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Telephone: A contrivance for letting us talk to people whom we don’t want to meet.

Definitions Things

That’ll separate the men from the goats.

Mixed metaphors

The doctor felt the man's purse and thought it was awfully low.

Health Malaprops

Aardvark: In the beginning was the word. And the word was ‘Aardvark.’

Communication Definitions Language

Spilt Milk: Udder waste.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

When arguing with a stupid person, be sure he isn’t doing the same thing.

Fools Intelligence

Quality Control: The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.

Definitions

Married at the hip

Mixed metaphors

Bogey: The number of strokes needed to finish a hole by a golfer of average skill and above-average honesty.

Definitions Golf Sports

Right there on the tip of my brain

Mixed metaphors

Chicken: An egg factory.

Animals Definitions

It's like locking the barn door after the nuts have bolted.

Mixed metaphors

You can’t go in there cold turkey with egg on your face.

Mixed metaphors

“Take me to the dance,” Mary bawled.

Tom Swifties

So dry the catfish are carrying canteens.

Exaggerations Science/Weather

“I wish I drove a Scandinavian car,” Tom sobbed.

Tom Swifties

Clichés: Fixtures of speech.

Definitions Language

X Chromosome: a genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs.

Definitions Men People

Waffle: A pancake with a nonskid tread.

Definitions Food/Drink

Voting: A process of standing in line for the opportunity to help decide which party will spend your money.

Definitions

Editor: The fellow who makes a long story short.

Communication Definitions Reading/Writing