Author: Anonymous Page 143

“No ellipses, parabolas or hyperbolas,” said Tom laconically.

Tom Swifties

The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a crashed state.

Computers Failure Murphy’s Laws Things

Tube Dress: A dress which is an extended boob tube.

Clothing Definitions

Middle age is when we can do just as much as ever – but would rather not.

Age

“I have to wear this cast for another six weeks,” said Tom disjointedly.

Tom Swifties

Raising kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken.

Children Expressions Family

Nothing makes a fish bigger than almost being caught.

Activities Honesty Lies

Courtship: A period during which a girl decides whether or not she can do better.

Definitions Relationships

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

Situations

Fiddlesticks: Violin bows.

Definitions

Window Screen: A device for keeping flies in the house.

Definitions Things

Counsel: Advice with a price tag.

Definitions

Refinement: The ability to yawn without opening your mouth.

Characteristics Definitions

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy; one is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

Emotions Happiness Marriage Wives

Optimist: Someone who tells you to cheer up when things are going his way.

Definitions

“I wouldn’t mind going with you to the tennis match,” she said gamely.

Tom Swifties

Not without a grain of sugar

Mixed metaphors

“I’ve got sand in my dinner,” said Tom grittily.

Tom Swifties

“I write elevator music,” Tom noted.

Tom Swifties

“Oops! There goes my hat!” said Tom off the top of his head.

Tom Swifties

Diplomat: If you have the advantage over someone, and you lead him to think that he has the advantage over you, without giving him the chance to take advantage of you.

Definitions Government