Author: Anonymous Page 141

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

Science/Weather Situations

A man can do more than he thinks he can, but he usually does less than he thinks he does.

Work

Argument: A discussion where two people try to get the last word in first

Definitions

She looks better goin than comin!

Appearance Body Expressions Ugly

Hospital Room: A place where friends of the patient go to talk to other friends of the patient.

Definitions

How can you tell when sour cream goes bad?

Food/Drink Situations

Like stealing cake from a baby

Mixed metaphors

Now you have hit it on the head with the nail.

Mixed metaphors

Don’t cast swine before bears.

Mixed metaphors

He was going to line up his ducks in a basket.

Mixed metaphors

I dozed in and off.

Mixed metaphors

An unwatched pot boils immediately.

Murphy’s Laws

“It’s just gold leaf”, said Tom guiltily.

Tom Swifties

“I visit my parents every Sunday,” said Tom weakly.

Tom Swifties

Sympathizer: A fellow that’s for you as long as it doesn’t cost anything.

Definitions

Babysitter: A teenager you pay $7 an hour to eat $20 worth of snacks.

Definitions

“I hear a brook,” Tom babbled.

Tom Swifties

Genealogist: One who traces your family history back as far as your money will go. 

Definitions Family

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.

Beliefs Definitions Honesty Lies

Efficiency Expert: A man smart enough to tell you how to run your business and too smart to start his own.

Definitions

Well, that’s water under the dam.

Mixed metaphors