Author: Anonymous Page 134

A loose tongue spoils the broth.

Mixed metaphors

“I’ve removed all the feathers from this chicken,” said Tom pluckily.

Tom Swifties

Cigarette: A bit of tobacco with a fire at one end and a fool at the other.

Definitions

“The food here is terrible,” he muttered, swallowing his words.

Tom Swifties

Dignity: Something that can’t be preserved in alcohol.

Definitions

Father’s Day: The annual day in June set aside so merchants can get rid of their leftover Christmas ties and shaving lotion.

Definitions Time

Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.

Definitions People

What a terrible cat's after me!

Malaprops

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Communication Language

Director: The one who always faces the music.

Definitions Music

Stomach: A bowl-shaped cavity containing the organs of indigestion.

Body Definitions

Users: Computer users are divided into three types: Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people's computers.

Computers Definitions People Things

You were at your wit’s nerve.

Mixed metaphors

… behold, this very day, I have interceded another letter from the fellow.

Malaprops

“Come up to my apartment,” Tom said flatly.

Tom Swifties

Nothing is so fallacious as facts, except figures.

Beliefs Facts

That’ll separate the girls from the sheep.

Mixed metaphors

Run your kite up the flagpole

Mixed metaphors

Counterfeiter: A guy who gets into trouble by following a good example.

Definitions

I'd like to give you a going-away present… but you have to do your part.

Insults

Unabated: A fishhook without a worm.

Definitions