Author: Anonymous Page 14

Prejudiced people are all alike.

Characteristics People

“I’m not myself, today,” said Tom, being frank.

Tom Swifties

Filing Cabinet: A place where you lose things alphabetically.

Definitions

“I wish I drove a Scandinavian car,” Tom sobbed.

Tom Swifties

There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.

Communication Health Language

Hospitality: The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.

Definitions

Hit the wall running…

Mixed metaphors

I’m getting up on my feedbox here.

Mixed metaphors

I saw a mosquito in Alaska so big… I could see his brand.

Animals Exaggerations Places

Don’t cast swine before bears.

Mixed metaphors

Spanking: To impress upon the mind from the bottom up.

Definitions

Adolescence: When a boy has reached the state when he knows why a strapless gown must be held up, but doesn’t understand how.

Age Definitions

Divorce: Going through a change of wife.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Ice Fishing: Winter fishing method in which anglers use a variety of specialized equipment to catch colds.

Definitions

University: A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand.

Definitions Education School

He was about as useless as the Pope's testicles.

Insults

Penis: The male organ used to write one’s name in snow.

Body Definitions Men

A censor has the peculiar faculty of banning just what we want to hear, see,

Occupations Work

Argument: A discussion where two people try to get the last word in first

Definitions

“All right, I will allow the prisoners to wear perfume,” the warden consented.

Tom Swifties

Friends: There are two kinds of friends – those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.

Definitions Friends People