Author: Anonymous Page 13

He’s like a duck out of water.

Mixed metaphors

Architects: People who now have to measure their patrons for the breakfast nook.

Definitions Occupations

When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.

Characteristics Intelligence

Regardless of their age, most folks are not as old as they hope to be.

Age Old

The worst part about politics is that you're always right and no one ever knows it

Government Politics

Booby Trap: A brassiere.

Definitions

Window: A looking-out glass.

Definitions Things

Ability: What will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.

Definitions

“Would you like to buy some cod?” asked Tom selfishly.

Tom Swifties

“He’s a boring chap,” said Tom indulgently.

Tom Swifties

Absolute Zero: The lowest grade attainable on a test.

Definitions Education School

“You have the right to remain silent,” said Tom arrestingly.

Tom Swifties

“I bought myself fifty hamburgers and I’ve only ten left,” said Tom with fortitude.

Tom Swifties

Logic: The art of going wrong with confidence.

Definitions

The history of the aquatics center shows… that the games’ organizers seem to be willing to spend money like water.

Mixed metaphors

Aardvark: In the beginning was the word. And the word was ‘Aardvark.’

Communication Definitions Language

Centenarian: A person who has lived to be one hundred years old. He never smoked or he smoked all his life. He used whiskey for eighty years or he never used it. He was a vegetarian or he wasn’t a vegetarian.

Age Definitions Old

Retraction: The revision of an insult to give it wider circulation.

Definitions Insults

He is so fat… his driver's license says, “picture continued on other side.”

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

Definitions Food/Drink