Author: Anonymous Page 130

Clothes Dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.

Definitions Things

Happier than a pig in slop

Emotions Expressions Happiness

She plummeted the deaths of inequity.

Malaprops

Venereal Disease: Germs of endearment.

Definitions Health

Birthday: Anniversary of one’s birth, observed only by men and children.

Age Definitions

Crazier than a dog in a hubcap factory

Expressions

“I manufacture tabletops for shops,” said Tom counterproductively.

Tom Swifties

“I’m wearing a ribbon round my arm,” said Tom with abandon.

Tom Swifties

Whiskey: The best thing to take for a headache – the night before.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

A woman who strives to be like a man lacks ambition.

Characteristics Men People Women

Argument: A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but the other person hasn’t realized it yet.

Definitions

Good Breeding: That quality that enables a person to wait in well-mannered silence while the loudmouth gets the service.

Definitions

Tact: The ability to arrive at conclusions without expressing them.

Definitions

“It’s time for the second funeral,” Tom rehearsed.

Tom Swifties

Fishing License: Permit issued upon payment of a modest fee that allows fishermen to lose lures in a specified area.

Activities Definitions

Vasectomy: Spoil the rod… spare the child.

Definitions

It was time to get my act in gear.

Mixed metaphors

Delivering her baby at home is the birthright of every woman.

Mixed metaphors

It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire.

Mixed metaphors

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny; if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Food/Drink Men People Sex

Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

Miscellaneous