Author: Anonymous Page 135

“I just bought a woollen sweater,” said Tom sheepishly.

Tom Swifties

“I used to feed the lions at the zoo,” said Tom offhandedly.

Tom Swifties

“I write elevator music,” Tom noted.

Tom Swifties

An ideal mind is the devil's playground.

Misspokements

“I’m going after that red fish,” said Tom erringly.

Tom Swifties

Long road to hoe.

Mixed metaphors

Char: Common method of cooking over a campfire.

Cooking Definitions

Cannibals are not vegetarians, they are humanitarians.

Food/Drink People

He was going to line up his ducks in a basket.

Mixed metaphors

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Intelligence

Curve: The loveliest distance between two points.

Appearance Body Definitions

Righteous Indignation: Your own wrath, as opposed to the shocking bad temper of others.

Anger Definitions Emotions

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

Communication Language

Karaoke: Japanese for “Drunk with Microphone.”

Definitions Entertainment

It is so hot… I saw a squirrel fanning his nuts.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy; one is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

Emotions Happiness Marriage Wives

Abscond: To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

Crime Definitions

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Time

“But a totalitarian government could remove all trace of my ever having existed!” said Tom unpersonably.

Tom Swifties

“I’m about to hit the golf ball,” Tom forewarned.

Tom Swifties

Experience: The name an older man gives to his mistakes.

Definitions Mistakes