Author: Anonymous Page 141

His car is so expensive that instead of a stereo, Pavaratti takes requests from the back seat.

Autos Exaggerations Things

“I can see because I have actual visual organs,” Tom realized.

Tom Swifties

Smoking like a sieve

Mixed metaphors

You might think the Channel Islands are a backwater.

Mixed metaphors

Communist: One who has yearnings for equal division of unequal earnings.

Definitions

He is so dumb… his dog teaches him tricks.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you; tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Beliefs Communication

It’s all water under the hatchet.

Mixed metaphors

Cemetery: A place people are dying to get into.

Definitions

Fern: A plant that you’re supposed to water once a day, and when you don’t it dies, but if you do it dies anyway, only not so soon.

Definitions

They start with all that sucking and blowing and in the end you lose your house.

Marriage

Courtship: When a fellow gets so wrapped up in a girl that it’s easy to tie the knot.

Definitions Relationships

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No Hard Feelings.”

Definitions Sex

Dieting is not a piece of cake.

Food/Drink

Their relationship was purely plutonic.

Malaprops Relationships

We had a longer holiday than usual this year because the school was closed for altercations.

Malaprops

I thought it might be a good idea for you to check base with him.

Mixed metaphors

Juvenile Delinquents: Other people’s children.

Definitions

Zircon: A diamond falsie.

Definitions

It could turn on a dime like a stallion.

Mixed metaphors