Author: Anonymous Page 121

Electrician: A person who wires for money.

Definitions Occupations Work

“Are you homosexual?” Tom queried gaily.

Tom Swifties

Antique: Something too old to be anything but too expensive.

Definitions Things

Abort: To correct a misconception.

Definitions

Fiddling with his guitar

Mixed metaphors

It was so cold… flashers were just describing themselves.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

I put the pro in procrastinate.

Characteristics

“I hear a brook,” Tom babbled.

Tom Swifties

Clothes Dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.

Definitions Things

Professionals built the Titanic; amateurs built the ark.

People Work

Bugs: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.

Animals Definitions

Housewarming: The last call for wedding presents.

Definitions

“I’m going to get a hair transplant,” said Tom baldly.

Tom Swifties

April 1: The day we are reminded of what we are the other 364.

Definitions Fools Intelligence

Kill two cats with one bag.

Mixed metaphors

Disrespect: Giving someone half of the peace sign without suggesting they’re number one.

Definitions

You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape; if it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40, if it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.

Things

Peeping Tom: A window fan.

Definitions Wordplay

At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people – you are obnoxious in a different and worse way!

Characteristics People

“I unclogged the drain with a vacuum cleaner,” said Tom succinctly.

Tom Swifties

It’s all water under the hatchet.

Mixed metaphors