Author: Anonymous Page 131

It was so cold… the kids at school were using flannel notebooks.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

“Oops! There goes my hat!” said Tom off the top of his head.

Tom Swifties

He is not the sharpest cookie in the jar.

Mixed metaphors

Zigzag: The shortest distance between two drinks.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

“I must be on a visit”, Tom guessed.

Tom Swifties

Four-wheel Drive: Getting stuck in more inaccessible places.

Definitions

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.

Definitions Marriage

Conference: An organized way of postponing a decision.

Definitions

She is so short… you can see her feet on her driver's license picture.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

I've been up and down like a light switch.

Mixed metaphors

They burnt the midnight candle to resolve the issues.

Mixed metaphors

“I have those totals for you”, Tom added.

Tom Swifties

“Now, how can I trick Sidney?” Tom considered.

Tom Swifties

“I don’t work here on a regular basis,” said Tom casually.

Tom Swifties

What happened to the first 6 “ups?”

Communication Food/Drink Language

If he fell into a pile of horse shit, he’d start looking for a pony.

Characteristics Expressions

Communist: A fellow who will gladly divide his hunger and thirst with you if you’ll divide your beer and salami with him.

Definitions

Doctor: The only man who hasn’t a guaranteed cure for a cold.

Definitions Doctors Health

If that's something you expire to do.

Malaprops

You can’t go in there cold turkey with egg on your face.

Mixed metaphors

“This is the fastest way to get drunk,” said Tom quixotically.

Tom Swifties