Author: Anonymous Page 144

It was so cold… we didn't clean the house – we just defrosted it.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Divorce: Going through a change of wife.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Good to be back on the old terracotta.

Malaprops

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

People

Hell is a place where the motorists are French, the policemen are German, and the cooks are English.

England

“I won’t play for this team any longer,” Tom decided.

Tom Swifties

She flew off the deep end.

Mixed metaphors

Counterfeiter: A guy who gets into trouble by following a good example.

Definitions

Smuggler: One who neglects his duty to his country.

Definitions Wordplay

Assumption is the mother of the screw-up.

Mistakes Problems

Abasement: A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth and power.

Definitions

“This pencil tip is dull,” she said pointedly.

Tom Swifties

Alarm Clock: That which scares the daylight out of you.

Definitions Wordplay

Ain’t nobody out at that time a night but burglars and bad women.

Expressions Time

Billboards: Litter on a stick.

Definitions

Father’s Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Children Definitions Family Food/Drink

Social Diseases: Germs of endearment.

Definitions

Hospitality: The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.

Definitions

“I’d like to be a Chinese laborer,” said Tom coolly.

Tom Swifties

Auctioneer: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

Definitions Occupations

She is so fat… at the zoo, the elephants throw peanuts at her.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat