Author: Anonymous Page 119

Learned Fool: One who has read everything, and simply remembered it.

Definitions Intelligence

“I’ve thought of another exception,” Tom rebutted.

Tom Swifties

Americans: People with more time-saving devices and less time than any other people in the world.

Definitions People

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

Sex

I wouldn't touch the metric measuring system with a 3.048m pole.

Language Science/Weather

He'll take your head off at the blink of a hat.

Mixed metaphors

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Things

Mason-Dixon Line: A geographical division between “you all” and “youse guys.”

Definitions Places

After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why doctors wear masks in the operating room.

Doctors Health

She has a four-pocket backend.

Appearance Expressions Fat

The lining's always more silver on the other side of the cloud.

Mixed metaphors

I realized I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

Communication Health Language Reading/Writing

Don’t be discouraged if your children reject your advice; years later they will offer it to their offspring.

Beliefs Children Family Opinion

Alimony: A system wherein two people make a mistake, and one of them keeps on paying for it.

Divorce Marriage

Gardener: A man who never lets grass grow under his feet.

Definitions

Psychiatrists: People with the same problems as anyone else, but with an accent.

Definitions Doctors Health

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Activities Beer Food/Drink

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Communication Family Language Mothers

A salesman told viewers that a keyboard would teach your mind's eye to play by ear.

Mixed metaphors

It would bring the public school system crumbling to its knees.

Mixed metaphors

Curve: The loveliest distance between two points.

Appearance Body Definitions