Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 118
Punctuality: The art of guessing correctly how late the other party is going to be.
Anonymous
Definitions
Time
Punctuality
Doughnut: Holey food.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Doughnut
Awe: Wow of silence.
Anonymous
Definitions
Awe
Those people all
corregated
over there.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Congregated
The acrobats are performing
freaks
at the circus.
Anonymous
Entertainment
Malaprops
Circus
Feats
Fishing License: Permit issued upon payment of a modest fee that allows fishermen to lose lures in a specified area.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Fishing License
He’s still green behind the ears.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
When you boil it down to its nuts and bolts
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Bridge is the only game that bruises more shins than hockey.
Anonymous
Activities
Games
Bridge
Cards
Candidate: A person who asks for money from the wealthy and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.
Anonymous
Definitions
Elections/Voting
Government
Candidate
Accordion: A bagpipe with pleats.
Anonymous
Things
Accordions
“Are you homosexual?” Tom queried gaily.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Artificial Insemination: Impregnation without representation and procreation without recreation.
Anonymous
Definitions
Artificial Insemination
Gentleman Farmer: One who has more hay in the bank thank in the barn.
Anonymous
Definitions
Gentleman Farmer
It dawned across my head.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Neighbors
“Can I become a chorister?” Tom inquired.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Choir
The most important decision is that of
excepting
Jesus in your life.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Accepting
“Pass me the shellfish,” said Tom crabbily.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“I’ve got sand in my dinner,” said Tom grittily.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Agnostic: A person who says that he knows nothing about God and, when you agree with him, he becomes angry.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Definitions
God
Agnostic
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