Author: Anonymous Page 113

“I’ve only enough carpet for the hall and landing,” said Tom with a blank stare.

Tom Swifties

“OK, you can borrow it again,” Tom relented.

Tom Swifties

Crazier than a dog in a hubcap factory

Expressions

He is so stupid… he thought Johnny Cash was a pay toilet.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Adolescence: When a boy has reached the state when he knows why a strapless gown must be held up, but doesn’t understand how.

Age Definitions

No Exit: A sign indicating the most convenient way out of a building.

Definitions

Pickpocket: A man who believes that every crowd has a silver lining.

Crime Definitions

“The doctor had to remove my left ventricle,” said Tom half-heartedly.

Tom Swifties

Before I start speaking, I'd like to say something.

Misspokements Speech

Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Children Definitions Family

“Will you quit rustling around in my closet!” said Leif.

Tom Swifties

It's as American as killing two birds with one apple pie.

Mixed metaphors

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Situations

Laziness: The habit of resting before you get tired.

Characteristics Definitions

“I might as well be dead,” Tom croaked.

Tom Swifties

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Definitions Science/Weather Taxes

Untold Wealth: That which does not appear on income tax returns.

Definitions Government Money Taxes

Doctor: A man who suffers from good health.

Definitions Doctors

“Your tears simply do not affect me,” he observed dryly.

Tom Swifties

Let sleeping ducks lie.

Animals Dogs Malaprops

I.O.U.: A type of paper wait.

Definitions