Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 114
Perfume: What a woman hopes will make her the scenter of attention.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wordplay
Perfume
“I have lost all my Hungarian sheet music,” said Tom listlessly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Our ship was caught in a
typhoid.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Typhoon
Old Age: When you find yourself using one bend-over to pick up two things.
Anonymous
Age
Definitions
Old
He is so fat… he's on
both
sides of the family.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Exaggerations
Fat
A fool and his money is a friend indeed.
Anonymous
Fools
Friends
Intelligence
Money
People
Troops: Expendable bodies sent by the government to stop bullets during obscure foreign uprisings.
Anonymous
Definitions
Military
Troops
Automation takes more people to correct the mistakes.
Anonymous
Mistakes
Problems
Automation
Taking over the
reigns
of leadership.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Reins
Business Forecaster: A person who is uncertain about the future and hazy about the present.
Anonymous
Definitions
Business Forecaster
I put the pro in procrastinate.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Procrastination
“Let’s take a vacation in the south of France,” said Tom nicely.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Doctor: Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.
Anonymous
Definitions
Doctors
Health
My girlfriend says that she thinks her husband is the world’s greatest lover, but she hasn’t been able to catch him at it!
Anonymous
Marriage
Sex
The rain was coming down in droves!
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Science/Weather
Rain
“I’m the butcher’s assistant,” said Tom cuttingly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Keep your
eye
to the grindstone.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Nose
We have to get all our ducks on the same page.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
He’s so mean, he’d bite himself.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Expressions
Bad
Mean
“No, I won’t give you a note saying you’re excused,” said Tom unwaveringly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Electrocardiograph: Ticker tape.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wordplay
Electrocardiograph
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