Author: Anonymous Page 142

Bisexual: A person who pays for sex.

Definitions

As long as that dog hunts, we’ll ride him,

Mixed metaphors

She had a seashore disorder.

Health Malaprops

VD: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions Health

I can syncronize with those homeless people.

Malaprops

He is so ugly… the psychiatrist makes him lie face down.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

We all act as one heartbeat.

Mixed metaphors

Fiddler: A violinist before he becomes the virtuoso.

Definitions Entertainment Music

Among the propensities of humans which almost exceed understanding come the parsimony of the rich and the extravagance of the poor.

Money Poverty Wealth

Argument: A discussion where two people try to get the last word in first

Definitions

Congress: A strange forum where people get up and speak, nobody listens, and then everyone disagrees at the top of their lungs.

Congress Definitions Government

“Why shouldn’t I stir my yoghurt with a ballpoint pen?” Tom bickered.

Tom Swifties

Parking Space: An unfilled opening in an unending line of cars near an unapproachable fire hydrant.

Definitions

There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.

Problems

She may want to tackle that battle.

Mixed metaphors

Waddya expect him to say, entray voose?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops

“Don’t call me a oddball,” Tom replied evenly.

Tom Swifties

Minor Operation: One performed on someone else.

Definitions Health

They have come up with a perfect understanding; he won't try to run her life, and he won't try to run his, either.

Husbands Marriage Wives

“Eating garbage is a form of recycling, but I can’t eat any more,” said Tom wastefully.

Tom Swifties

Antique: An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of,  and you're buying again.

Definitions Things