Author: Anonymous Page 140

Oaf: An old fashioned jerk.

Definitions People

Statesman: A politician away from home.

Definitions Politicians

I look like I was sent for and couldn’t go.

Appearance

Woman: A creature who is either making a fool out of man, or making a man out of a fool.

Definitions People

Apparently: As either mother or father would do it.

Definitions

Architects: People who now have to measure their patrons for the breakfast nook.

Definitions Occupations

Like socks on a rooster

Expressions

Eskimos: God’s frozen people.

Definitions People

Grocery list: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Activities Definitions Shopping

Advice: A commodity peddled by your lawyer and given away by your mother-in-law, but impossible to dispose of yourself. Famous as the one thing which it is “More blessed to give than receive.”

Definitions

Unopposed candidate: An officeholder who has mastered the art of campaign reform.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

The bottom line boils down to…

Mixed metaphors

She could eat an apple through a picket fence.

Appearance Expressions

He is so fat… when he gets in an elevator, it has to go down.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Group Therapy: A drama-in-the-round staged for the entertainment of a professional therapist, who commands the players to put on a new show each week and charges them for the privilege.

Definitions

Interpreter: One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter’s advantage for the other to have said.

Communication Definitions Language

Vacation: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.

Definitions

Their relationship was purely plutonic.

Malaprops Relationships

Wolf: A fellow who wants his hands on a girl, but doesn’t want a girl on his hands.

Definitions Men People

Marriages are made in heaven, maybe that’s why so many atheists fool around.

Marriage

I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.

Children Family