Author: Anonymous Page 141

That snake in the grass is barking up the wrong tree.

Mixed metaphors

“That young insect is female,” said Tom gallantly.

Tom Swifties

Microsoft™ is thoroughly dropping the ball on that front.

Mixed metaphors

“I manufacture tabletops for shops,” said Tom counterproductively.

Tom Swifties

“I’m mentioned in this book,” said Tom contentedly.

Tom Swifties

Let's do this in one foul sweep.

Malaprops

He is so poor… he can't even pay attention.

Exaggerations Money Poverty

An allowance is what you pay your children to live with you.

Children Definitions Family

Philosopher: One who, instead of crying over spilt milk, consoles himself with the thought that it was over four-fifths water.

Definitions Occupations

It's got lots of installation.

Appearance Clothing Malaprops

After-Dinner Speaker: A person who only has a few words to say, but seldom stops when he has said them.

Definitions

“I like ragged margins,” said Tom without justification.

Tom Swifties

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Housework Work

“I’m swimming in the middle of Paris!” shouted Tom insanely.

Tom Swifties

Craze: The other guy’s hobby.

Definitions

Parking Space: A place occupied by someone already there.

Miscellaneous

Expert: Any person who has tried and failed – and can tell you why.

Definitions

Statistician: A man who believes figures don’t lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won’t stand up either.

Definitions Occupations

Bureaucracy: A system that enables ten men to do the work of one.

Definitions Government

If people weren’t meant to have midnight snacks, then why do they put a light in the refrigerator?

Food/Drink

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

Golf Sports