Author: Anonymous Page 139

If someone told him to haul ass he'd have to make six trips.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.

Conflict Crime People

Honeymoon: The vacation a man takes before starting to work for a new boss.

Definitions Marriage

“The door’s ajar,” said Tom openly.

Tom Swifties

Friends: There are two kinds of friends – those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.

Definitions Friends People

He was as mad as a mule chewin' on bumblebees!

Miscellaneous

He ran a cottage industry from his garden shed.

Mixed metaphors

“I punched him in the stomach three times,” said Tom triumphantly.

Tom Swifties

That's a huge weight lifted off my head.

Mixed metaphors

Let sleeping ducks lie.

Animals Dogs Malaprops

Arsonist: A person who sets the world on fire… at least in a small way.

Definitions

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest.

Mixed metaphors

Hamper: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing.

Clothing Definitions

Raining like a sieve

Mixed metaphors

Courtesy: The art of yawning with your mouth closed.

Dating Definitions Relationships

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

Government Politics

She has initiated and is very remorseful.

Characteristics Malaprops

Ugly as stump full of spiders.

Appearance Expressions Ugly

My wife has just two complaints: first, she’s got absolutely nothing to wear and second, she’s run out of closet space to keep it in.

Appearance Clothing Wives

Inflation: When nobody has enough money because everybody has too much.

Definitions Money

Wife: A former sweetheart.

Definitions Marriage