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Chef: Any cook who swears in French.

Definitions Occupations

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar.

Autos Definitions Things

He is so old… when he was in school they didn’t teach history!

Age Education Exaggerations Old School

Director: The one who always faces the music.

Definitions Music

Retirement means twice as much husband on half as much money.

Marriage Money Wives Work

“Our local clergyman has a toothache,” said Tom vicariously.

Tom Swifties

Saint: A dead sinner, revised and edited.

Definitions People

College: A four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.

Definitions Education School

I won’t miss it one aorta!

Malaprops

Running around like children with their heads cut off

Mixed metaphors

You buttered your bread, now sleep in it!

Mixed metaphors

Window Shopping: Eye browsing.

Activities Definitions Shopping

The whole can of wax

Mixed metaphors

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Definitions

The world is full of apathy, but I don't care.

Beliefs Opinion

We're like two peas in a pot.

Malaprops Situations

Housewarming: The last call for wedding presents.

Definitions

Faster than a dog's tail in a meat market.

Expressions Time

That's putting the chicken before the cart.

Mixed metaphors

Grocery list: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Activities Definitions Shopping

We heard the ocean is infatuated with sharks.

Malaprops