Author: Anonymous Page 119

Armadillo: Possum on the half shell.

Animals Definitions

Drug: A substance that, when injected into a guinea pig, produces a scientific paper.

Activities Definitions Drugs Science/Weather

If you teach a snake to fish, you can lead it to water but it won't drink..

Mixed metaphors

Farm: What a city man dreams of at 5 p.m…. never at 5 a.m.

Definitions

When arguing with a stupid person, be sure he isn’t doing the same thing.

Fools Intelligence

Linguist: A person who can be misunderstood in many languages.

Communication Definitions Language

“Don’t add too much water,” said Tom with great concentration.

Tom Swifties

Baby: An inhabitant of Lapland.

Children Definitions Family

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Definitions Marriage

Bigamy is the only crime on the books where two rites make a wrong.

Marriage

Eunuch: One who is cut off from temptation.

Body Definitions

Loose lips sink like a rock.

Mixed metaphors

Flattery is telling people exactly what they think of themselves.

Characteristics People Self

“Eating garbage is a form of recycling, but I can’t eat any more,” said Tom wastefully.

Tom Swifties

Slander: To lie, or tell the truth, about someone.

Communication Definitions

She plummeted the deaths of inequity.

Malaprops

“Hey, what’s it worth if I help you escape from prison?” asked Tom contemptuously.

Tom Swifties

These two guys are cut out of the same mold.

Mixed metaphors

We'll rewind the calendar.

Mixed metaphors

If people weren’t meant to have midnight snacks, then why do they put a light in the refrigerator?

Food/Drink

Inch: Unit of measure whose length is consistently underestimated by men.

Definitions