Author: Anonymous Page 129

Military Expert: One who tells you what’s going to happen tomorrow – then tells you why it didn’t.

Definitions Government Military

Quit your procrasterbating and go talk to him.

Malaprops

Antipathy: The sentiment inspired by one’s friend’s friend.

Definitions

Bride: A gal who puts her foot down as soon as her new husband has carried her over the threshold.

Definitions Marriage Wives

Fettuccine Alfredo: Macaroni and cheese for adults.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink

Birthdays are nice to have, but too many of them will kill a person.

Age

Convict: The only person who likes to be stopped in the middle of a sentence.

Crime Definitions

Bum: A man-about-town.

Definitions

Surfing the Infobahn [information superhighway]

Mixed metaphors

“I’m embarrassed,” Tom admitted readily.

Tom Swifties

Interesting: A word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

Communication Definitions Speech

Astronomer: Night watchman.

Definitions Occupations

“I’ve been to a film festival in Southern France,” said Tom cannily.

Tom Swifties

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Marriage

Character: What you have left when you’ve lost everything you can lose.

Definitions

Democracy is the counting of heads, regardless of the contents.

Democracy Elections/Voting Government

“I’d like to make a toast,” Tom said warmly.

Tom Swifties

Cloud: What’s in front of every silver lining.

Definitions

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'whose?'

Money Wealth Work

Love is blind… but marriage is the real eye-opener.

Emotions Love Marriage

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

Sports