Author: Anonymous Page 121

Tattoo: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

Appearance Body Definitions

Enema: Not a friend.

Definitions

“Your trousers have come apart!” was Tom’s unseemly comment.

Tom Swifties

Callous: Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.

Characteristics Definitions

Cold: An ailment cured in two weeks with a doctor’s care, and in fourteen days without it.

Definitions Doctors Health

When my dad was explaining the facts of life to me, he drew me a big diaphragm.

Malaprops

It was so cold… the politicians had their hands in their own pockets.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Hospital: A place where people who are run down wind up..

Definitions

Now that the ball is in our court, let's go for the touchdown.

Mixed metaphors

Originality: The art of concealing your source.

Definitions

“I bought myself fifty hamburgers and I’ve only ten left,” said Tom with fortitude.

Tom Swifties

Men are like lawnmowers: they’re hard to get started, emit noxious odors and half the time they don’t work.

Men People

Telephone: A contrivance for letting us talk to people whom we don’t want to meet.

Definitions Things

A carpenter was the low rung on a totem pole.

Mixed metaphors

“Who is this Tom Swifty character anyway?” asked Tom unselfconsciously.

Tom Swifties

Acting is pretending, and the most difficult part is pretending you’re eating regularly.

Acting Eating Entertainment Food/Drink Occupations

Strapless Gown: A compromise between the law of decency and the law of gravity.

Clothing Definitions

“I used to be a paratrooper,” Tom explained.

Tom Swifties

“It’s just gold leaf,” said Tom guiltily.

Tom Swifties

“Here’s the story of the Liberty Bell”, Tom told us appealingly.

Tom Swifties

“I wish I could remember the name of that card game,” said Tom wistfully.

Tom Swifties