Author: Anonymous Page 130

Expert: A man from another city, and the farther away that city is, the greater the expert.

Definitions

Anesthetic: The painkiller that crazy women refuse during labor.

Definitions

Absence makes a long story short.

Mixed metaphors

The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a crashed state.

Computers Failure Murphy’s Laws Things

Window Dresser: A girl who doesn’t pull down the shades.

Definitions People

Artist’s Model: A girl unsuited for her work.

Definitions

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith request your presents at the marriage of their daughter…

Malaprops

Shyster: The other fellow’s lawyer.

Definitions Lawyers

Bad spellers of the world, untie!

Communication Language

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Definitions

Gigolo: A fee-male.

Definitions Wordplay

Tougher than a boiled owl.

Expressions

“I’ll get you out of prison in no time,” said Tom balefully.

Tom Swifties

She's so skinny, she has to run around in the shower to get wet.

Appearance Body Expressions

Survival of the fitness.

Malaprops

Disc Jockey: A guy who lives on spins and needles.

Definitions Occupations

Everybody had some antidotes to tell.

Malaprops Speech

I’d like to be sitting in his shoes.

Mixed metaphors

Calendar: An attempt, underwritten by the principal religions, to make the heavenly bodies keep regular hours.

Definitions

“Where shall I plant these water lilies?” Tom pondered.

Tom Swifties

Average Person: One who thinks someone else is the average person.

Definitions People