Author: Anonymous Page 119

Experience: What causes a person to make new mistakes instead of the same old ones.

Definitions Mistakes

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

Situations

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

Academy Awards: A place where everyone lets off esteem.

Definitions

Cut the biblical cord.

Malaprops

“Don’t add too much water,” said Tom with great concentration.

Tom Swifties

“I’m halfway up a mountain,” Tom alleged.

Tom Swifties

A liberal’s generosity is only limited by your income.

Beliefs Government

The bottom line boils down to…

Mixed metaphors

Venereal Disease: Germs of endearment.

Definitions Health

Bachelor: One who treats all women as sequels.

Definitions

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Time

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.

Golf Sports

The notion that space was empty, there was no stuff there, was something the mind finds it very difficult to get its head round, she said.

Mixed metaphors

My husband could have had any women he pleased – he just couldn't please any!

Husbands Marriage Women

We all act as one heartbeat.

Mixed metaphors

“The jelly is 50% set”, Tom affirmed.

Tom Swifties

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Definitions Marriage Wives

“I can lend you the money,” Tom said with interest.

Tom Swifties

Never put all your eggs in one omelet.

Mixed metaphors

Philosophy: Common sense in a dress suit.

Definitions Intelligence Wisdom