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Groan: An expression of appreciation for the horrible.

Communication Definitions Speech

Even if you gave him poison he wouldn't die until he'd recovered the deposit on the bottle.

Frugal Money

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.

Golf Sports

As useless as a pocket on a cow

Expressions

Roulette: A wheel that seldom takes a turn for the bettor.

Activities Definitions Games

Advice: A commodity peddled by your lawyer and given away by your mother-in-law, but impossible to dispose of yourself. Famous as the one thing which it is “More blessed to give than receive.”

Definitions

These two guys are cut out of the same mold.

Mixed metaphors

Diet: selection of foods for people who are thick and tired of it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Toast: The only thing that can be eaten or drunk.

Definitions

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

Definitions Mistakes

Abbreviation: An inordinately long word in light of its meaning.

Communication Definitions Language

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Beliefs Opinion

I’m gonna dig in my feet on this one.

Mixed metaphors

I'm shooting from the seat of my pants.

Mixed metaphors

He's got too many oars in the fire.

Misspokements

Heredity: What a man believes in until his son begins to behave like a delinquent.

Definitions Family

Ugly as a moose chewin ice

Appearance Expressions Ugly

“The executioner has received the tool he needs”, said Tom with a heavy accent.

Tom Swifties

I guess I threw a cog in the wrench.

Mixed metaphors

Information travels more surely to those with a lesser need to know.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws People

A circle is a line of no depth running round a point forever.

Science/Weather