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Epitaph: A monumental lie.

Death Definitions

“It’s an actual parameter, not a formal parameter,” was Tom’s argument.

Tom Swifties

“It has zero height, zero width, and just a little depth,” said Tom, stretching the point.

Tom Swifties

Fobia: The fear of misspelled words.

Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

He was a man of great statue.

Appearance Body Malaprops

Communist: One who has yearnings for equal division of unequal earnings.

Definitions

“Are you all governors?” Tom asked, bored.

Tom Swifties

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Beliefs Opinion

He’s so skinny, his pants had only one back pocket.

Appearance Body Expressions

Small Town: Where everybody is interested in what the Joneses will name the latest baby, while a big city is where they worry about what the zoo will call the new elephant.

Definitions Places

“I’m going after that red fish,” said Tom erringly.

Tom Swifties

“A spirit transported me from the couch to the chair,” said Tom, visibly moved.

Tom Swifties

Y Chromosome: The cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

Definitions Men

Court Of Law: A place where a suit is pressed and a man maybe taken to the cleaners.

Definitions Law

“A dog bit me,” said Tom rabidly.

Tom Swifties

Among the many remedies that won’t cure a cold, the most common is advice.

Beliefs Health

Fitness: Salvation through perspiration.

Definitions

He came out of it smelling like a bandit.

Mixed metaphors

He's so thin he had to stand twice in the same place to make a shadow.

Miscellaneous

Taxi Driver: Worker who earns a living by driving customers away.

Definitions Occupations

Anatomy: A class that sounds vaguely risqué until you find out what it really involves.

Body Definitions Education School