Author: Anonymous Page 117

Philosophy: Common sense in a dress suit.

Definitions Intelligence Wisdom

Smilin’ like a goat in a briarpatch

Appearance Expressions

“I’m burning aromatic substances,” said Tom, incensed.

Tom Swifties

Rugby: A game played by gentlemen with odd-shaped balls.

Definitions Sports

We're robbing Peter to pay the piper.

Mixed metaphors

“I lost my trousers,” said Tom expansively.

Tom Swifties

Sterilize: What you do to your baby’s first pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it on your shirt.

Definitions Family

You dug your bed, you lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

Siamese Twins: First person plural.

Definitions People

“I wonder if there’s a number between seven and nine,” said Tom considerately.

Tom Swifties

Bulletin: Your receipt for attending church services.

Definitions

Looks like he’s been sortin’ wildcats.

Appearance Expressions

Sarcasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it.

Communication Definitions

An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies of a dozen naked women to get to a bottle of stout.

Alcohol Food/Drink People

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Marriage

So windy he could blow up an onion sack.

Communication Exaggerations Expressions Speech

A falling nozzle will turn toward you and land on its trigger.

Problems Things

Congress: A body of men brought together to slow down the government.

Congress Definitions Government

“I brush my teeth several times a day,” said Tom implacably.

Tom Swifties

Inch: Unit of measure whose length is consistently underestimated by men.

Definitions

America: A nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but can think of nothing to do when it gets there.

America Definitions Places