Author: Anonymous Page 140

Chicken guarding the hen house

Mixed metaphors

Did you hear what they feel?

Mixed metaphors

“The seesaw is upside down,” said Tom saucily.

Tom Swifties

That’ll separate the men from the goats.

Mixed metaphors

Union: A dues-paying club workers wield to strike management.

Definitions Work

It is so hot… I saw a squirrel fanning his nuts.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.

Mixed metaphors

“What’s the value of a dollar bill?” asked Tom noteworthily.

Tom Swifties

Statistician: A person who believes that if you put your head in a furnace and your feet in a bucket of iced water, on the average you should feel reasonably comfortable.

Definitions Occupations

I used to be indecisive… but I'm not sure.

Characteristics

The philosophy exam was a piece of cake… which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.

Education School

Lawyer: A fellow who is willing to go out and spend your last cent to prove he’s right.

Definitions Lawyers

Doctor: Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.

Definitions Doctors Health

Discretion: When you are sure you are right and then ask your wife.

Definitions

District of Columbia: A territory bounded on all sides by the United States of America.

Definitions Places

Small Town: Where everybody is interested in what the Joneses will name the latest baby, while a big city is where they worry about what the zoo will call the new elephant.

Definitions Places

“Why do you bother? I for one couldn’t….,” said Tom carelessly.

Tom Swifties

Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Definitions

Bureaucrat: A Democrat who holds an office that a Republican wants.

Definitions Government Politicians

The ship of state has a difficult road ahead.

Mixed metaphors

Efficiency Expert: A man smart enough to tell you how to run your business and too smart to start his own.

Definitions