Author: Anonymous Page 126

He was married to an acrobat, but she caught him in the act.

Communication Wordplay

Cigarette: A bit of tobacco with a fire at one end and a fool at the other.

Definitions

Character: What you have left when you’ve lost everything you can lose.

Definitions

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.

Definitions

She’s not the brightest bulb in the drawer.

Mixed metaphors

I once knew a woman who offered her honor, so I honored her offer, and all night long I was on her and off her.

Sex Wordplay

Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids.

Children Family Sex Wordplay

“I’m swimming in the middle of Paris!” shouted Tom insanely.

Tom Swifties

“Fish seem to like me,” Tom said with baited breath.

Tom Swifties

Logic: The art of going wrong with confidence.

Definitions

People are dying like hotcakes.

Mixed metaphors

It's clear to see who makes the pants here.

Malaprops Marriage

Liberty: Consists in giving everyone full right to mind everyone else’s business.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

You have to take the bad with the worse.

Mixed metaphors

When it comes to giving—some people stop at nothing.

Characteristics Money People

Summer Camps: Those places where little boys go for mother’s vacation.

Activities Definitions

Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Definitions Money

Apple: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.

Definitions Food/Drink

Chip Shot: A short, low approach shot that gets a player into position for one or more missed puts.

Definitions Golf Sports

“It’s an actual parameter, not a formal parameter,” was Tom’s argument.

Tom Swifties

“Are you homosexual?” Tom queried gaily.

Tom Swifties