Author: Anonymous Page 142

Good Advice: What a man gives when he gets too old to set a bad example.

Beliefs Definitions Opinion

Heredity: What a man believes in until his son begins to behave like a delinquent.

Definitions Family

They live so deep in the woods they kept possums as yard dogs.

Animals Expressions Places Situations

“I think I’ve broken my leg ”, reported Tom lamely.

Tom Swifties

We'll mend that fence when we get to it.

Mixed metaphors

Armor: A knight gown.

Clothing Definitions

Spine: A long, limber bone. Your head sets on one end and you set on the other.

Definitions

It's all Greek to a blind horse.

Mixed metaphors

Sympathy: What one woman offers another in exchange for details.

Definitions

Apparently: As either mother or father would do it.

Definitions

A good idea is one that hits the other fellow with a bolt of envy.

Ideas Intelligence

Luck: The thing that draws us for jury duty, but never for the lottery.

Definitions

Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

Definitions Friends People

He’s like a duck out of water.

Mixed metaphors

Rugby: A game played by gentlemen with odd-shaped balls.

Definitions Sports

“Who left the toilet seat down?” Tom asked peevishly.

Tom Swifties

He couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

“I’m concerned about the number of people not attending,” said Tom absentmindedly.

Tom Swifties

An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies of a dozen naked women to get to a bottle of stout.

Alcohol Food/Drink People

“I’m putting on my T-shirt, shorts, and sunglasses,” Tom summarized.

Tom Swifties

“Elvis is dead,” said Tom expressly.

Tom Swifties