Author: Anonymous Page 141

The Frankincense Monster

Malaprops

It's on the tip of my frontal lobotomy.

Mixed metaphors

Ache: Joint concern.

Body Definitions

I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.

Sex

Skeleton: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

Body Definitions

We'd like a room with a southern explosion.

Malaprops

To make the drawers work better, rub them with paraphernalia.

Malaprops

If sex doesn't scare the cat, you're not doing it right.

Sex

Surfing the Infobahn [information superhighway]

Mixed metaphors

There is no indigestion worse that that which comes from having to eat your own words.

Communication

Dirty laundry is coming home to roost.

Misspokements Mixed metaphors

Pickpocket: A man who believes that every crowd has a silver lining.

Crime Definitions

Casserole: A method used by ingenious cooks to get rid of leftovers.

Definitions Food/Drink

Cookie: A standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat.

Definitions Food/Drink

Beyond the question of a doubt

Mixed metaphors

Keep your nose up!

Mixed metaphors

When arguing with a stupid person, be sure he isn’t doing the same thing.

Fools Intelligence

Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse.

Definitions

Tears: A good-bye product.

Definitions

At twenty, we don’t care what the world thinks of us; at thirty, we worry about what it’s thinking of us; at forty, we discover it isn’t thinking about us at all.

Age Intelligence

“This salmon is excellent,” said Tom superficially.

Tom Swifties