Author: Anonymous Page 114

Virtue: Lack of opportunity.

Characteristics Definitions

“My cat George is my dearest friend,” Tabitha purred.

Tom Swifties

You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape; if it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40, if it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.

Things

The world is your lobster.

Mixed metaphors

“I caught two hares”, said Tom abrasively.

Tom Swifties

You could have knocked me over with a fender.

Mixed metaphors

Abash: A high school graduation party.

Definitions

Don't stand behind a coughing cow.

Miscellaneous Proverbs

One way to get a real kick out of bridge is to sit opposite your wife.

Activities Games

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Divorce Marriage

Oar: Clumsy wooden implement used to moisten boat occupants.

Definitions Things

“I’m falling into a void,” said Tom flawlessly.

Tom Swifties

Wood fires help fuel climate change.

Mixed metaphors

Automobile: A payment plan on wheels.

Autos Definitions Things

Casserole: A method used by ingenious cooks to get rid of leftovers.

Definitions Food/Drink

“Let’s eat kosher tonight,” said Tom judiciously.

Tom Swifties

He’s so lazy, he’d marry a pregnant woman.

Characteristics Expressions

The bigger the mouth, the better it looks shut.

Communication Speech

Bachelor: One who treats all women as sequels.

Definitions

Depression: A period during which we have to get along without the things our grandparents never dreamed of.

Definitions Money Past Time

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun.

America Arms Conflict People Places