Author: Anonymous Page 132

Sarcasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it.

Communication Definitions

“Look at my shiny kitchen floor”, said Tom, waxing enthusiastic.

Tom Swifties

Drama Critic: A person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

Definitions Occupations Reviews/Criticism

Borrower: A man who tries to live within your means.

Definitions

Gorilla see, gorilla do.

Mixed metaphors

A salesman told viewers that a keyboard would teach your mind's eye to play by ear.

Mixed metaphors

He smokes like a fish.

Mixed metaphors

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are.

Definitions Family People

She makes pancakes so thin they’ve got just one side to them.

Expressions Food/Drink Frugal Money

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Death Definitions

… having too much collateral in your blood.

Health Malaprops

Fashion: A make-work program to get women to buy new clothes for no real reason before the old clothes wear out.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that hey cannot separately plunder a third.

Definitions Politics

He’s a man without an island.

Mixed metaphors

Horse: An oatsmobile.

Animals Definitions

Yardstick: One foot on each side and one in the middle.

Definitions

Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.

Definitions Places

The guy literally flew down the stairs!

Malaprops

Both of my children had the chicken pops when they were young.

Health Malaprops

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.

Definitions Marriage

She is so fat… she laid on the beach and people tried to push her back into the ocean.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat