Author: Anonymous Page 14

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun.

America Arms Conflict People Places

VD: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions Health

Altar-Boy: A type of bicycle accident.

Definitions

“The executioner has received the tool he needs”, said Tom with a heavy accent.

Tom Swifties

His car is so expensive the radiator requires Perrier.

Autos Exaggerations Things

Hard to tell whether somebody wanted to make a pretentious allegory and threw in a naked Melanie Griffith to help market it, or just wanted to market a naked Melanie Griffith and threw in a pretentious allegory as justification.

Reviews/Criticism

Garage: An attic on a lower level.

Definitions

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink

Intuition: The sixth sense that allows a woman five wrong guesses.

Definitions Women

Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.

Emotions Love Sex

Caramel: A substance for extracting children’s teeth.

Definitions Food/Drink

Dandruff: Chips off the old block.

Definitions

Zircon: A diamond falsie.

Definitions

Abstract Art: The proof that things are not as bad as they are painted to be.

Art Definitions Entertainment

Opportunist: A person who, finding himself in hot water, decides he needs a bath anyway.

Definitions Situations

They're in the trenches; they're on the horse and they're riding it.

Mixed metaphors

“I’ve an urgent appointment,” said Tom in Russian.

Tom Swifties

“Your tears simply do not affect me,” he observed dryly.

Tom Swifties

Don't do the crime if you can't get out the kitchen.

Mixed metaphors

Business Lunch: Lunch.

Definitions Food/Drink

Our organization really frowns down on that.

Mixed metaphors