Author: Anonymous Page 120

“Perhaps I will,” said Tom with all his might.

Tom Swifties

“Ignore the first three turnings,” directed Tom forthrightly.

Tom Swifties

The trouble with most marriages is after she says ‘I do’, she won’t.

Marriage

Upper Crust: People stuck together by their dough.

Definitions Money People

An ideal mind is the devil's playground.

Misspokements

You can lead a gift horse to water but you can't look him in the mouth.

Mixed metaphors

It doesn't take rocket appliances.

Intelligence Malaprops

Death: To stop sinning suddenly.

Death Definitions

Zeal: A nervous disorder affecting the young and inexperienced.

Characteristics Definitions

“I’ve been to a film festival in Southern France,” said Tom cannily.

Tom Swifties

Hula Dancer: A shake in the grass.

Definitions

Hook: Irritating but highly reliable device used to quickly locate the position of one’s thumb at the bottom of a tackle box.

Activities Definitions

I wouldn’t be caught dead there with a ten-foot pole.

Mixed metaphors

Even if you gave him poison he wouldn't die until he'd recovered the deposit on the bottle.

Frugal Money

Stock Market: A popular game of chance in which moneyed speculators gamble with the nation’s economy, the object being to amass as much unearned income as possible before one’s fellow gamblers withdraw from the game and precipitate a nationwide depression.

Definitions Money

He’s suffering from a lack of self of steam.

Characteristics Malaprops

He's a wolf in cheap clothing.

Malaprops

B Flat: An apiary.

Definitions

Optimist: A middle-aged man who believes that the cleaners have been shrinking the waistband of his pants.

Body Characteristics Definitions People

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy; one is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

Emotions Happiness Marriage Wives

Just keep your eye on the pie.

Malaprops