Author: Anonymous Page 116

It's so flat you can look down the road and see the back of your head!

Expressions Places

Nothing makes a fish bigger than almost being caught.

Activities Honesty Lies

An allowance is what you pay your children to live with you.

Children Definitions Family

Bride: A gal who puts her foot down as soon as her new husband has carried her over the threshold.

Definitions Marriage Wives

“Don’t call me a oddball,” Tom replied evenly.

Tom Swifties

“Where shall I plant these water lilies?” Tom pondered.

Tom Swifties

Farm: What a city man dreams of at 5 p.m…. never at 5 a.m.

Definitions

Anatomy: A class that sounds vaguely risqué until you find out what it really involves.

Body Definitions Education School

People will blow smoke and mirrors at you.

Mixed metaphors

If worse comes to shove

Mixed metaphors

He’d gripe with a ham under each arm.

Expressions

Dieting: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

Definitions Food/Drink

Creativity: The sudden cessation of stupidity.

Definitions Intelligence

Birth Control: Evasion of the issue.

Definitions

“Let’s sort this out,” Tom ordered.

Tom Swifties

Acting is pretending, and the most difficult part is pretending you’re eating regularly.

Acting Eating Entertainment Food/Drink Occupations

Troops: Expendable bodies sent by the government to stop bullets during obscure foreign uprisings.

Definitions Military

I'm sweating like a bullet.

Mixed metaphors

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Food/Drink

Bum: A man-about-town.

Definitions

Money is the roof of all evil.

Malaprops