Author: Anonymous Page 113

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Beliefs Communication

Executive: A man who talks to visitors so the other employees can get their work done.

Definitions Occupations Work

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Housework Work

He's grinning like a mule eating briars.

Appearance Emotions Expressions Happiness

But I don't have an intricate relationship with it.

Malaprops

Death is nature’s way of saying “Howdy.”

Death

He wuz smilin' like a rat eatin onions.

Miscellaneous

Procrastination: The art of keeping up with yesterday.

Definitions

Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.

Definitions Health

Quartet: Four men, all of whom think that the other three can’t sing.

Definitions Entertainment

If you know you don't know much, you are smarter than most people.

Intelligence

So short he has to stand on a box to kick a duck in the ass.

Appearance Body Expressions

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

Beliefs Sex

Fashion: Something that goes out of style as soon as most people have one.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Taxi Driver: Worker who earns a living by driving customers away.

Definitions Occupations

Post Operative: Letter carrier

Definitions

“I can see through the window,” said Tom stiltedly.

Tom Swifties

“I won’t buy a circuit breaker,” Tom refused.

Tom Swifties

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Conflict Marriage War

“The average frequency of my voice is 160 Hz,” said Tom in measured tones.

Tom Swifties

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

People Sex Women