions

Historians: People who won’t let bygones be bygones.

Definitions History Occupations Time

It's always darkest before dawn… so if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Beliefs

Second Place: The first loser.

Definitions

Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad’s payroll – and on to his wife’s.

Definitions Education School

Are you getting the jest of this?

Malaprops

Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Activities

We’ll do this individually as a group.

Mixed metaphors

Adolescence: That period when children feel their parents should be told the facts of life.

Age Definitions

I thought she had persisted from corresponding with him.

Malaprops