Author: Anonymous Page 118

I keep trying to lose weight… but it keeps finding me.

Appearance Body Fat

Window: A looking-out glass.

Definitions Things

Siamese Twins: First person plural.

Definitions People

“Take tea and see,” said Tom briskly.

Tom Swifties

Conscience gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet.

Characteristics

Nothing is so fallacious as facts, except figures.

Beliefs Facts

Kill two cats with one bag.

Mixed metaphors

“Rasputin and I are lovers,” said Nicholas bizarrely.

Tom Swifties

You look like you have been drug through a knot hole backwards.

Appearance Expressions

Budget: An attempt to live below your yearnings.

Definitions

One hundred degrees better

Mixed metaphors

Altar: To change through marriage.

Definitions Marriage

Have no delusions about the past.

Malaprops

We'll be there until the fat lady freezes over.

Mixed metaphors

She looked at me like a cow looking at a new gate.

Appearance Characteristics Expressions Intelligence

She is so thin… she doesn’t cast a shadow.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

Don’t cast swine before bears.

Mixed metaphors

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

Characteristics Men People Women

Yawn: It’s always dullest just before the yawn.

Definitions Wordplay

Adolescent: One who is well informed about anything he doesn’t have to study.

Definitions

The only difference between a “hair stylist” and a regular barber is the price.

Occupations Work