Author: Anonymous Page 118

Caffeine: One of the four basic food groups.

Definitions Food/Drink

“I admire East End gangsters,” said Tom crazily.

Tom Swifties

“Well, I got here with five minutes to spare,” said Tom bitterly.

Tom Swifties

It is so hot… the trees are whistling for the dogs.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Bridge is a friendly game invented by two married couples who disliked each other.

Activities Games

Economists are still trying to figure out why the girls with the least principle draw the most interest.

Girls People Wordplay

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Divorce Marriage

“Someday I’ll run the CIA,” said Tom aspiringly.

Tom Swifties

Bridegroom: A man who is amazed at the outcome of what he thought was a harmless little flirtation.

Definitions

Apple: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.

Definitions Food/Drink

Cravings: An excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.

Definitions

“These bit patterns will be more readable in groups of 8,” said Tom bitingly.

Tom Swifties

Marriage: The mourning after the knot before.

Definitions Marriage

“That little devil didn’t tell the truth,” Tom implied.

Tom Swifties

… having too much collateral in your blood.

Health Malaprops

Mixed Company: What you are in when you think of a story you can’t tell there.

Definitions People

“I’m going to lie in the sun,” said Tom in Basque.

Tom Swifties

Rummage Sale: Where you buy stuff from somebody else’s attic to store in your own.

Activities Definitions Shopping Things

Manicurist: A girl who makes money hand over fist.

Definitions Occupations Work

Antipathy: The sentiment inspired by one’s friend’s friend.

Definitions

Diplomacy: The ability to take something and make the other fellow believe he is giving it away.

Definitions