Author: Anonymous Page 114

What a messy house. How can they live in such squander.

Malaprops

Geologist: Fault finder.

Definitions Wordplay

A lot of good arguments are spoiled by some fool who knows what he’s talking about.

Intelligence

Puttering: Woman’s word for man’s work.

Definitions

If a job’s worth doing, make sure you delegate it to the right person.

Work

He’s a bad influenza on me.

Malaprops

This is really a jack of all trades and master of non.

Misspokements

Y Chromosome: The cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

Definitions Men

Kidney: A complex organ used to convert beer into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink

“Don’t add too much water,” said Tom with great concentration.

Tom Swifties

You must have ears like an eagle.

Mixed metaphors

A loose tongue spoils the broth.

Mixed metaphors

Mixed Company: What you are in when you think of a story you can’t tell there.

Definitions People

It was so cold… we had lunch at the "Greasy Spoon" – just for the heartburn.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Stroke-Of-Luck: Hole-in-One.

Definitions Golf Sports

Neurotic: A person who, when you ask how she is, tells you.

Definitions People

Woman: A creature whom God made beautiful that man might love her, and unreasonable that she might love man.

Definitions People

Diet: A brief period of starvation followed by a gain of five pounds.

Definitions Food/Drink

Poise: The act of raising the eyebrows instead of the roof.

Definitions

An argument is a question with two sides and no end.

Beliefs Communication

It's time to swallow the bullet.

Mixed metaphors