Author: Anonymous Page 143

“Boy, will I give you a haircut!” said Tom barbarously.

Tom Swifties

Lecture: A process by which the notes of the professor become the notes of the student, without passing through the minds of either.

Definitions Education School

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Conflict Marriage War

Etiquette: A convenient code of conduct which makes lying a virtue and snobbishness a righteous deed.

Definitions

My husband could have had any women he pleased – he just couldn't please any!

Husbands Marriage Women

“Yes, I’m amazingly strongly built,” said Tom soberly.

Tom Swifties

“I ain’t afraid of those white men,” said Cochise bravely.

Tom Swifties

Clever Woman: One who knows how to give a man her own way.

Definitions

The niblick, with its heavy head of iron, is a capital club for knocking down solicitors.

Golf Sports

Anatomy: A class that sounds vaguely risqué until you find out what it really involves.

Body Definitions Education School

Bathing Suit: A garment cut to see level.

Appearance Clothing Definitions Wordplay

Clothes Dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.

Definitions Things

Does a fat boy like cake.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

Communication

The best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one!

Dating Men Relationships Sex

Marriage is the price men pay for sex, sex is the price women pay for marriage.

Marriage Men People Sex Women

After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why doctors wear masks in the operating room.

Doctors Health

Monarch: A king with a good publicity man.

Definitions

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'whose?'

Money Wealth Work

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.

Beliefs Communication Language

Senility: The pleasantly rueful experience of forgetting what we’ve forgotten.

Age Definitions Intelligence Memory Old