Author: Anonymous Page 119

It looks like the cows have come home to roost.

Mixed metaphors

Before I start speaking, I'd like to say something.

Misspokements Speech

Traffic Light: A little green light that changes to red as your car approaches.

Autos Definitions Things

They were living high on the cob.

Life Malaprops Money

Behold, this very day, I have interceded another letter from the fellow.

Malaprops

Arthritis: Twinges in the hinges.

Definitions Health

Coaching: Eliminating mistakes before you get fired.

Definitions

Upper Crust: People stuck together by their dough.

Definitions Money People

Flatterer: One who says things to your face that he wouldn’t say behind your back.

Definitions

Apathy: Vigor mortis.

Definitions

Make no delusions about the past!

Malaprops

Percussive Maintenance: Striking a recalcitrant piece of electronic hardware in order to facilitate a successful reboot, and repeating as necessary.

Definitions Failure Problems Things

What a terrible cat's after me!

Malaprops

Cut the biblical cord.

Malaprops

Matrimony: A knot tied by a preacher and untied by a lawyer.

Definitions Marriage

Mission Statement: A long, awkward sentence that demonstrates management’s inability to think clearly.

Definitions

“I’ve transferred my money back into a German bank account,” Tom remarked with interest.

Tom Swifties

Roulette: A wheel that seldom takes a turn for the bettor.

Activities Definitions Games

Good Neighbor: A fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn’t climb it.

Definitions

Desire: The thing that is so often nipped in the budget.

Definitions Emotions

Kinky is using a feather; perverted is using the whole chicken.

Sex