Author: Anonymous Page 117

Prejudiced people are all alike.

Characteristics People

Around here, it's always feast or phantom.

Malaprops

Umbilical Cord: Baby bungee.

Definitions

Diet: Something you keep putting off while you keep putting on.

Definitions Food/Drink

Female: One who believes if you charge it, it’s not spending, and if you add a cherry to it, it’s not intoxicating.

Definitions People

Zircon: A diamond falsie.

Definitions

Clearly we’ve opened a Pandora’s box of worms here.

Mixed metaphors

Agent: Someone who believes an actor takes 85 percent of his money.

Acting Definitions Entertainment

“Why do I have to strip naked again?” asked Tom rebuffingly.

Tom Swifties

Adolescents: People who never seem to realize that one day they will be as dumb as their parents.

Age Definitions

Psychiatrist: A head coach.

Definitions Doctors Health

Tabloid: A screamlined newspaper.

Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

It is so hot… the trees are whistling for the dogs.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

“I told you not to ride that horse,” Tom nagged.

Tom Swifties

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Definitions Marriage

“Damn it, look at the camera!” Tom snapped.

Tom Swifties

He doesn’t have much of a reputation or so I’ve heard.

Beliefs Opinion

Nymphomania: A disease where the patient enjoys being bedridden.

Definitions Sex

She raped him in a blanket.

Malaprops Situations

This is the problem we are wringing our hair over.

Mixed metaphors

Fishing: A venerable contest in which modern man pits his intelligence and technology against the native wit of primitive aquatic vertebrates, and generally finishes second.

Activities Definitions