Author: Anonymous Page 121

Debts: The certain outcome of an uncertain income.

Definitions Money

Efficiency Expert: A man smart enough to tell you how to run your business and too smart to start his own.

Definitions

Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.

Definitions People

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar.

Autos Definitions Things

Female: One who believes if you charge it, it’s not spending, and if you add a cherry to it, it’s not intoxicating.

Definitions People

The lining's always more silver on the other side of the cloud.

Mixed metaphors

Artificial Insemination: Impregnation without representation and procreation without recreation.

Definitions

If it weren't for marriage, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.

Characteristics Marriage Men

“This way to the seabird exhibit”, said Tom awkwardly.

Tom Swifties

Expert: A person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.

Definitions

Two in every one people in this country are schizophrenic.

People

“We had trouble with the propulsion systems for those moon flights”, said the NASA engineer apologetically.

Tom Swifties

Kin: An affliction of the blood.

Definitions Family

Impossible: What nobody can do until somebody does it.

Definitions

It is so hot… potatoes cook underground.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

We'll mend that fence when we get to it.

Mixed metaphors

Quickie: No sooner spread than done.

Definitions Sex

Lemonade Stand: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of fifteen cents.

Definitions

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Communication Language

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

People Sex Women

Neighbors: The only people who listen to both sides of an argument.

Definitions People