Author: Anonymous Page 116

Specialist: A man who knows more and more about less and less.

Definitions

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Autos Science/Weather Situations Things

Disinheritance: Heir cut.

Definitions

“I will now demonstrate how to dissect a sheep,” delivered Tom.

Tom Swifties

“I shall see to it well in advance,” said Tom tenderly.

Tom Swifties

Democracy is three wolves and a sheep voting on what’s for lunch.

Democracy Government

Is this a whole nother bucket of worms?

Mixed metaphors

A circle is a line of no depth running round a point forever.

Science/Weather

He smokes like a fish.

Mixed metaphors

Ambassador: An honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.

Definitions

He experienced some rectal breeding.

Malaprops

They try to balance a fine line.

Mixed metaphors

It was so cold… pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets to keep warm.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

 “Your Honor, you’re crazy!” said Tom judgmentally.

Tom Swifties

You have to dance to a different drum.

Mixed metaphors

Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.

Insults Intelligence

I'm not the kind of person who wears his heart up his sleeve.

Malaprops

An economic forecaster is like a cross-eyed javelin thrower: they don’t win many accuracy contests, but they keep the crowd’s attention.

People

Stuff tends to break when it is loaned or borrowed.

Accidents Problems Things

“I teach economics at the university,” Tom professed.

Tom Swifties

Diplomat: A person who thinks twice before saying nothing.

Definitions