Author: Anonymous Page 134

He is so fat… when he ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Average Person: One who thinks someone else is the average person.

Definitions People

Optometrist: A person you have to see.

Definitions Doctors

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Definitions Family

What comes around, is all around.

Malaprops

Many nations adopt a tit for tit policy.

Malaprops

Highbrow: One whose learning has outstripped his intelligence.

Definitions

The police surrounded the building and threw an accordion around the block.

Malaprops Situations

Reform: To gain or lose weight.

Appearance Body Definitions

Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad’s payroll – and on to his wife’s.

Definitions Education School

… one says to the other her mum had a cyst on on her aviary.

Health Malaprops

He was a very immortal person.

Characteristics Malaprops

She’s so ugly she makes onions cry.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

She is so ugly… when she walks into a haunted house, she came out with a paycheck.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Fairway: The well-kept and seldom used portion of a golf course.

Definitions Golf Sports

She is so ugly… she has to trick or treat over the phone.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

“I have a gift for you,” said Tom presently.

Tom Swifties

Courtesy: Acceptable hypocrisy.

Definitions

We need to look the 800-pound gorilla in the mouth

Mixed metaphors

“If I die, you get everything,” said Tom willingly.

Tom Swifties

Husband: A polygamous animal in a monogamous strait-jacket.

Definitions Marriage