Author: Anonymous Page 13

“Life isn’t fair,” said Tom darkly.

Tom Swifties

A sandwich is an attempt to make both ends meat.

Food/Drink

Key Ring: A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

Definitions Things

“I am so one of the seven dwarfs!” he said grumpily.

Tom Swifties

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

Golf Sports

We’ll do this individually as a group.

Mixed metaphors

Coach: A fellow who will gladly lay down your life for the school.

Definitions

"Let's gather up the rope," said Tom coyly.

Tom Swifties

Just keep your eye on the pie.

Malaprops

Once again, the Achilles' heel has reared its ugly head.

Mixed metaphors

My mind is an open slate.

Mixed metaphors

My husband was chosen as a wheelbarrow for his friend's funeral.

Malaprops

X Chromosome: a genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs.

Definitions Men People

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are… but I laugh more.

Emotions Laughter

A loose tongue spoils the broth.

Mixed metaphors

A gentleman never swears at his wife when ladies are present.

Characteristics Men People

Time: The arbitrary division of eternity.

Definitions Time

Sympathizer: A fellow that’s for you as long as it doesn’t cost anything.

Definitions

Abstinence is a good thing, but it should be practiced in moderation.

Sex

Ambulance: A vehicle used to show lawyers where the accident is.

Definitions

Coaching: Eliminating mistakes before you get fired.

Definitions