Author: Anonymous Page 143

You dug your bed, you lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

“Pretend we were in the days before railways,” Tom coached.

Tom Swifties

Even a spotted pig looks black at night.

Expressions Situations

Gossip: Something negative that is developed and then enlarged.

Definitions

My uncle died of Lou Sterrett's disease.

Health Malaprops

“I have no underwear,” Tom said expansively.

Tom Swifties

I’ll be on him like a wild dog on a ham.

Expressions

When arguing with a stupid person, be sure he isn’t doing the same thing.

Fools Intelligence

Breeding: Concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Definitions

It is so hot… the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

A stitch in time is worth a pound of cure.

Mixed metaphors

“That’s more or less correct,” Tom said roughly.

Tom Swifties

“This is mutiny!” said Tom bountifully.

Tom Swifties

Middle Age: When your age starts to show around your middle the art of raising eyebrows instead of the roof. 

Age Definitions

A well-adjusted man is one who can play golf as if it were a game.

Golf Sports

He don’t have a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of.

Miscellaneous

I'm going to have to kick it off by hand.

Mixed metaphors

Inch: Unit of measure whose length is consistently underestimated by men.

Definitions

Politician: One who is willing to do anything on earth for the workers except become one.

Definitions Government Politicians

Whiskey: The best thing to take for a headache – the night before.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

Intuition: The strange instinct that tells a woman she is right whether she is or not.

Definitions Women