Author: Anonymous Page 140

“My ancestor was a famous Confederate general who had an army fort named after him,” Tom bragged.

Tom Swifties

Book Jacket: A fable of contents.

Definitions

“Dorothy, if you’re going to Oz again, I’m going with you,” Em barked.

Tom Swifties

Grocery list: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Activities Definitions Shopping

We were the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world, and with more diets to keep us from eating it.

Food/Drink Places

Tackle that hurdle

Mixed metaphors

A heart as big as gold

Mixed metaphors

Tears: A good-bye product.

Definitions

Donation: A country full of female deer.

Definitions

He is so ugly… when he walks into the bank they turn off the cameras.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Economists are still trying to figure out why the girls with the least principle draw the most interest.

Girls People Wordplay

I was so poor, I couldn't even pay attention.

Exaggerations Money Poverty

Adultery: Putting yourself in someone else’s position.

Marriage Sex

I don't want to step on your thunder.

Mixed metaphors

99 times out of ten, that's what you'll get.

Mixed metaphors

Trick Photography: Focus pocus.

Definitions

Pessimist: Someone who burns their bridges before they get to them.

Definitions

“I’m on the green,” Tom lied.

Tom Swifties

Middle Age: That period when a man begins to shed his hair, his teeth, and his illusions.

Age Definitions

Sterile Solution: Vasectomy.

Definitions

Good Neighbor: One who makes his noise at the same time you make yours.

Definitions