Author: Anonymous Page 122

She really stuck her neck out on a limb.

Mixed metaphors

He is so stupid… he thought Johnny Cash was a pay toilet.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Anoint: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

Definitions

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Dating Definitions Relationships

She couldn’t catch a cold if it had handles.

Expressions

That's a hard bubble to crack.

Mixed metaphors

“I have a split personality,” said Tom, being frank.

Tom Swifties

You can lead a gift horse to water but you can't look him in the mouth.

Mixed metaphors

Time may be a great healer, but’s it’s a lousy beautician.

Appearance Health Time

The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you are in the bathroom.

Places Situations World

It is so hot… today I saw a funeral procession pull into a Dairy Queen.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

An alarm clock is built with a mechanism to scare the daylights into you.

Things

“Don’t call me a oddball,” Tom replied evenly.

Tom Swifties

The world is your lobster.

Mixed metaphors

It’s time to step up to the plate and lay your cards on the table.

Mixed metaphors

Modesty: Being comfortable that others will soon discover your greatness.

Definitions Self

It was so cold… polar bears were buying fur coats.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

I was beaming at the seams!

Malaprops

Bugs: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.

Animals Definitions

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'whose?'

Money Wealth Work

She’s so ugly… when she entered an ugly contest the judges said, "No professionals."

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly