Author: Anonymous Page 121

“I got in through the window after opening it with a crowbar,” said Tom enterprisingly.

Tom Swifties

Business Forecaster: A person who is uncertain about the future and hazy about the present.

Definitions

Willy-Nilly: Impotent.

Miscellaneous

Diplomat: A fellow who prefers ironing out his differences to flattening his opponent.

Definitions

“I invested in a hi-tech startup,” Tom ventured.

Tom Swifties

Flirtation: Paying attention without intention.

Definitions

Many a man who misses an anniversary catches it later.

Marriage

History: The version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.

Definitions History Time

Niagara Falls: The bride’s second great disappointment.

Definitions Places Sex

Camp: Where parents spend $1,000 for eight weeks to teach their child to make a 25-cent ash tray.

Definitions

“2 bdrm furn w 5 appl”, said Tom aptly.

Tom Swifties

He could wear a top hat and walk under a snake’s belly.

Expressions

“I couldn’t believe there were 527,986 bees in the swarm!” Tom recounted.

Tom Swifties

Dog: An intelligent four-footed animal who walks around with an idiot on the end of his leash.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Tattoo: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

Appearance Body Definitions

Innocent Bystander: A person so simple-minded he doesn’t know enough to get out of the way.

Definitions

“This pencil tip is dull,” she said pointedly.

Tom Swifties

B Flat: An apiary.

Definitions

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

Mixed metaphors

Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

Definitions

Epitaph: A monumental lie.

Death Definitions