Author: Anonymous Page 133

“I only use one herb when I cook,” said Tom sagely.

Tom Swifties

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Definitions Health

Vaccine: A microbe with his face washed.

Definitions Health

Hunch: What you call an idea that you’re afraid is wrong.

Definitions

Bliss: Having no idea what is really happening.

Definitions

“There’s a high charge for supporters traveling by coach,” said Tom with considerable fanfare.

Tom Swifties

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.

Golf Sports

“This wind is awful,” blustered Tom.

Tom Swifties

The intention is to get a jumpstart on it.

Mixed metaphors

Banging on their chests with a primeval scream.

Malaprops

Skiing may be a winter activity, but some think of it as a fall sport.

Sports Wordplay

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

Situations

“I’m on social security,” said Tom dolefully.

Tom Swifties

“I wish I drove a Scandinavian car,” Tom sobbed.

Tom Swifties

“I got this ballpoint pen from a Yugoslav friend”, said Tom acerbically.

Tom Swifties

Brilliant sunshine rained down on the city.

Misspokements Mixed metaphors

Depression: A period in which you have no belt to tighten.

Definitions Frugal Money

Flashlight: A case for storing dead batteries.

Definitions Things

This is an awfully big elephant to eat.

Mixed metaphors

Creditor: A man who has a better memory than a debtor.

Definitions

Philosopher: One who, instead of crying over spilt milk, consoles himself with the thought that it was over four-fifths water.

Definitions Occupations