Author: Anonymous Page 139

He is so ugly… when he walks into the bank they turn off the cameras.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Mission Statement: A long, awkward sentence that demonstrates management’s inability to think clearly.

Definitions

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

Communication Language

Woman: A creature who is either making a fool out of man, or making a man out of a fool.

Definitions People

Horse: An oatsmobile.

Animals Definitions

Pediatrician: Man of little patients.

Definitions Doctors Health Wordplay

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

Science/Weather Situations

We heard the sea is infatuated with sharks.

Animals Malaprops

Keep your eyes pierced, it's got to be around here somewhere.

Malaprops

“I bought myself fifty hamburgers and I’ve only ten left,” said Tom with fortitude.

Tom Swifties

Friend: A good friend is like a good bra… hard to find, supportive, comfortable, and always close to your heart.

Definitions Friends People

I'm going to have to kick it off by hand.

Mixed metaphors

Idiot: A man who sees your point in an argument but refuses to see your way.

Definitions Intelligence

Inside every fat book there is a thin book trying to get out.

Books Communication

Truck Driver: A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people.

Definitions Occupations

Shyster: The other fellow’s lawyer.

Definitions Lawyers

The early bird gathers no moss.

Mixed metaphors

We are born naked, wet, and hungry; then things get worse.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws

Delegate-At-Large: A man at a convention whose wife didn’t accompany him.

Definitions

Between closed walls

Mixed metaphors

Deluxe: Mediocre in a big way.

Definitions