Author: Anonymous Page 124

Wife Swapping: Sexual fourplay.

Definitions Marriage Sex Wordplay

The early worm is being picked first.

Mixed metaphors

Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Definitions

“I’ve stuck a pin through my nose,” said Tom punctually.

Tom Swifties

Accordionated: Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

Definitions Wordplay

There's a traumatic difference between the two.

Malaprops

Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, in addition to when it is removed.

Cooking Definitions

You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

Characteristics

Amnesty: The state’s magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

Definitions

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Government Intelligence Law

Bargain: Something you can’t use, at a price you can’t resist.

Activities Definitions Shopping

Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

Definitions

The acrobats are performing freaks at the circus.

Entertainment Malaprops

The bottom line boils down to…

Mixed metaphors

Altar: To change through marriage.

Definitions Marriage

Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.

Definitions Things

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.

Malaprops

It was a very heart-rendering story.

Emotions Malaprops

Hat: Something the average man covers his head with, the beggar passes around, the statesman throws into the ring, and the politician talks through.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Inside every fat book there is a thin book trying to get out.

Books Communication