Author: Anonymous Page 119

Connoisseur: One who attains an obsessive knowledge of wines, audio equipment, cats or French cheeses so as to confer a sense of inadequacy on those who would simply enjoy them.

Definitions

Education: A technique employed to open minds so that they may go from cocksure ignorance to thoughtful uncertainty.

Definitions Education

So short he has to stand on a box to kick a duck in the ass.

Appearance Body Expressions

Prejudiced people are all alike.

Characteristics People

People were streaming out of town to escape the floods.

Mixed metaphors

Business: Something which, if you don’t have any, you go out of.

Definitions

I'm going to the store to buy a soup latrine.

Malaprops

Dictator: One who thinks he can take it – no matter to whom it belongs.

Definitions

Idle hands are the mother of invention.

Mixed metaphors

Electrician: A person who wires for money.

Definitions Occupations Work

Golf is not a game, it’s bondage; it was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.

Golf Sports

Freudian Slip: When you say one thing but mean your mother.

Communication Definitions

Parents are embarrassed when their children tell lies, and even more embarrassed when they tell the truth.

Children Communication Family Honesty Lies Speech Truth

You need more sugar to get your brain circulating.

Mixed metaphors

“I’ve struck oil!” said Tom crudely.

Tom Swifties

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

Murphy’s Laws

Cloud: What’s in front of every silver lining.

Definitions

Dilemma: A politician trying to save both his faces at once.

Definitions Politicians Problems

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Beliefs Opinion

X Chromosome: a genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs.

Definitions Men People

Take Home Pay: An amount of money which is called that because it is never big enough to go anywhere else with it.

Definitions Money