Author: Anonymous Page 142

Fable: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.

Definitions

I'm tired of walking on kid gloves.

Mixed metaphors

Dance: The action of moving rhythmically to music with a partner, a skill which a woman possesses naturally, but which a man acquires only for the short time in his young adulthood when he wishes to meet and impress young women, and abandons thereafter due to mysterious knee injuries.

Dance Definitions Entertainment

Carpet: A floor covering that is bought by the yard and worn by the foot.

Definitions

Pessimist: Someone who burns their bridges before they get to them.

Definitions

Vuja de: The feeling you've never been here.

Definitions

“This food tastes of plutonium,” said Tom glowingly.

Tom Swifties

Parents are embarrassed when their children tell lies, and even more embarrassed when they tell the truth.

Children Communication Family Honesty Lies Speech Truth

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

Characteristics God Life

He is so old… his social security number is 6.

Age Exaggerations Old

“It’s twelve noon,” Tom chimed in.

Tom Swifties

“I’m not going to give up anything this Easter,” said Tom relentlessly.

Tom Swifties

Contract: An agreement to do something if nothing happens to prevent it.

Definitions

Caterpillar: An upholstered worm.

Animals Definitions

Philanderer: A man who considers himself too good to be true.

Definitions People Self

“I’m putting on my T-shirt, shorts, and sunglasses,” Tom summarized.

Tom Swifties

She’s so ugly… when she entered an ugly contest the judges said, "No professionals."

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

The best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one!

Dating Men Relationships Sex

He is so old… he owes Jesus a quarter.

Age Exaggerations Old

“Ouch! When I get stung, I want revenge,” said Tom begrudgingly.

Tom Swifties

This is up my wheelhouse.

Mixed metaphors