Author: Anonymous Page 114

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Beliefs Opinion

“Emily has put on weight,” said Tom emphatically.

Tom Swifties

Juvenile Delinquents: Other people’s children.

Definitions

Consultant: Someone who knows 101 ways to make love, but can’t get a date.

Definitions

Free Verse: Verse written without rhyme or reason.

Definitions Reading/Writing

There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.

Beliefs Proverbs

Bride: A gal who puts her foot down as soon as her new husband has carried her over the threshold.

Definitions Marriage Wives

Government Bureau: Where the taxpayer’s shirt is kept.

Definitions Government Taxes

There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.

Problems

“I’ve been having an incontinence problem,” Tom gushed.

Tom Swifties

Idiot: A man who sees your point in an argument but refuses to see your way.

Definitions Intelligence

Communism: Liberation of the people from the burdens of liberty.

Definitions Government

Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan.

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Success

The world is full of apathy, but I don't care.

Beliefs Opinion

Adage: To become older.

Definitions

“That little devil didn’t tell the truth,” Tom implied.

Tom Swifties

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Marriage

Budget: A method of worrying before you spend, instead of afterward.

Definitions

I thought she had persisted from corresponding with him.

Malaprops

Make money and the whole nation will conspire to call you a gentleman.

Characteristics Money

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's too late to close the barn door.

Mixed metaphors