Author: Anonymous Page 133

Courtship: When a fellow and a girl are always trying to show how smart he is.

Definitions Relationships

“Here’s your allowance for the next two weeks,” Tom advanced.

Tom Swifties

He was going to line up his ducks in a basket.

Mixed metaphors

Genealogy: An account of one’s descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

Definitions Family

Jury: A body of twelve men selected to decide which of the contestants has the better lawyer.

Definitions Government Law Lawyers

X Chromosome: a genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs.

Definitions Men People

Worry: Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.

Definitions Emotions

He is so fat… he's on both sides of the family.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

She is so fat… her favorite meal is seconds.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

I went skiing last week and broke a leg… fortunately it wasn’t mine.

Sports

She is so ugly… when she goes swimming the tide goes out.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Run your kite up the flagpole

Mixed metaphors

Off the cuff of my head.

Mixed metaphors

Distant Relative: One who can be very distant – especially when he has lots of money.

Definitions Family

I would not trust him with a ten foot pole.

Mixed metaphors

Coffee: Break fluid.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

Crazier than a dog in a hubcap factory

Expressions

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Appearance Body Definitions

Flatterer: One who says things to your face that he wouldn’t say behind your back.

Definitions

Happy as a frog in God's pocket

Emotions Expressions Happiness

Tears: A good-bye product.

Definitions