Author: Anonymous Page 128

It could turn on a dime like a stallion.

Mixed metaphors

That will open up a whole new can of issues.

Mixed metaphors

She has a photogenic memory.

Malaprops Memory

Upgraded: Didn't work the first time.

Definitions Situations

Life is too short to drink cheap beer.

Alcohol Food/Drink Life

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial costs and blamed it on the high cost of living.

Money

“I didn’t look at all!” Tom peeped.

Tom Swifties

“And to think I swallowed that lie, hook, line and sinker!” Tom gulped.

Tom Swifties

Youth: The first fifty years of your life… the first twenty of anyone else’s.

Age Definitions Young

Don't mind me, I'm just a mouse on the wall.

Mixed metaphors

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

Situations

“Why don’t you have some fruit?”, asked Tom with aplomb.

Tom Swifties

So dry the catfish are carrying canteens.

Exaggerations Science/Weather

Good Sport: One who will always let you have your own way.

Definitions

I am sorry to say that my affluence over my niece is very small.

Malaprops

She has really plummeted to the top of the charts.

Malaprops

Silence: Having nothing to say and saying it.

Communication Definitions Situations Speech

I’m so hungry I could beat a dead horse.

Mixed metaphors

Argument: A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but the other person hasn’t realized it yet.

Definitions

Looting: A public shopping spree generously sponsored by local merchants in the wake of a riot.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Crime Definitions

Dieting: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

Definitions Food/Drink