Author: Anonymous Page 141

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink

We were so poor we had to eat dough for breakfast and sit out in the sun for lunch!

Eating Expressions Food/Drink Money Poverty

“The prisoners set up a company,” the warden confirmed.

Tom Swifties

My girlfriend says that she thinks her husband is the world’s greatest lover, but she hasn’t been able to catch him at it!

Marriage Sex

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Fools Intelligence

Dance: The action of moving rhythmically to music with a partner, a skill which a woman possesses naturally, but which a man acquires only for the short time in his young adulthood when he wishes to meet and impress young women, and abandons thereafter due to mysterious knee injuries.

Dance Definitions Entertainment

Adultery: Putting yourself in someone else’s position.

Marriage Sex

“I’ve joined the navy,” Tom said fleetingly.

Tom Swifties

Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.

Definitions People

On one hand, I'm indecisive; but on the other, I'm not.

Misspokements

He used to kiss her on her lips, but it's all over now.

Situations

Sprouts: Innocent green plants snatched in their infancy and devoured alive by ravenous vegetarians.

Definitions Food/Drink

Forget that guy – just illiterate him from your memory.

Malaprops Memory

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions

Middle Age: When you no longer care where your wife wants to go – so long as you don’t have to go with her.

Age Definitions Wives

The less a person knows, the more he wants to tell it.

Fools Intelligence

It's gonna snowball through the whole fireworks.

Mixed metaphors

A falling nozzle will turn toward you and land on its trigger.

Problems Things

Dog Kennel: A barking lot.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Fiddler: A violinist before he becomes the virtuoso.

Definitions Entertainment Music

Well, thats as clear as a bull in a china shop.

Mixed metaphors