Author: Anonymous Page 118

Punctuality: The art of guessing correctly how late the other party is going to be.

Definitions Time

Doughnut: Holey food.

Definitions Food/Drink

Awe: Wow of silence.

Definitions

Those people all corregated over there.

Malaprops

The acrobats are performing freaks at the circus.

Entertainment Malaprops

Fishing License: Permit issued upon payment of a modest fee that allows fishermen to lose lures in a specified area.

Activities Definitions

He’s still green behind the ears.

Mixed metaphors

When you boil it down to its nuts and bolts

Mixed metaphors

Bridge is the only game that bruises more shins than hockey.

Activities Games

Candidate: A person who asks for money from the wealthy and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Accordion: A bagpipe with pleats.

Things

“Are you homosexual?” Tom queried gaily.

Tom Swifties

Artificial Insemination: Impregnation without representation and procreation without recreation.

Definitions

Gentleman Farmer: One who has more hay in the bank thank in the barn.

Definitions

It dawned across my head.

Mixed metaphors

Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.

Definitions People

“Can I become a chorister?” Tom inquired.

Tom Swifties

The most important decision is that of excepting Jesus in your life.

Malaprops

“Pass me the shellfish,” said Tom crabbily.

Tom Swifties

“I’ve got sand in my dinner,” said Tom grittily.

Tom Swifties

Agnostic: A person who says that he knows nothing about God and, when you agree with him, he becomes angry.

Beliefs Definitions God