Author: Anonymous Page 119

“Pretend we were in the days before railways,” Tom coached.

Tom Swifties

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are.

Definitions Family People

Optometrist: A person you have to see.

Definitions Doctors

“That’s especially stupid!” said Tom superciliously.

Tom Swifties

“That’s the last time I’ll stick my arm in a lion’s mouth,” the lion-tamer said off-handedly.

Tom Swifties

Goin’ around your ass to get to your elbow

Expressions

improvise

Tom Swifties

Father: An ATM provided by nature.

Definitions Family Fathers

It's a big nut to swallow.

Mixed metaphors

White Lie: Aversion of the truth.

Beliefs Definitions Honesty Lies Truth

“Some day, people will be able to file lawsuits against computers,” said Tom soothingly.

Tom Swifties

Reoriented: Sent back to China.

Definitions Wordplay

So cross-eyed he could look at his own head.

Miscellaneous

Historian: An editor of yesterday’s news.

Definitions History Occupations Time Work

I am sorry to say that my affluence over my niece is very small.

Malaprops

Carpet: A floor covering that is bought by the yard and worn by the foot.

Definitions

Market Correction: The day after you buy stocks.

Definitions

Hallucination: A belief owned exclusively by one person.

Definitions

“I only have diamonds, clubs and spades,” said Tom heartlessly.

Tom Swifties

People seldom know what they want until you give them what they ask for.

Situations

“My neurotic blood-sucking arachnid has put on weight”, said Tom, his nervous tic showing again.

Tom Swifties