Author: Anonymous Page 116

A communist is one who has nothing and wishes to share it with the world.

Government People

Consultant: Someone who borrows your watch then tells you what time it is.

Definitions

He swept the rug under the carpet.

Mixed metaphors

Birthday: Anniversary of one’s birth, observed only by men and children.

Age Definitions

The future of the church depends on passing the torch to the next generation.

Mixed metaphors

I wouldn’t be caught dead there with a ten-foot pole.

Mixed metaphors

Streams of pilgrims, old and young… flood towards the river to worship.

Mixed metaphors

If he fell into a pile of horse shit, he’d start looking for a pony.

Characteristics Expressions

Husband: One who stands by you in troubles you wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t married him.

Definitions Marriage

Marriages are made in heaven, maybe that’s why so many atheists fool around.

Marriage

Never let a child wearing Superman pajamas sleep on the top bunk.

Children Family

Accident: A thing that is caused by people, but often causes people.

Accidents Definitions Problems

Life is a box of cherries.

Mixed metaphors

The shit’s gonna hit the stick.

Mixed metaphors

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Definitions Marriage

Wig: A convertible top.

Appearance Definitions Hair

Inch: Unit of measure whose length is consistently underestimated by men.

Definitions

Agent: Someone who believes an actor takes 85 percent of his money.

Acting Definitions Entertainment

It is so dry… I caught a catfish that had ticks on him.

Exaggerations Science/Weather

Agnostic: A person who says that he knows nothing about God and, when you agree with him, he becomes angry.

Beliefs Definitions God

Quartet: Four men, all of whom think that the other three can’t sing.

Definitions Entertainment