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Boomerang: A working model of poetic justice.

Things

Groom: Least important member of wedding party, whose only duties are to show up on time, remember the ring, and try not to be drunk.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

People who wear glass slippers shouldn't kick stones.

Mixed metaphors

He couldn’t find his ass with a flashlight and a roadmap.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

You're making a mountain out of a Mohawk.

Malaprops

Connoisseur: One who attains an obsessive knowledge of wines, audio equipment, cats or French cheeses so as to confer a sense of inadequacy on those who would simply enjoy them.

Definitions

It will have a special time on our plate.

Misspokements

Bridegroom: A man who is amazed at the outcome of what he thought was a harmless little flirtation.

Definitions

Users: Computer users are divided into three types: Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people's computers.

Computers Definitions People Things

“I am removing the lining of my gloves,” Tom deferred.

Tom Swifties

With Lenny in, Carl will fold like a domino!

Mixed metaphors

The trouble with most marriages is after she says ‘I do’, she won’t.

Marriage

Madam: Someone for whom the belles toil.

Definitions Occupations

“I’m on social security,” said Tom dolefully.

Tom Swifties

Unabated: A fishhook without a worm.

Definitions

Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!

Autos Things

College: A fountain of knowledge where students gather to drink.

Definitions Education School

Rattle some feathers.

Mixed metaphors

We had a longer holiday than usual this year because the school was closed for altercations.

Malaprops

Men are like textbooks: you have to spend a lot of time between the covers to gain a small amount of satisfaction.

Books Education Men People Reading/Writing

 “I’m just going to put these handcuffs on you,” said Tom manically.

Tom Swifties