Author: Anonymous Page 113

America: A land where a citizen will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, and won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.

America Definitions Places

Can a one-legged duck swim in a circle?

Expressions

Inflation: Being broke with a lot of money in your pocket.

Definitions Money

I am having an out-of-money experience.

Communication Wordplay

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Arms Situations Things

One way to get a real kick out of bridge is to sit opposite your wife.

Activities Games

Imagination: What puts men in asylums unless they are crazy enough to put it down on paper or canvas.

Definitions

“I’ve transferred my money back into a German bank account,” Tom remarked with interest.

Tom Swifties

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Definitions Marriage

Small Town: A place where everybody knows the troubles you’ve seen.

Definitions Places

Nervous as a hound pissing peach pits

Emotions Expressions

Originality: Undetected plagiarism.

Definitions

I am sorry to say that my affluence over my niece is very small.

Malaprops

I guess I threw a cog in the wrench.

Mixed metaphors

“I won’t play for this team any longer,” Tom decided.

Tom Swifties

“My giant sea creature died,” Tom wailed blubberingly.

Tom Swifties

Fore: A golf bawl.

Definitions Golf Sports

Middle Age: When your age starts to show around your middle the art of raising eyebrows instead of the roof. 

Age Definitions

Bum: A man-about-town.

Definitions

“My fellow Americans,” boomed Ronald Reagan, “I have just signed legislation to outlaw the state of Russia for ever…”

Tom Swifties

You have to walk before you can swim.

Mixed metaphors