Author: Anonymous Page 125

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's too late to close the barn door.

Mixed metaphors

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Beliefs Communication

“I only have diamonds, clubs and spades,” said Tom heartlessly.

Tom Swifties

“This wind is awful,” blustered Tom.

Tom Swifties

Diet: What helps a person gain weight more slowly.

Definitions Food/Drink

Childish Games: Those at which your wife beats you.

Activities Definitions Games

It's as easy as falling off a piece of cake.

Mixed metaphors

Yankee: The same as a quickie, but you can do it by yourself.

Definitions

“I don’t like this Chardonnay,” Tom whined.

Tom Swifties

It was so cold… we didn't clean the house – we just defrosted it.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Gossip: One with a keen sense of rumor.

Definitions

Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

People Women

“I shall see to it well in advance,” said Tom tenderly.

Tom Swifties

Running around like a chicken with its legs cut off

Mixed metaphors

Birthday: Anniversary of one’s birth, observed only by men and children.

Age Definitions

“Yes, I’m amazingly strongly built,” said Tom soberly.

Tom Swifties

“My bicycle wheel is damaged,” said Tom outspokenly.

Tom Swifties

Keep your nose up!

Mixed metaphors

When I ask what time it is – I don't need to know how the watch is built.

Communication Expressions Speech

Honest Politician: One who, when he is bought, will stay bought.

Definitions Government Politicians

Gifted Children: Unfortunate tykes who lack the good sense to hide their talents from overly ambitious parents.

Definitions Family