Author: Anonymous Page 117

“I only have diamonds, clubs and spades,” said Tom heartlessly.

Tom Swifties

“We’re off to Scotland,” said Tom clandestinely.

Tom Swifties

“What’s the value of a dollar bill?” asked Tom noteworthily.

Tom Swifties

Communist: A fellow who will gladly divide his hunger and thirst with you if you’ll divide your beer and salami with him.

Definitions

Let's do this in one foul sweep.

Malaprops

Famous Last Words: “This is easy.”

Death Definitions

Teenagers: People who get hungry again before the dishes are even washed.

Age Definitions

“Who discovered radium?” asked Tom curiously.

Tom Swifties

“I’ve still got two fingers left,” said Tom handsomely.

Tom Swifties

“I might as well be dead,” Tom croaked.

Tom Swifties

He's really low dog on the totem pole.

Mixed metaphors

Make like a tree and head out.

Mixed metaphors

Do not argue with an idiot; he/she will drag you down to his/her level and beat you with experience.

Fools Intelligence People

Black Eye: A stamp of disapproval.

Definitions

“My friend and I steal things together,” Tom corroborated.

Tom Swifties

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Beliefs Religion Sex

We all act as one heartbeat.

Mixed metaphors

She may want to tackle that battle.

Mixed metaphors

The real estate agent can give you all the perpendiculars of this listing.

Malaprops

“Oops! There goes my hat!” said Tom off the top of his head.

Tom Swifties

“Is it true that some animals will eat their own babies?” asked Tom literately.

Tom Swifties