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Historians: People who won’t let bygones be bygones.

Definitions History Occupations Time

“Congratulations; you graduated,” said Tom diplomatically.

Tom Swifties

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Animals Definitions Eating Food/Drink

Paradox: Two physicians.

Definitions Doctors Wordplay

American Language: English run over by a musical comedy.

Communication Definitions

She’s so stupid… if you give her a penny for her thoughts, you'll get change back.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Incest is relatively boring.

Family Sex Wordplay

Sabbatical: A Latin word meaning, “I quit, but you won’t know it for certain for a year.”

Definitions

Borrow money from pessimists; they don't expect it back.

Characteristics Money

Consultant: Someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Definitions

Disinheritance: Heir cut.

Definitions

She’s not the toughest cookie on the block.

Mixed metaphors

Military Expert: One who tells you what’s going to happen tomorrow – then tells you why it didn’t.

Definitions Government Military

Insanity: Grounds for divorce in some states; grounds for marriage in all

Definitions Marriage

“Let’s take a vacation in the south of France,” said Tom nicely.

Tom Swifties

Fishing License: Permit issued upon payment of a modest fee that allows fishermen to lose lures in a specified area.

Activities Definitions

Gluttony: A sign something is eating us.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink

“I’ve joined the Airborne Medical Corps,” said Tom paradoxically.

Tom Swifties

The titles are listed on the movie theater marquis.

Entertainment Malaprops

A gentleman never swears at his wife when ladies are present.

Characteristics Men People

Eunuch: One who is cut off from temptation.

Body Definitions