Author: Anonymous Page 119

“That may cause my violin strings to snap,” was Tom’s gut reaction.

Tom Swifties

“Cut it out!” said Tom sharply.

Tom Swifties

Phillips Screwdriver: Used  to round off Phillips screw heads.

Definitions Things

He reads like a fish.

Mixed metaphors

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun.

America Arms Conflict People Places

Regret: Insight that comes a day too late.

Definitions

Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?

Expressions Marriage

Originality: Undetected plagiarism.

Definitions

I'm tired of walking on kid gloves.

Mixed metaphors

Windy as a hornet

Mixed metaphors

Neighbors: The only people who listen to both sides of an argument.

Definitions People

Contraceptives: What Protestants use on all conceivable occasions.

Definitions

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.

Definitions

“I’m burning aromatic substances,” said Tom, incensed.

Tom Swifties

Teenagers: People who express a burning drive to be different by dressing alike.

Age Definitions

Optometrist: A person you have to see.

Definitions Doctors

Couldn’t find his rear with his hands in his back pockets

Expressions Fools Intelligence Stupidity

Money roots out all evil.

Mixed metaphors

“I hear a brook,” Tom babbled.

Tom Swifties

Homer also wrote the Oddity.

Books Malaprops Reading/Writing

“I think we were cheated,” Tom recounted.

Tom Swifties