Author: Anonymous Page 12

Igloo: An icicle built for two.

Definitions

Freudian Slip: When you say one thing but mean your mother.

Communication Definitions

“I wonder if I’d have better luck if I fished with a net,” Tom debated.

Tom Swifties

Depression: A period in which you have no belt to tighten.

Definitions Frugal Money

Tennis: a racquet sport in which two players compete to see who has the shortest temper, the worst memory, the poorest eyesight, and the slowest watch.

Sports

He swept the rug under the carpet.

Mixed metaphors

Abstinence is a good thing, but it should be practiced in moderation.

Sex

“The pool player from USC had to drop out because the proper equipment didn’t arrive on time,” Tom calculated.

Tom Swifties

It is so hot… I saw two trees fighting over a dog.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Busier than a puppy in room full of rubber balls.

Expressions

Nymphomania: A disease where the patient enjoys being bedridden.

Definitions Sex

Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.

Definitions Marriage

A journey of a thousand miles keeps the doctor away.

Mixed metaphors

Thanks: A down payment on the next favor.

Definitions

So skinny she’d have to stand up twice to make a shadow.

Appearance Body Expressions

If worse comes to shove

Mixed metaphors

Weed: A plant whose virtues have not been discovered.

Definitions

“I need an injection,” Tom pleaded in vain.

Tom Swifties

… having too much collateral in your blood.

Health Malaprops

Between closed walls

Mixed metaphors

“Lights, camera, action!” Tom said directly.

Tom Swifties