Author: Anonymous Page 143

Apologize: To repeat an insult with variations.

Definitions

Barometer: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

Definitions Science/Weather

Bureaucracy: A system that enables ten men to do the work of one.

Definitions Government

Life: A continuous series of disasters which result in one’s death.

Death Definitions Life

Umbrella: A movable roof.

Definitions Things

As we consider the road that unfolds before us.

Mixed metaphors

We kill people who kill people because killing people is wrong.

Conflict Killing

Good Old Days: A block of time which ended a week before you were hired.

Definitions Past Time Work

Whistle: Wind having a narrow escape.

Definitions

Women: Can't live with 'em – can't live with 'em.

People Women

She's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of Nile.

Characteristics Malaprops

Quickie: No sooner spread than done.

Definitions Sex

“Rasputin and I are lovers,” said Nicholas bizarrely.

Tom Swifties

Charity begins at home… at about 6:30, when they call you and interrupt your dinner.

Characteristics

… forced to wade through a mountain of red tape

Mixed metaphors

“This boat leaks,” said Tom balefully.

Tom Swifties

Counsel: Advice with a price tag.

Definitions

But I don't have an intricate relationship with it.

Malaprops

Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

Time

I'm bone empty.

Mixed metaphors

I wouldn’t eat that with a ten-foot pole.

Mixed metaphors