Author: Anonymous Page 115

This will help us to know that we are covering all of the gamuts.

Mixed metaphors

World: A place that was built in six days – and looks it.

Definitions Places World

His ears are so big… he heard the sun come up.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

She’s so stupid… if you give her a penny for her thoughts, you'll get change back.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

“Whenever I put on my scuba gear, I get pins and needles,” said Tom divertingly.

Tom Swifties

Just when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, the roof caves in!

Situations

She is so short… you can see her feet on her driver's license picture.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

His nose is so big… he has to lift it to eat.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

He was married to an acrobat, but she caught him in the act.

Communication Wordplay

I used to be indecisive… but I'm not sure.

Characteristics

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Divorce Marriage

Taxidermist: A man who mounts animals.

Animals Definitions Occupations

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.

Situations Time

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather

It is so hot… by the time I got home from buying eggs, I had twelve chicks in the bag.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Walking with your head between your legs.

Mixed metaphors

“I pulled a hamstring,” said Tom limply.

Tom Swifties

Baby: Nine months interest on a small deposit.

Children Definitions Family

Umbrella: A movable roof.

Definitions Things

The real estate agent can give you all the perpendiculars of this listing.

Malaprops

“Eating uranium makes me feel funny,” said Tom radiantly.

Tom Swifties