Author: Anonymous Page 113

Innocent Bystander: A person so simple-minded he doesn’t know enough to get out of the way.

Definitions

Women: Can't live with 'em – can't live with 'em.

People Women

It's got lots of installation.

Appearance Clothing Malaprops

Borrower: A man who tries to live within your means.

Definitions

What comes around, is all around.

Malaprops

Vasectomy: Never having to say you’re sorry.

Definitions

Hook: Irritating but highly reliable device used to quickly locate the position of one’s thumb at the bottom of a tackle box.

Activities Definitions

A gentleman never swears at his wife when ladies are present.

Characteristics Men People

Marriage: The mourning after the knot before.

Definitions Marriage

Rattle some feathers.

Mixed metaphors

Jury: A body of twelve men selected to decide which of the contestants has the better lawyer.

Definitions Government Law Lawyers

Upgraded and Improved: Didn't work the second time.

Definitions Situations Things

“Who was in the sauna with you while I was at work today?” she asked hotly.

Tom Swifties

Honesty: The fear of being caught.

Characteristics Definitions

Well, that's a feather in your pocket.

Mixed metaphors

You can lead a gift horse to water but you can't look him in the mouth.

Mixed metaphors

The father of the bride should realize he isn’t losing a daughter but gaining a bathroom.

Family Marriage

“Who is this Tom Swifty character anyway?” asked Tom unselfconsciously.

Tom Swifties

Traffic Light: A little green light that changes to red as your car approaches.

Autos Definitions Things

Epigram: A half-truth so stated to irritate the person who believes the other half.

Definitions

“I’m going window shopping,” said Tom listlessly.

Tom Swifties