Author: Anonymous Page 118

“I’m being sent down to the minors,” said Tom beleagueredly.

Tom Swifties

When your head is in the bear's mouth, it is not the time to be smacking him on the nose.

Communication Problems

Union: A dues-paying club workers wield to strike management.

Definitions Work

Make no delusions about the past!

Malaprops

Bigamy is the only crime on the books where two rites make a wrong.

Marriage

Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

Definitions

“I find you guilty,” said the judge with conviction.

Tom Swifties

Foosball: A combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

Activities Definitions

Hallucination: A belief owned exclusively by one person.

Definitions

Democracy: A system whereby the person who never votes can cuss out the man the other people elected.

Definitions Democracy Elections/Voting Government

Banging on their chests with a primeval scream.

Malaprops

Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.

Computers Definitions Things

Reformer: One who wants his conscience to be your guide.

Definitions

“He’s a boring chap,” said Tom indulgently.

Tom Swifties

He’d gripe with a ham under each arm.

Expressions

Alarm Clock: That which scares the daylight out of you.

Definitions Wordplay

Boss: A person who comes early to see who comes late.

Definitions Work

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it.

Animals Definitions Food/Drink

“The door’s ajar,” said Tom openly.

Tom Swifties

Many nations adopt a tit for tit policy.

Malaprops

The sacred cows have come home to roost with a vengeance.

Mixed metaphors