Author: Anonymous Page 121

“Consult an investment broker,” was Tom’s stock answer.

Tom Swifties

Accordion Music: Noise that comes from playing both ends against the middle.

Definitions Entertainment Music

He reads like a fish.

Mixed metaphors

Applause before a speaker begins his talk is an act of faith; applause during the speech is an act of hope; applause after he has concluded is an act of charity.

Communication Speech

“Fire!” yelled Tom alarmingly.

Tom Swifties

“Give me some Chinese food”, said Tom wantonly.

Tom Swifties

Parking Space: An unoccupied place on the other side of the street.

Definitions

Dirty laundry is coming home to roost.

Misspokements Mixed metaphors

I can read him like the back of my book.

Mixed metaphors

I never liked him and I always will.

Insults

He’s still green behind the ears.

Mixed metaphors

That was the last hump on the camel.

Mixed metaphors

“We must hurry,” said Tom Swiftly.

Tom Swifties

X: The signature of a happy man.

Definitions

Small Town: Where everybody is interested in what the Joneses will name the latest baby, while a big city is where they worry about what the zoo will call the new elephant.

Definitions Places

It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire.

Mixed metaphors

Cute as a duck in a hat.

Expressions

Diplomat: Someone who can lose all the points and still win the game.

Definitions

It's as American as killing two birds with one apple pie.

Mixed metaphors

We will burn that horse when we get there.

Mixed metaphors

Graduate school: The place where a young scholar goes off their parents’ payroll – and on to their spouse’s.

Education School