Author: Anonymous Page 129

“I see,” said Tom icily.

Tom Swifties

“Here is your hotdog,” said Tom with relish.

Tom Swifties

“I wonder why the hive’s still empty,” said Tom belatedly.

Tom Swifties

The [outdoor] sculpture park has opened its doors for the summer.

Mixed metaphors

“Your fly is undone,” was Tom’s zippy rejoinder.

Tom Swifties

She is so short… you can see her feet on her driver's license picture.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

Income Tax: The entry fee for the rat race.

Definitions Government Taxes

“I’m going after that red fish,” said Tom erringly.

Tom Swifties

Heckler: A guy who ribs you the wrong way.

Definitions Wordplay

The town had the coldest temperature in all the contagious states.

America Malaprops Places

Housewarming: The last call for wedding presents.

Definitions

Arabs wear turbines on their heads.

Clothing Malaprops

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

Mixed metaphors

Radical: Anyone whose opinion differs from ours.

Beliefs Definitions People

Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Definitions Family

“So this is your new computer!” said Tom calculatingly.

Tom Swifties

“Employees are not permitted to have sex on company furniture,” Tom shouted, banging on the table.

Tom Swifties

But I don't have an intricate relationship with it.

Malaprops

“Don’t you love sleeping outdoors,” Tom said intently.

Tom Swifties

Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan.

Failure Murphy’s Laws Problems Success

Optimist: An anti-skeptic.

Definitions