Author: Anonymous Page 127

Matrimony: The splice of life.

Definitions Marriage Wordplay

I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.

Children Family

Diet: A system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer.

Definitions Food/Drink

Let dead dogs sleep.

Mixed metaphors

Modesty: Being comfortable that others will soon discover your greatness.

Definitions Self

Garage: An attic on a lower level.

Definitions

One hundred degrees better

Mixed metaphors

A truly reckless driver is one who passes you when you are already exceeding the speed limit.

Activities Driving

Average: The poorest of the good and the best of the bad.

Definitions

Diplomat: A person who can juggle a hot potato long enough for it to become a cold issue.

Definitions

Oh, for I minute there, I thought I was illuminating.

Malaprops

That's the pot calling the kettle's bluff.

Mixed metaphors

“Someday I’ll run the CIA,” said Tom aspiringly.

Tom Swifties

A bird in the hand is mightier than the sword.

Mixed metaphors

“I might as well be dead,” Tom croaked.

Tom Swifties

Parking Space: A place occupied by someone already there.

Miscellaneous

“Those hookers are putting notices in the personals”, Tom advised.

Tom Swifties

Fanatic: A man who does what God would do – if He only had the facts straight.

Definitions

Fiddler: A violinist before he becomes the virtuoso.

Definitions Entertainment Music

Insomnia: The inability to sleep even when it’s time to get up.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Businessman: One who talks golf all morning at the office, and business all afternoon on the links.

Definitions Golf Occupations