Author: Anonymous Page 136

“My fellow Americans,” boomed Ronald Reagan, “I have just signed legislation to outlaw the state of Russia for ever…”

Tom Swifties

She is so fat… when she was a kid she could only play seek.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

Mixed metaphors

Cartoon: What’s sung when driving your car.

Definitions

Nervous as a cat in a room full of rockers

Characteristics Emotions Expressions

“I have to check the score on this exam again,” Tom remarked.

Tom Swifties

People are dying like hotcakes.

Mixed metaphors

It's like pulling hen's teeth.

Mixed metaphors

I'm a nervous basket.

Mixed metaphors

Forger: The man who gives a check a bad name.

Definitions

Absentee: A missing golfing peg.

Definitions Golf Sports

“It’s just gold leaf,” said Tom guiltily.

Tom Swifties

Income: The sum of money which it costs more than to live.

Definitions Money

A committee of three gets things done if two don’t show up.

Murphy’s Laws People

Take a flying hike.

Mixed metaphors

The light at the end of the tunnel is only muzzle flash.

Mixed metaphors

Yearbook: A book of pictures that get nerdier with time.

Definitions

If you would like to get your wife’s attention – just look comfortable!.

Marriage Wives

“I’m sure we can fool them into thinking this is pollen,” said Tom beguilingly.

Tom Swifties

Unabated: A fishhook without a worm.

Definitions

Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!

Autos Things