Author: Anonymous Page 116

Dating: An elaborate prelude to mating that fulfills much the same function as the sniffing ritual in dogs, but without its forthright honesty.

Dating Definitions Relationships

“Emily has put on weight,” said Tom emphatically.

Tom Swifties

There's a pot of gold at the end of the tunnel.

Mixed metaphors

“Yes, we have no bananas,” Tom said fruitlessly.

Tom Swifties

Television Programming: Material that fills the time between commercials.

Definitions Entertainment

Death: To stop sinning suddenly.

Death Definitions

She’s so big, it takes two men and a boy just to look at her.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

Statistician: One who knows which numbers to use in any eventuality.

Definitions Occupations

Ability: What you have to get by on if you don’t kiss-up to the boss.

Definitions

Let’s start at square zero.

Mixed metaphors

Those people all corregated over there.

Malaprops

Virtue: Insufficient temptation.

Characteristics Definitions

These felled trees are the beavers’ handiwork!

Mixed metaphors

Don't stand behind a coughing cow.

Miscellaneous Proverbs

Narcissist: Psychoanalytic term for the person who loves himself more than his analyst.

Definitions People Self

You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape; if it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40, if it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.

Things

Even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then.

Miscellaneous

Did you watch the space shovel take off?

Malaprops

Run it up the flag pole and see what sticks.

Mixed metaphors

A horse divided against itself cannot stand.

Malaprops

Crash courses for driver’s learner permits.

Mixed metaphors