Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 140
Entrepreneur: What you’re called when you don’t have a job.
Anonymous
Definitions
Entrepreneur
Manager: Someone who doesn’t know how to do your job, who tells you how to do your job.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Work
Manager
Long
road
to hoe
Anonymous
Malaprops
Row
It's like locking the barn door after the nuts have bolted.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
What a terrible
cat's after me!
Anonymous
Malaprops
Catastrophe
The head of the body overseeing youth justice…
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“The pool player from USC had to drop out because the proper equipment didn’t arrive on time,” Tom calculated.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Worst case
Ontario.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Scenario
Sprouts: Innocent green plants snatched in their infancy and devoured alive by ravenous vegetarians.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Sprouts
Many a man who misses an anniversary catches it later.
Anonymous
Marriage
Anniversary
Like stealing cake from a baby
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
I'm not the kind of person who wears his heart
up his sleeve.
Anonymous
Malaprops
On his sleeve
Harpist: A plucky musician.
Anonymous
Definitions
Entertainment
Music
Wordplay
Harpist
“Those ballet students should be forced to do their exercises in the nude,” said Tom barbarically.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Babysitter: A teenager you pay $7 an hour to eat $20 worth of snacks.
Anonymous
Definitions
Babysitter
When arguing with a stupid person, be sure he isn’t doing the same thing.
Anonymous
Fools
Intelligence
She’d complain if Jesus came down and handed her a $5 bill.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Communication
Complaining
Of someone who is never happy
It's like a wizard in sheep's clothing.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Epigram: A half-truth so stated to irritate the person who believes the other half.
Anonymous
Definitions
Epigram
Communist: A fellow who will gladly divide his hunger and thirst with you if you’ll divide your beer and salami with him.
Anonymous
Definitions
Communist
Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Auditor
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