Author: Anonymous Page 144

He's got a face like the north end of a south bound cow.

Appearance Expressions Ugly

“I have to wear this cast for another six weeks,” said Tom disjointedly.

Tom Swifties

Penis: Part of the male anatomy which contains the brain.

Body Definitions Men

It's so flat you can look down the road and see the back of your head!

Expressions Places

Gluttony: A sign something is eating us.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink

“Lights, camera, action!” Tom said directly.

Tom Swifties

The head of the body overseeing youth justice…

Mixed metaphors

“This flower’s empty,” the drone said belatedly.

Tom Swifties

Fobia: The fear of misspelled words.

Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

Conscience gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet.

Characteristics

Jim Rosenthal to an American goalie: So what’s an American doing playing in goal for Millwall.

The goalie’s reply: I’m trying to keep the ball out.

Colemanballs

He is so old… he owes Jesus a quarter.

Age Exaggerations Old

I’m so hungry I could beat a dead horse.

Mixed metaphors

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Computers Definitions Things

“We could have made a fortune canning pineapples,” Tom groaned dolefully.

Tom Swifties

The best time to give advice to your children is while they’re still young enough to believe you know what you’re talking about.

Beliefs Children Family Intelligence Opinion

“You don’t see the point, do you?” asked Tom, stabbing in the dark.

Tom Swifties

Print the bulletins and get the information decimated.

Malaprops

“This salmon is excellent,” said Tom superficially.

Tom Swifties

It's a walk in the cake.

Mixed metaphors

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Characteristics Intelligence