Author: Anonymous Page 114

Perfume: What a woman hopes will make her the scenter of attention.

Definitions Wordplay

“I have lost all my Hungarian sheet music,” said Tom listlessly.

Tom Swifties

Our ship was caught in a typhoid.

Malaprops

Old Age: When you find yourself using one bend-over to pick up two things.

Age Definitions Old

He is so fat… he's on both sides of the family.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

A fool and his money is a friend indeed.

Fools Friends Intelligence Money People

Troops: Expendable bodies sent by the government to stop bullets during obscure foreign uprisings.

Definitions Military

Automation takes more people to correct the mistakes.

Mistakes Problems

Taking over the reigns of leadership.

Malaprops

Business Forecaster: A person who is uncertain about the future and hazy about the present.

Definitions

I put the pro in procrastinate.

Characteristics

“Let’s take a vacation in the south of France,” said Tom nicely.

Tom Swifties

Doctor: Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.

Definitions Doctors Health

My girlfriend says that she thinks her husband is the world’s greatest lover, but she hasn’t been able to catch him at it!

Marriage Sex

The rain was coming down in droves!

Mixed metaphors Science/Weather

“I’m the butcher’s assistant,” said Tom cuttingly.

Tom Swifties

Keep your eye to the grindstone.

Malaprops

We have to get all our ducks on the same page.

Mixed metaphors

He’s so mean, he’d bite himself.

Characteristics Expressions

“No, I won’t give you a note saying you’re excused,” said Tom unwaveringly.

Tom Swifties

Electrocardiograph: Ticker tape.

Definitions Wordplay