Author: Anonymous Page 13

Parking Space: A place occupied by someone already there.

Miscellaneous

Cross-Eyed Teacher: A teacher that loses control over his or her pupils.

Definitions

Advice: A commodity peddled by your lawyer and given away by your mother-in-law, but impossible to dispose of yourself. Famous as the one thing which it is “More blessed to give than receive.”

Definitions

A seven pound baby arrived last night to frighten the lives of Mr. and Mrs. Sherman Caswell.

Malaprops

Bureaucrat: A Democrat who holds an office that a Republican wants.

Definitions Government Politicians

Adherent: A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.

Definitions People

Abash: A high school graduation party.

Definitions

Horse: An oatsmobile.

Animals Definitions

She wears her heart up her sleeve.

Mixed metaphors

“Strike three,” Tom called out.

Tom Swifties

Matrimony: The splice of life.

Definitions Marriage Wordplay

Ice Fishing: Winter fishing method in which anglers use a variety of specialized equipment to catch colds.

Definitions

Good Neighbor: One who makes his noise at the same time you make yours.

Definitions

Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Definitions

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Definitions Health

A rolling stone catches the worm.

Mixed metaphors

Antipathy: The sentiment inspired by one’s friend’s friend.

Definitions

The best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one!

Dating Men Relationships Sex

“Eating uranium makes me feel funny,” said Tom radiantly.

Tom Swifties

Archive: Where the two bees stayed after Noah brought them aboard.

Definitions

Psychology: The science that tells you what you already know in words you can’t understand.

Definitions Science/Weather