Author: Anonymous Page 117

“Give me some Chinese food”, said Tom wantonly.

Tom Swifties

“Consult an investment broker,” was Tom’s stock answer.

Tom Swifties

Thanks: A down payment on the next favor.

Definitions

Slogan: A good old American substitute for the facts.

Definitions

If your time ain't come, not even a doctor can kill you.

Death Doctors Health Life Situations

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

Definitions Doctors Occupations

Armor: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

Clothing Definitions

I wouldn’t eat that with a ten-foot pole.

Mixed metaphors

Accordionated: Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

Definitions Wordplay

Loved Ben, hated Hur.

Reviews/Criticism

“Once again, I read it on Wikipedia,” Tom recited.

Tom Swifties

Don't count all your eggs in one basket.

Mixed metaphors

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Computers Definitions Things

Business Forecaster: A person who is uncertain about the future and hazy about the present.

Definitions

You can take that to the bank and smoke it.

Mixed metaphors

Epigram: A half-truth so stated to irritate the person who believes the other half.

Definitions

Vacation: A period during which people find out where to stay away from next year.

Definitions

Group Therapy: A drama-in-the-round staged for the entertainment of a professional therapist, who commands the players to put on a new show each week and charges them for the privilege.

Definitions

“Life isn’t fair,” said Tom darkly.

Tom Swifties

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

Death

Bad spellers of the world, untie!

Communication Language