Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 118
“I work at a bank,” said Tom tellingly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
A liberal’s generosity is only limited by your income.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Government
Liberals
A missionary is a person who teaches cannibals to say grace before they him.
Anonymous
People
Cannibals
Missionary
Heckler: A guy who ribs you the wrong way.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wordplay
Heckler
History: The version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.
Anonymous
Definitions
History
Time
Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.
Anonymous
Definitions
Politeness
“I wrote the book on that subject”, said Tom authoritatively.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
I'd walk a mile in a camel's shoes to pass through the eye of a needle.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“I am so one of the seven dwarfs!” he said grumpily.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Wig: A convertible top.
Anonymous
Appearance
Definitions
Hair
Wig
“Now no-one can detect my halitosis,” said Tom breathlessly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
She really stuck her neck out on a limb.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Politician: A fellow who borrows your pot in which to cook your goose.
Anonymous
Definitions
Government
Politicians
Forger: A man who is always ready to write a wrong.
Anonymous
Definitions
Forger
“I really like hot dogs,” he said with relish.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Adolescence is the best substitute ever invented for experience.
Anonymous
Age
Adolescence
Experience
As proud as pea soup.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Pride
When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Intelligence
Competence
Neatness
“Some of my windows were broken in the storm,” he said, pained.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
A well-adjusted man is one who can play golf as if it were a game.
Anonymous
Golf
Sports
The titles are listed on the movie theater marquis.
Anonymous
Entertainment
Malaprops
Marquee
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