Author: Anonymous Page 140

Entrepreneur: What you’re called when you don’t have a job.

Definitions

Manager: Someone who doesn’t know how to do your job, who tells you how to do your job.

Definitions People Work

Long road to hoe

Malaprops

It's like locking the barn door after the nuts have bolted.

Mixed metaphors

What a terrible cat's after me!

Malaprops

The head of the body overseeing youth justice…

Mixed metaphors

“The pool player from USC had to drop out because the proper equipment didn’t arrive on time,” Tom calculated.

Tom Swifties

Worst case Ontario.

Malaprops

Sprouts: Innocent green plants snatched in their infancy and devoured alive by ravenous vegetarians.

Definitions Food/Drink

Many a man who misses an anniversary catches it later.

Marriage

Like stealing cake from a baby

Mixed metaphors

I'm not the kind of person who wears his heart up his sleeve.

Malaprops

Harpist: A plucky musician.

Definitions Entertainment Music Wordplay

“Those ballet students should be forced to do their exercises in the nude,” said Tom barbarically.

Tom Swifties

Babysitter: A teenager you pay $7 an hour to eat $20 worth of snacks.

Definitions

When arguing with a stupid person, be sure he isn’t doing the same thing.

Fools Intelligence

She’d complain if Jesus came down and handed her a $5 bill.

Characteristics Communication

It's like a wizard in sheep's clothing.

Mixed metaphors

Epigram: A half-truth so stated to irritate the person who believes the other half.

Definitions

Communist: A fellow who will gladly divide his hunger and thirst with you if you’ll divide your beer and salami with him.

Definitions

Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.

Definitions Occupations