Author: Anonymous Page 142

He’s wearing a tomahawk haircut.

Malaprops

Experience: What you get from being inexperienced.

Definitions

Penicillin: What to give a man who has everything.

Definitions Health Wordplay

Class Reunion: A gathering where you come to the conclusion that most of the people your own age are a lot older than you are.

Age Definitions

I like a lot of partisan cheese on my pizza.

Food/Drink Malaprops

Humility: The ability to act ashamed when you tell people how wonderful you are.

Definitions

“Pass the playing cards,” said Tom ideally.

Tom Swifties

“I’m trying to get some air circulating under the roof,” said Tom fanatically.

Tom Swifties

When I'm sick, I take Casper Oil.

Malaprops

Keep your ear to the grindstone.

Mixed metaphors

Bridegroom: A man who is amazed at the outcome of what he thought was a harmless little flirtation.

Definitions

Honeymoon: The morning after the knot before.

Communication Definitions Marriage

Economists are still trying to figure out why the girls with the least principle draw the most interest.

Girls People Wordplay

Now you have hit it on the head with the nail.

Mixed metaphors

She is so thin… she doesn’t cast a shadow.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

“I only have diamonds, clubs and spades,” said Tom heartlessly.

Tom Swifties

Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad’s payroll – and on to his wife’s.

Definitions Education School

University: A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand.

Definitions Education School

“You must be my host,” Tom guessed.

Tom Swifties

Bowling: Marbles for grown-ups.

Activities Definitions

Manager: Someone who doesn’t know how to do your job, who tells you how to do your job.

Definitions People Work