Author: Anonymous Page 114

Friend: Someone who thinks you’re a good egg even though you’re slightly cracked.

Definitions Friends People

At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people – you are obnoxious in a different and worse way!

Characteristics People

Everyone has the right to be stupid but you’re abusing the priviledge.

Insults Intelligence

Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

Definitions

We're robbing Peter to pay the piper.

Mixed metaphors

Clever Woman: One who knows how to give a man her own way.

Definitions

“I must be on a visit”, Tom guessed.

Tom Swifties

The coffee has burned my face! I'm going to be distorted!

Appearance Malaprops

Chicken: An egg's way of making more eggs.

Animals

Ornery as an old pine knot

Expressions

“Who was in the sauna with you while I was at work today?” she asked hotly.

Tom Swifties

“You’re busted!” said the policeman to Miss Parton.

Tom Swifties

You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince.

Dating Relationships Situations

The history of the aquatics center shows… that the games’ organizers seem to be willing to spend money like water.

Mixed metaphors

He couldn’t grow pole beans in a pile of horse shit.

Expressions Fools Intelligence Stupidity

Marching to the beat of a dead horse

Mixed metaphors

Accomplice: One who lacks brains as well as honesty.

Definitions

An ideal mind is the devil's playground.

Misspokements

Optimist: A middle-aged man who believes that the cleaners have been shrinking the waistband of his pants.

Body Characteristics Definitions People

Worry: Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.

Definitions Emotions

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Characteristics