Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 140
“My ancestor was a famous Confederate general who had an army fort named after him,” Tom bragged.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Book Jacket: A fable of contents.
Anonymous
Definitions
Book Jacket
“Dorothy, if you’re going to Oz again, I’m going with you,” Em barked.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Grocery list: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Shopping
Grocery list
We were the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world, and with more diets to keep us from eating it.
Anonymous
Food/Drink
Places
Diets
Tackle that hurdle
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
A heart as big as gold
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Tears: A good-bye product.
Anonymous
Definitions
Tears
Donation: A country full of female deer.
Anonymous
Definitions
Donation
He is so ugly… when he walks into the bank they turn off the cameras.
Anonymous
Appearance
Exaggerations
Ugly
Economists are still trying to figure out why the girls with the least principle draw the most interest.
Anonymous
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People
Wordplay
I was so poor, I couldn't even pay attention.
Anonymous
Exaggerations
Money
Poverty
Adultery: Putting yourself in someone else’s position.
Anonymous
Marriage
Sex
Adultery
I don't want to step on your thunder.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
99 times out of ten, that's what you'll get.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Trick Photography: Focus pocus.
Anonymous
Definitions
Trick Photography
Pessimist: Someone who burns their bridges before they get to them.
Anonymous
Definitions
Pessimist
“I’m on the green,” Tom lied.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Middle Age: That period when a man begins to shed his hair, his teeth, and his illusions.
Anonymous
Age
Definitions
Middle age
Sterile Solution: Vasectomy.
Anonymous
Definitions
Sterile Solution
Vasectomy
Good Neighbor: One who makes his noise at the same time you make yours.
Anonymous
Definitions
Good Neighbor
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