Author: Anonymous Page 131

Statistician: Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

Definitions Occupations Work

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

“I can lend you the money,” Tom said with interest.

Tom Swifties

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

People

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

Beliefs Money People

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Husbands Marriage Wives

She is so stupid… when you said it was chilly outside she went and got a bowl.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Diet: Something you keep putting off while you keep putting on.

Definitions Food/Drink

Only a stupid golfer throws his club behind him; the smart golfer throws his club ahead so he can pick it up on the way to the next hole.

Golf Sports

Regardless of their age, most folks are not as old as they hope to be.

Age Old

His ears are so big… he heard the sun come up.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

Fashion: Something that goes out of style as soon as most people have one.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

People have one thing in common: they are all different.

People

“We’ll need a higher price at auction,” Tom said morbidly.

Tom Swifties

Artichoke: The only vegetable you have more of when you finish eating it, than you had when you started.

Definitions

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

Husbands Marriage

Shivers of joy running up and down my throat

Mixed metaphors

Honeymoon: The morning after the knot before.

Communication Definitions Marriage

Father: An ATM provided by nature.

Definitions Family Fathers

“I’m being sent down to the minors,” said Tom beleagueredly.

Tom Swifties

Acting is pretending, and the most difficult part is pretending you’re eating regularly.

Acting Eating Entertainment Food/Drink Occupations