Author: Anonymous Page 137

Nothing is so fallacious as facts, except figures.

Beliefs Facts

Vacation: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.

Definitions

On one hand, I'm indecisive; but on the other, I'm not.

Misspokements

Spilt Milk: Udder waste.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

Accidents Age Beliefs Old

A man's home is his castle – let him clean it.

Mixed metaphors

Horse: An oatsmobile.

Animals Definitions

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Characteristics

By the time a man finds greener pastures, he’s too old to climb the fence.

Age Old Situations

Anatomy: A class that sounds vaguely risqué until you find out what it really involves.

Body Definitions Education School

Run your kite up the flagpole

Mixed metaphors

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it.

Animals Definitions Food/Drink

Deluxe: Mediocre in a big way.

Definitions

We’ll tackle that bridge when we come to it.

Mixed metaphors

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

Mixed metaphors

Dieting is not a piece of cake.

Food/Drink

The Norwegian language has been described as German spoken underwater.

Communication Language Places

“Why do I have to strip naked again?” asked Tom rebuffingly.

Tom Swifties

They think they can do the portrait in one setting.

Malaprops

Bad spellers of the world, untie!

Communication Language

Budget: A method of worrying before you spend, instead of afterward.

Definitions