Author: Anonymous Page 12

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Alcohol Food/Drink

If you let the cat out of the bag, how can you let sleeping dogs lie?

Mixed metaphors

Colleague: The person to whom one passes the buck.

Definitions

Intuition: Suspicion in skirts.

Definitions

Marriage: A  relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

Definitions Marriage

Set aside half an hour every day to do all your worrying; then take a nap during this period.

Situations Sleep

Underwear: An article of clothing which, when kept clean, ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

He was just a splash in the pan.

Mixed metaphors

Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.

Emotions Happiness Money

Sadist: A person who is kind to a masochist.

Definitions People Wordplay

The perferator of the crime was apprehended by the police.

Crime Malaprops

“That’s nothing!” said Tom naughtily.

Tom Swifties

Acme: Spots on the top of your head.

Definitions

Idiot: A man who sees your point in an argument but refuses to see your way.

Definitions Intelligence

We hate to have some people give us advice because we know how badly they need it themselves.

Beliefs Opinion

“I’ll get you out of prison in no time,” said Tom balefully.

Tom Swifties

As long as that dog hunts, we’ll ride him,

Mixed metaphors

Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you’re going to get or how long it will last.

Sex

Abstinence is a good thing, but it should be practiced in moderation.

Sex

Don't do the crime if you can't get out the kitchen.

Mixed metaphors

Don't count your chickens until you see the whites of their eyes.

Mixed metaphors