Author: Anonymous Page 141

It’s like pulling the teeth from a hen.

Mixed metaphors

Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.

Beliefs

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Beliefs Definitions Occupations

Kiss: What the child gets free, the young man steals, and the old man buys.

Definitions

“Here’s your allowance for the next two weeks,” Tom advanced.

Tom Swifties

Marriage: The difference between painting the town and painting the back porch.

Definitions Marriage

Destiny: A tyrant’s authority for crime and a fool’s excuse for failure.

Definitions Future Time

I'm bone empty.

Mixed metaphors

He's so thin he had to stand twice in the same place to make a shadow.

Miscellaneous

[a rock group’s] authenticity strikes a chord with fans.

Mixed metaphors

Casserole: A method used by ingenious cooks to get rid of leftovers.

Definitions Food/Drink

Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.

Definitions Occupations

Up a tree without a paddle

Mixed metaphors

Absolute Pitch: Completely dark.

Definitions

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Definitions Politicians

B-Negative: A pessimist’s blood type.

Definitions

“I wish I had something to write with,” Tom said pensively.

Tom Swifties

You dug your bed, you lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

White Supremacists: The most convincing argument against the theory of white racial superiority.

Beliefs Definitions Intelligence People

Doctor: Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.

Definitions Doctors Health

Alcohol: A liquid good for preserving everything except secrets.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink